He said I love you first. Do men usually do this & should I push for something more or let it continue to grow at it’s own pace?

[Melondrop1996]

Sorry I’m a little in my head so this might sound everywhere
My close friend of 4+ years who was also my ex in high-school admitted he loved me. He said he didn’t want to make anything weird between us, I encouraged him to speak & he said he loves me & (for lack of better words) we’re on our own wavelength/vibe & it’s something that could only form and grow after years of knowing someone etc. I admitted the same but honestly where do we go from here? Should I push or just let things go & their own pace? I’m scared if I do to little or too much it’ll ruin everything & I’m also wondering if men usually say that first or not really?

[caring__1]

It's irrelevant whether guys or girls say love first. Hopefully, both feel safe enough to openly share their true feelings.

The problem I see is one that is common with most everyone, and that is the vague/general terminology being used. Without seeing the picture in his head, you're left with making assumptions what love means to him. Ask him to define love and share what he sees in you he's connecting that label to. He's talking about feelings growing, so ask where he sees it growing to or where he'd like to see it growing to. It's perfectly fine for you to share what you see in him and how it impacts you, even if you might not be sure you associate it with the concept of love. You can discuss this concept of love and see how the two of you may be similar or different. Communication is what is important here, not any label anyone puts on anything.

[caring__1]

Never push in a relationship, or you'll end up pushing the person out of your life. Just show curiosity and openness, and make sure he feels safe (don't accuse, blame, criticize, demand, rationalize or tell him what he should or shouldn't do).

[Melondrop1996]

Yeah that was on me. Once he told me I kind of froze up and all social skills went on the door so I never got to really ask the questions I wanted. He told me he knows how love is, and has experienced it in different forms to know that what we have is unique and rare. I didn’t want to push or force him but I did just want to see what that necessarily means. I love him but it’s kind of like “ok…now what?” How should I bring this conversation back up or should I wait?

[caring__1]

There's nothing wrong with saying, "When you told me you loved me, it caught me off-guard, so I kind of froze up. I've been thinking about what you said and have been relating it to what I am feeling. I also feel drawn to you, but I don't want to project my feelings onto you and make any assumptions. I would like to see what you are experiencing through your eyes rather than just see what I want to see. I don't want to rock the boat by jumping on board too fast, but I am curious about what we might choose to create together. I enjoy what we already have and don't want to jeopardize that, but there is always more of life to experience, and I'm open to that." Share the specifics of what about him draws you toward him and how those things impact you. Make it about hearing and understanding him rather than expecting to be heard by him. Seek clarification if he says anything that is vague or could be interpreted in multiple ways. Be patient rather than impulsive and savor the journey ahead of you.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Who says it first is a crapshoot. but you both admitted it, so do couple things, cuddle, makeout, ask personal questions, etc. hold off on on sex for a while if you or him feel unsure about anything. Otherwise just hang out as per usual.

[Guy13]

Rare…very rare. We never do that. Enjoy but don’t push. He will shut down if you demand and demand until it is a Job.

[FunnyGiy]

it depends. But if you’re wanting to get back together. You never know unless you try.

[Anonymous]

I definitely would, but some guys are just to shy to ask first.

[In_Trance]

Push for something more?

[Melondrop1996]

Yeah, basically. I know saying I love you a lot of times can allude to wanting something more or working towards it. Or maybe he was just kinda saying like “hey, I love you btw” I should have asked but I got choked up, and lost all my train of thought. Not sure how to bring it back up either.