There is this man I met at work who I have worked with for years now.
He is 49 and I’m 30.
We got a lot closer over the last year or 2 where we began talking more outside of work, flirting and messaging a lot. We have a lot in common and we get on very well.
He told me he liked me a year ago now at our Christmas party last year. When we returned to work after the holidays I found out he had gotten back together with his ex. I was disappointed but we remained friendly and I backed off.
Then gradually he became distant, the messages stopped and he stopped talking to me as much which I understood and any time we did talk he would mention his girlfriend all the time.
We have the same boss and we were having a meeting and my boss made a joke about him being single and he replied oh I’m glad I got rid of her bla bla bla it’s been the best few months of life being away from her because of x y z….
But he told me he was away on holiday with her when he actually went alone and he always asks me about my weekend plans and he always tells me me & Vikki are doing this and that.
I asked our mutual friend about it and he confirmed they broke up in the summer. And he mentions her by name unless he’s dating someone new with the same name …..
Why would he continue to lie about that to me during our conversations?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
3Opinion
Well, I can only think of a reasons why he would do this.
1.) He is not interested in you and lacks the emotional maturity to be honest with you and treat with the respect that you deserve.
2.) Because of the age gap, he is insecure about dating someone 20 years younger than himself... so pretending to be dating someone else makes it easier for him to back out the possibilities while saving face.
3.) Maybe because of the workplace environment, the got cool feet and did not want to reject you out right... but put you off settle like without insulting you and causing any issues within the office.
4.) he's fucking coward, and person of low self-esteem and integrity.
I would like to tell you there is some super romantic reason as to why he would do this. Honestly, I do not see one. I mean even if there was, it would be some inconsequential that it would seemingly be pretty petty... and again points to some type of insecurity.
So honestly sounds like a few years ago maybe was trying to build up to something with you, then the women came back into his life... and backed away from the whole thing and not he thinks you're not interested or that you ever took it a seriously possibility... so he feels no need to keep you apprised of he is personal situation or status.
But if you really want to find out, then you probably need to ask him or make a move yourself... because given the age difference and workplace issues, most the time in situations like this the initiative has to come from the women.
Thanks so much! This is very helpful!
No problem good luck! 🍀 👍
It's difficult to say for certain why someone might lie about something like this, but it's possible that this person may be trying to protect your feelings or maintain a certain image of himself to you. It's also possible that he simply doesn't want to be honest about the fact that he and his ex are no longer together, for whatever reason. For instance, he may feel like a failure and be embarrassed over the breakup.
Regardless of the reason, it's important to remember that honesty is an important part of any healthy relationship, and it's okay to express your concerns about this behavior to him. It might be helpful to have an open and honest conversation with him about your feelings and ask him directly about the situation. It's possible that he has a good reason for not being completely honest with you, or that he simply wasn't thinking about how his actions might affect you. In either case, having a direct and honest conversation can help to clarify things and allow both of you to move forward in a healthy way.
This seems like a giant waste of time
As much of a waste of time as you wasted writing this reply?
You asked, I answered. If you're not open to all perspectives, why didn't you say so?