Why do guys who approach me and continuously pursued me back off as soon as I show interest? Was coming off too strong a mistake?

[Anonymous]

This handsome and kind guy classmate ftom my campus started to chat me around 20 days ago and we only have to chat for a day until he asked me to hang out together. I immediately agreed because I like him too. We hang 2 times in total and they were pretty lit. He paid for the food, theatres, and all and we went to various places during the first hangout. The second hangout, which was at a restaurant, was pretty okay too. He offered to pick me up and drive me home. He was super caring, chatted me everyday, asking how my day was, was super talkative, warm, and had always considered my feelings (irl and chat), every single day. However, about 4 days ago, he suddenly turned called when I asked to sit beside him in class. He said it’s still not safe to do so, although I remember him asking me during the hangout if it was okay for him to sit beside me at class. Whenever he asked for pics (PG 13), I always send them to him. He also sent back some pics of him. However, the real problem began when I sent him some pics (without him asking & a bit sexy although still PG 13 by the way), in which he replied to not send pics if he don’t ask in the next morning. I got offended and deleted the pics. Fyi, I sent the unasked pics to him at night. Also the Next morning, he asked permission to delete the chat we had and said he just wanted to experiment whether the chat in my phone will disappear too if he did that but I know this is complete bs. I suspect he just doesn’t want to look like the bad one. We still chat now, but on a different platform and I can feel a difference in the tone of his texts. He never text me first anymore now. Does anyone know what happened? Ask me for more deets if u’re curious as i’m more than willing to tell, thanj u for ur time reading this. 🤍 xoxo

[DaveJord]

Yeah, he is dating someone else, and she is suspicious of him. The whole sending picture thing and him acting that way is HUGE RED FLAG!!! He only wants pictures when he asks, so he can save them, hide them or delete them before someone else can see them. Does not what you chatting him at night, because he might be with someone else, and she will ask who is chatting you? Then will want to see the message to comfirm he is not lying.

It went smooth at first because he thought she would not notice, but she did and is now watching him like a hawk.

He said it's not safe yet to sit by him, because something went down with some one else, he doesn't want to be seen in public with you... his girl is suspicious and nosing around... wanting to see his phone. Which is why he is trying to get into a different app so he can hide the chats. RED FLAGS!!!

The RED FLAGS all over this situation... points to other women being involved that you are not aware of. RUN, RUN and RUN from this guy, run hard, run fast, run far, do not look back.

[Asker]

noted 🥲, so there’s a possibility that he’s a player then 🫢🥹😭

[DaveJord]

I can't sat for sure. Honestly do really think there's a perfectly simple explanation? All the signs piomt toward no... I could be wrong, but its still Red Flag, after Red Fkag here. That's about Red Flags, doesn't matter if there's a legit reason or not it's still a Red Flag.

[Kiss_Me]

I can think of two reasons why you got this reaction:

1. He is in a relationship with someone else. It sounds like he doesn't want pics on his phone for someone to find.

2. Some guys are looking for better-quality women and prefer not to get sexting pics. If he thought it was heading in that direction, he may be disappointed you escalated the sexuality of your pics.

My first instinct is to suspect he has a wife or girlfriend. I could be wrong. Sounds like it's time to have a talk with this guy.

[Asker]

He stated that he is not in a relationship and that he is an introvert. I had classes with him, and he seemed to prefer sitting alone, despite having a circle. He appeared to be a good guy who isn't a player, so I believe he is disgusted by me (although he was the one who said he likes girls who wear shortpants, and from what I infer he likes sexy girls, he did compliment I was pretty a multiple times although I realized this was lovebombing)

[SueShe]

To me, it looks like the entire thing went way too quick and that it took an unexpected turn with the hardcore (PG 13) pictures. It does not have to be nudes but the fact that you sent unsolicited pictures that perhaps did not conform to what he wanted, led him to believe that you wanted more than he was willing to give. Understand that he was not ready (or willing) to go into a relationship.

It is one thing to find a person hot, good looking or attracted physically, but the other thing is that often, this attraction is not reciprocated.

You seem to have gone too fast attempting to get his attention and that he was perhaps scared that the entire thing would get out of hand.

He wants to keep this relationship on a low burner and remain just simple friends.

[Asker]

I sent the unasked pics because I thought he was the one who kept asking for pics, but I got surprised when he asked me not to send when he don’t instruct to. Honestly felt it was a bit unfair (although he did pay for me during the hangouts), like he was a controlling pyscho, thats why i deleted the pics. I think we both got offended, or its just that he has lost interest. 🥹🫠

[FilmGuy93]

He probably just got a feel for things and decided that he wasn’t interested in pursuing things further

[Asker]

Should I be friends with him if I have feelings for him? or should I just stop texting him if he doesn't text first? He still responds quickly whenever i texts him, like at the same minute, no ghosting or anything. But it's possible that he's pitying me because he feels guilty for losing interest so quickly. I'd noticed and been drawn to him since the first time I saw him in my class. Goddamn, how can someone change so quickly? 🥲

[FilmGuy93]

Some guys just aren’t comfortable with sexy photos being sent like that. I am the same way. I wouldn’t have reacted quite like that, so maybe he is seeing someone that he’s worried about seeing the photos.

I would just recommend you to stay cordial and friendly, but don’t pursue anything with him. You should assume that it is time to move on.

[YourFavoriteFriend]

Based on what you said, he behavior seems really weird. I would suggest that you forget about this guy and move on. Of course, you could also try to be honest with him and see how he reacts.

[Asker]

I tried being honest w him and i’d say his reactions were neutral, I think he’s the type of person who’s being a little hard on himself too. I dont know, maybe i’m just not the right person for him who can get him out of his shell (he admitted he’s an introvert during our talking phase and he kept saying sorry for not saying hi or something, but this is when he showed interest at the beginning, i dont know what he thinks now).

[Guy13]

Yes. You seem like someone who has lots of sex. Body counter

[In_Trance]

clearly yes

[Anonymous]

Not sure sorry