Why do men offer to go to therapy after caught cheating?

[Anonymous]

Caught my boyfriend cheating and also having an 8 months long affair. He cried when I found out and said he doesn't know why he did that.

He offered to go to therapy in order for us to get back together.

I did end up taking him back... :/

He only went to therapy for 8 weeks (once a week) and turns out he only talked about possibility of him having ADHD..

[ohsheeT]

He did it because he thought he could get away with it he did it because he has no respect for you he did it because he thinks he's smarter than everybody he did it just because he just doesn't care and the reason why he's crying is because he got caught and now everybody's going to know what a jerky he is so if you were to tell him goodbye is next move will be blaming it all on you you made him do it for some reason when a guy cheats it's because he thinks he's smart he doesn't think he's ever going to get caught and that's just not the case anybody that cheats is going to get caught so now the ball's in your court and what are you going to do because if you allow him to come back all that does is tell him that he got away with it and he could probably do it again

[Anonymous]

He’ll do it again trust me. I mean if he cheated once, said wait wtf am I doing I shouldn’t be doing this. Ok he messed up, but than he stopped because he realized the error of his ways. But he didn’t. For 8 damn months, not even just a month. We’re talking almost a whole year. Imagine if you didn’t catch him how much longer would it have gone on. He said he’d go to counseling either because he really loves you but has a problem w cheating which he needs more than 8 weeks of counseling, which was only 8 days. Or he said that just to get you bad cause he knew that’s what he had to say in order for there to even be a chance you’d take him back.

[Random_g]

He is manipulative.. When you offered a logical argument he came up with emotional argument ...

But you know better

[Anonymous]

Some men are sex addicts. It’s not a joke nor an excuse but a very real problem. I am not a cheater but I had a problem with porn and very regrettably occasional escorts when I felt very lonely.

Again that’s zero excuse for cheating (male or female). BUT some people have legitimate sexual control problems.

Anyway therapy is NOT enough (I have ADHD too by the way). He needs to join a sexholics anonymous group so other former addicts keep him honest if he really has a problem.

You have a right to be pissed off at what he did and suspicious moving forward. But whether you stay with him or not is up to you.

However I really hope he isn’t the aggressive asshole/player type that women let walk over them because he’s a “challenge”. If that is the case then he just cried crocodile tears so you will keep him vs. him feeling bad about how he hurt you. There is a difference there.

[Asker]

He's my first ever relationships.
He did used to sleep around when he was younger (5y older than me).

But I don't think there could be such a problem. Especially now when (since 2 months ago) he has started to avoid intimacy of any sort with me. Initially claiming it's my fault as I don't initiate, but when I tried to he claimed I only see him as a sexual object and nothing else (it feels like he's projecting).

He has manipulated me before. And turned a lot of things HE has done against me, like it's my fault. But I often don't see it when it happens. I'm autistic and have barely had any connections with people in my life so I'm unsure how to navigate relationships therefore am easily manipulated (even the girl he had an affair on me with said that he's going to try to get me back as I'm more vulnerable).

It all sounds so bad yet I don't see myself leaving. Maybe because I have no support system? As I have almost no contact with my family and due to my autism I struggle to keep friendships, therefore have no one to speak to as he's the only person I've literally spoke to in over 2 years.

[Opinion Owner]

There are worse things than being lonely: being disrespected and having no self respect.

My dating life has been less than ideal than the past few years. I had an opportunity to get married to a woman I respect but don’t have real feelings for last year for financial reasons. It would have been nice to have more money (I’m in debt too) and to have a consistent “friend”. But I know it would be problematic for both her and me in the long run.

However I am chatting up someone else right now who I am very attracted to. She is a pain in the ass at times. When that happens I just stop talking to her. I also have and had refused friéndzone bullshit from women for the last 10 year or so. I’ve called women out on it and if they didn’t give me the answer I wante to hear I turn my back and walk away. I don’t stick around try to “get out” of the friéndzone. That’s next to impossible.

Anyway this all means I’m often alone. I’m the oldest sibling in my big family who isn’t married. But I’ll take loneliness the feeling of having hating myself because was too weak and let someone take advantage of me. Loneliness is way better than that horrible feeling ANY day. Who enjoys hating themselves just as long as they have someone to “talk” to.

Point is if you really love him and want to give him a second chance then fine. But if you just let him back because you are afraid of being lonely then he will take advantage of you. Be careful.

[OfMiceandMen]

It's because they want a mediator, someone who can take control of the situation and hear both sides. Often the one who is cheated on is really pissed-off and hurt (and rightfully so), so the cheater believes if there is someone in between, he/she can get a word in edge-wise. They may also believe it is their last chance to right the wrong and see if the relationship can be salvaged.

[Summeroflove]

If you wanna work things out you can. But someone who cheats on you. It’s disgusting and if you’re ready to dump him. Dump him.


Maybe he can go to therapy then and won’t cheat on the next girl

[Asker]

Funny thing is, he used to always moan about how his ex cheated on him and how it messed him up and he would never ever do that

[Summeroflove]

Yeah asker. Unfortunately some are like that

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆 this question reminds me of an episode of king of quees where Carrie wants Doug to go to an overeaters support group to try to deal with his overeating. And he wanders into the wrong room across the hall by mistake for abused spouses because they had like cookies and coffee. And he gets convinced to share. And the group thinking he's an abused spouse convince him he overeating because Carrie yells at him so much.