What makes some young men stay and not abandon their child?

[Anonymous]

My parents have been married for nearly 24 years now. They tied the knot 4 months before I was born.

However, my father was just 20 when he got my then 19 year-old mother pregnant. That's sweet that he didn't bail out on her nor place all the responsibility on her. He went through with a proposal and then marriage.

Just like there are cowards that bail out, what makes some young men do the opposite; staying and not abandoning their child? We all know oxytocin is the chemical during and after pregnancy for us, to bond with our babies. How does it work in men? What makes some like my father (even when they're young guys) want to bond with the woman and child?

[TheSpaceGnome]

They wanted to have kids to begin with or are simply ok with it, and/or they love the kid's mother.

Thats really all it takes for him to stay.

I don't want kids, but I'm also never having accidental ones, because I would get very protectively attached and could not abandon them, and my lifestyle preferences are not reasonably possible with kids around, so I would fall into an irreversable depression and feel like my life is over.

I hate teaching because I love being a student and advancing myself intellectually, so I find talking to very young people to be frustrating unless they are VERY intellectually gifted (even most adults are too frustrating, and only the higher "IQ" ones I tend to get along with).

I have lots of fragile collectables that aren't replaceable, and I want more.

Delicate electronics.
Nice furniture.
A craftsmen's workshop with dangerous tools.
A restful sleep every night.
Exotic pets.
Uncensored nudity and violence in video games, art, movies, and books.
Spare funds to spend however I want.
Never having to do pointless school homework ever again and having time for useful research.
Never having to touch another person's poopy daiper.

I could go on, but kids ruin all of it.

There is nothing wrong with children, but it's not for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Strong character and a sense of responsibility, which is usually instilled in them by a strong father figure. Many young men today didn't have the benefit of being raised with and learning from a good father, which I believe is one of the biggest factors contributing to the moral decay of western society today. It's a self-perpetuating problem that both sexes are contributing to.

Another factor is a man's perception of marriage. Most men have a very negative perception of marriage now, and there are valid reasons for that.

Women hold all of the rights with respect to reproduction, but they don't take the corresponding responsibilities seriously enough. Women need to stop breeding with low quality men. If a woman doesn't have a high level of confidence that a man will have that character and sense of responsibility to stick around and be a father to his child, she should not have sex with him. That principle was much more accepted and respected in the past than it is now.

[inkyvampire]

Probably respect? Most men will do anything for you if they know they are appreciated. It’s hard when a relationship ends. But if you can manage to stay civil it’s much easier.

[Venting101]

A lot of guys just want sex and nothing else. A lot of guys bail because of the woman herself who makes it very difficult for him to have a relationship with his child.

[bamesjond0069]

If the woman is relationship material they will want to stay. It's mostly trashy ass women who the men are running off on, the ones they are just trying to pump and dump.

For example when I was young my girlfriend was awesome. If I got her pregnant I would have absolutely stayed. However I also not long ago fucked a total slut who already had a kid with another man who divorced her for cheating with literally the whole town. She was super insanely hot. One of the hottest ever. If I got her pregnant, under zero situations would I be in a relationship with her. Thinking about marrying her is making me feel like I'm going to puke... but with that pressure not on my head I would totally fuck her again.

[Asker]

Then this is even rarer. Still this day, my parents remain each other's first. He was 17 when he met her and she was 16; both were still in HS then. He doesn't even have a pump and dump history.

[Asker]

I think this doesn't exist anymore nowadays. When they were boyfriend and girlfriend and it was mom's first time, it was his first time too.

[bamesjond0069]

Well yes. In that situation I would have stayed. Absolutely. But typical dating today is just casual sex where the man has little interest in the woman... and thus they mostly don't want to stay.

[Asker]

Things have changed for the worse indeed. A couple of female friends act the same too. They don't want anything serious yet; basically acting against their own biology, being something that's not favoring them. Casual sex and serial cohabitation (means the same thing too, they still get sex without any commitment.. until they get bored in the ''relationship'' and go on to next person and so on) have replaced commitment.

[bamesjond0069]

Yes but it's really the women who are the start of the process. If there's no chance a man will find a woman he wants to invest in, why bother going out of his way for a woman or to prepare for a family? Then the girls like you're talking about date these guys and get tired of them since they are man boys, immature not responsible, not worried about having suitable income and move on.

[Asker]

the irony is time is against them. They don't have all the time to date forever and will eventually have to find a suitable partner to form a family with. They fail to realize their limit to form a family.

[bamesjond0069]

Exactly, it's definitely in a woman's best interest to find a man immediately at like 18. There is a chance she will find a man who considers her suitable that she actually likes. Later on hardly any men will find her suitable.

[Asker]

Mom was definitely smarter (she selected right the first time) than all those girls nowadays and by just being with my dad... she prevented him from ever having a sleeping around history with hook ups.
So I'm assuming if more of us went old-fashioned, there would be fewer hookers, fewer girls to have casual sex. Without girls having a high sex count, the men wouldn't have a high sex count either.

[Twalli]

They're more mentally mature than guys who do bail. Honestly, you're physically mature enough to procreate in your early teens, but not mentally mature enough. He was mentally mature enough by 20, and your mother wanting to keep you probably factored into it. I'll be interested in seeing how things change when the mother doesn't want to keep it but has to because the laws prevent her, how many fathers will stay, who ordinarily wouldn't have had to consider it because the kid wouldn't have come. I doubt we'll get accurate data on that since most states can't pass laws or acts completely outlawing abortion if they let the citizens vote on it.

[Guy13]

Men are a product of their raising too. Many guys are repeat offenders in that they get more than one person pregnant at a time. Men who were raised without Dad also continue in that pattern not be available as a father. Much of that is insecurity and fear of the unknown. It is easier to block this out than embrace the challenges involved.

[aaron210419]

A lot of men don't have the choice, a lot of men have their children taken away from them and have been so broken by the corrupt court system that they can no longer keep fighting.

[inhua]

being responsible. being pro-life. being religious.

[Berethor]

Responsibility and if the woman is not a ho, then the man is knowing that the child is his.

[rienna888]

They’re mature enough to take responsibility and they love the woman. They also want a family

[Dav1dTh0ma389]

It's rumored I was a mistake. But my dad stayed because he actually really did love my mom. We'll never know though

[Bklynbadboy12]

Cause some men care and have strong family ties

[Anonymous]

Character. He either has it or he doesn't.

[Carolus]

Conscience.