Was this the wrong way to handle this situation and why did he not respond to my text last night?

[Anonymous]

So I got into a committed relationship with this man who has been my neighbor for 6 years. Fast forward we had been in a relationship for 2 months now. We broke up 3 days ago because he has been coming to church services with me on Saturdays and he likes my church. He volunteers at his church on sundays at 2 services. The day of our second break up I had told him that I wanted to attend his church too since he has given my church a chance and said why don’t I attend your church tomorrow. He got very quiet after I brought up that idea. I ignored it for a bit, but after dinner I noticed he didn’t want me cuddling with him like he always does. So I asked him if he was OK. He said he did not like that I wanted to go to his church because his ex is there and he feels guilty for being in a new relationship four months after his break up and doesn’t want her to feel hurt at church for seeing us together. I said well then why don’t we go to a service she’s not at. I said plus she wouldn’t see us together anyway because you’re going to be serving right? Then I backed off I said OK I’ll respect that. As the night went on I got more angry about it thinking what is he trying to hide. But I asked him do you still love her do you want to be with her? He said he doesn’t love her and he loves me and even if we weren’t together he wouldn’t want to go back to her. He said however I haven’t exactly healed from the break up. I told him if you are still emotionally with her then I feel we should break up because that’s not fair to me or to you. The next day he kept telling me that he loved me in the texts and then he wanted me to pray for us but things will work out for us in a relationship. I told him I would pray and that I loved him as well. Last night I told him the more I pray about it if you loved me like you say you do you would take me to your church and would tell your ex your in a new relationship and if you can’t do that then there is no us to pray about then is there.

Updates

1 y

Also he is moving in March to the east coast, but before this break up we were going to do long distance where I would fly there every other week and he would fly out here for the other weeks. He even want to pay for my airfare. Our plan was to date for a year and then get married and then I would be willing to move. When we broke up he said maybe we can get back together once I move, but I don’t understand

[SueShe]

The entire situation is very convoluted and I am not convinced that he has told you the truth about everything. Sure, I can understand that he does not want to be seen with you in the same service as his ex-girlfriend. But the real reason is not the same as the one he pretends.

My feelings are that he does not want you in that church at all because the fact to be seen with you means he may be faced with disapproval or "dirty" looks by other churchgoers.

Finally, the fact that he wants (or needs) to move away into another state later in the year leads me to believe that he actively wants to distance himself from you so that he has a little more freedom in his new place.

You flying over to see him may not at all how he had planned the entire moving away from you.

[Asker]

He applied to the job a month before we started dating. When he found out he got the job he wanted us to get married and have me move there. So I don’t see your point of him trying to get away from me. I just feel like he denying that he still has feelings for his ex. She constantly calls him and her name is on his hulu account still

[Anonymous]

Hot high school mess. He probably feels like it would be rubbing it in her face to show up with you at a service she attends, but your suggestion to attend a different one was fine. However, at that point, he felt you were questioning his authority and wouldn't just drop it. What you ACTUALLY did was trigger his fear, not his authority. What's the big deal about attending HIS church anyway? Choose your battles, but he still has issues with the break-up too.

It doesn't matter where you move to, your issues go with you. If you want to get anywhere with this guy, you need to work all this high school shit out and decide to be grown-ups. If he's not "healed" yet, when is he going to be?

[Guy13]

You realize you are rebound girl, right? Given the seemingly sharing, openness, and trending of sharing church experiences, this is a man has something to hide and greater priorities than you. 🚩🚩🚩
It turns out he has unresolved love issues with his past girlfriend. And he’s body hopping and knows it deep down having not taken time to heal.
I THINK his conscience has hit and he knows his feeling for past girlfriend is more prominent than his feelings for you. This is why No Text. Sorry!!

[Iron_Man]

Well he’s moving far away he could fix this but he’s not