Not sure if I understand what's going on?

[Anonymous]

I've been with my unborn childs dad for 3 years now.

I've always asked for effort on his end.

I want mostly consistency.

He knows birthdays and holidays are important to me.

On new years while we weren't together... again...
He complained or mentioned how "do we really have to spend every holiday together". As he makes sure to spend it with HIS family.. yet swears up and down I'm his. Again, feeling second when it comes to people who do absolutely shit for him lol

I feel I put ALL the effort into... us.

He helps pay my portion of the Bill's when I needed him to. Runs my feet when I need him. He does things when I ask and its cool.

But I reall want him to do things for me when i dont. And i understand people arnt mind readers..

But if you're hungry... why can't you cook? For the both of us? I'm at work 9 hours and come home to nothing while your home unemployed...

Yes I love you went to a job interview but can you show me some appreciation. Like maybe cook or clean something when I dont ask you?

I was going to finally leave him August. But I wound up fucking pregnant.

I thought we could make it up.

The reason why I'm pissed off again. I had him run my feet but it went from squeeze my feet too hard to soft to pinching my skin. I freaked out at him. He looked shocked and went to bed.

I tell him all the time be gentle on my feet and he can't even do that

He can't meet my needs and I give him so many fucking chances.

The only things he does for me is fix my car. he's a mechanic but that only really befits him and his group page on facebook.

I'm such a down ass supporter for him but he gives me zero effort and on top of things I'm mad he's still unemployed. We have a baby here in 3 or 4 more months. He told me how this would never happen. I'm pretty over it tbh

Kinda just need some advice if you got it.

My therapist says to stay he loves me

LOL

[quaranta]

You are going to trap yourself even further now that you decided to give your baby this kind of father. Do you know why? Because if he doesn't care about house chores for you, he won't do that for his baby either. You will be not only a full time wife/housemaid and a full time worker, but a full time mother too. You cannot be all 3 without burning out, you will find out with your own life if you go for this path, and plenty of examples of women around us falling into that pit, trapped, who can't leave such situation because tied to responsibilities they can't leave otherwise everything collapses, ending in giving up their total self year by year.
Now the reason you decided to have a baby with a man like this is obscure to me, as well as it's obscure how he took the same decision, considering he doesn't even manage house chores, so I assume you were both not responsible when you got pregnant and now you have to manage the problem.
Since parents are 2 and pregnancy is decided in 2, living together is made in 2 and a couple is made in 2, he must absolutely take full charge as a full time parent (managing the baby in anything, from diapers to remembering what is needed to buy every day, from putting the baby to bed to caring about medical needs). If he doesn't want that, he must be the main full time house keeper (cooks, remembers what is needed for grocery, cleans clothes and house, keeps things tidy etc), or the main full time worker. You cannot do all 3.
So, talk with him to figure out which one of the 3 he wants to get fully from now on, that is the only solution for you to preserve some mental health (and to not let the relationship worsen, anyway, that is a normal consequence in such circumstance).

Otherwise, this is what is going to happen: https://www.scarymommy.com/emma-you-shouldve-asked-mental-load
Have a read, you will see your partner in these drawings.

Work together to prevent this scenario. If he can't cooperate, you have to take the decision to break up with him. You can't afford one baby and one grown baby anyway, you are the one who must give directions of this situation because you are the one with all the responsibilities on the shoulder and so you are the one who holds all the power, nobody else will do that for you, let alone this man on his own (if you expect him to change, well, he won't magically, he must be forced to put effort in one of the 3 roles full time and change mentality about that - if he doesn't, you leave...).

[Asker]

It's got to a point now where I'm afraid to go home. So I'll be living in my car for now or a shelter.

[boggboss]

Not really sure what u are looking fir u know he dint out effort in but think he will just change?

[Guy13]

No chance of getting married here?