Why don’t guys ever take me serious in relationships?

[Anonymous]

I just got out of a relationship not too long ago
We were together for 5 months before we dated we were friends for about 2 years he stayed at my place for about 2 months while he was looking for a new place and cheated on me with his ex. I took him back a few months later his cheating caused us to argue a lot because I did not trust him anymore in the end he left me for his ex and admitted to never being ready for a relationship. all of my other relationships before him were all bad. I was a good person to all of them but I always got cheated on played with and used. and every guy I meet now try to use me for sex or waste my time and a few of them were already in a relationships. All of my sisters cousins aunts and some of my friends are all in relationships what am I doing wrong in my relationships?

[SteveSmith1985]

What you're "doing wrong" is: You're going for the "wrong" type of guy.

That's 100% what's happening here.

You've only given a very brief summary of your love-life. Nevertheless, I can tell you that is the pattern here.

You describe yourself as someone who is looking for a meaningful connection, and a long-term relationship.

If your pattern is guys playing you; lying to you; cheating on you; or cheating on someone else by being with you...

Then the problem is: That you are attracted to the "wrong" kind of guy.

It's not that "guys don't take you seriously in relationships." The problem is going for guys who are of a type to lie and cheat. The guy's you've chosen were incapable of taking ANYONE seriously. They're fucking idiots. They're not going to ever have a "meaningful relationship." So, you basically put yourself in a no-win situation from the begining. You're attempting relationships with guys who are not "the type of guy" for a meaningful relationship and long-term commitment.

So, ok, we've identified the problem. But... what do you DO about it?

That's a bit more complicated. But what it comes down to, is trying to identify "where you went wrong in choosing the guys you chose" (with the idea of avoiding "the wrong type" going-forward).

So... all of these guys were worthless. What SHOULD you have seen, that you didn't see about them? What warning signs did you willfully (or unconsciously) ignore? What red-flag did you miss (because you DID miss red-flags. There's some reason you thought it would be a good idea to get involved with guys... most girls like you would avoid).

Sometimes, it's pretty obvious that all the guys you're attracted to are "of the same type" (maybe they're all gym-rat-tough-guys, or maybe they're all brooding and mysterious, etc). If there's some clear 'type' that you can identify... then it's fairly simple. You need to realize that this 'type' will never take you (or anybody) seriously.

But more likely, it's not so obvious. These guys might seem super-different from each-other. And they might be very different... yet they probably still all have some commonality that attracts you (maybe they're all extremely attentive/sweet type who sweep you off your feet by showing you over-the-top attention, maybe they all seem like guys you can "save" or "fix" just for examples).

This pattern won't change as long as you continue trying relationships with guys who are all "the wrong type". You need to do some thinking to figure out WHAT SPECIFICALLY makes these guys the wrong type.

The right guy will take you "seriously" in a relationship. That won't even be an issue.

[TonyV]

Why did you take back someone you don't trust? That's a big thing you did wrong.

And why did you start arguments over his cheating? You were loading it over his head as a way to try and control/manipulate him so I can see why he just got what sex he could and left. You taking him back implies you forgave him or were over it, but you kept beating that dead horse.

Sure him cheating was wrong but that's erelavant, you 2 were split up, it would have been easier for you to walk away than to try and force this relationship back together, so why did you?

It's like you willingly picked up and put a handful of sand in your mouth then complained that it's offal and it hurts your teeth.
Point is it was a bad idea that no one made you do, you just chose to do it yourself, and I can't understand why, maybe cause you Wan the title of "in a relationship" more than you want a partner.

[katestar89]

I agree with you

[CrazyGirl2]

I really don’t like these questions which use all inclusive or all exclusive statements like, “Why do all women…” or “why don’t men ever…” ! I guarantee you that millions of eligible men would take you seriously. However there is at some point a time when you need to ask yourself, “if all the guys I CHOOSE to date won’t take me seriously, what am I doing wrong?”. Either you are behaving in a non-serious manner, or the men you choose to date are simply assholes! But if you only date men who are assholes, then perhaps it’s on you to change your taste in men! Why are you attracted to assholes?

Date a guy who maybe does not live up to your current standards. Maybe date a less muscular guy, you could try dating a guy with less money, or maybe a shorter guy, or “God forbid”, one who isn’t so good looking that his greatest love will always be himself! (Excuse the sarcasm). We make decisions about whom we date, so if every decision you have made thus far in your life has resulted in dating men who do not respect you enough to take you seriously… How is that not on you?

I have had three serious relationships in my life, two were very serious by which I mean over one year. The first was tall (6’3), dark (gorgeous dk brown hair), and handsome (my god he looked just like JFK Jr.) and from a wealthy family. He took me for granted at every turn, and I just followed him around like a puppy, then he cheated on me! The second was 5’6, cute, but not gorgeous, and had the best sense of humor of anyone I’ve ever met. he was also from a very poor family with excellent values. We were together for over two years, I lowered my “standard” and opened myself up to a real relationship based on love and mutual respect, not superficiality. It only ended because I let him go so he could attend his dream college, because that is what love should do.

Good luck, Laura.

[TwiNshichamp1]

@CrazyGirl2 You always on point 🔥✌🏾

[desidoll]

There are few possibilities. Either there is something wrong with you that you are not aware of, or you chose the wrong guys who are just not ready to commit to anyone. In this case, it has nothing to do with you. Looking at your age, I would guess it is the latter.
When I was around your age, I have seen plenty of guys like that. They’d only settle once they get older when they realise they have less options to choose. By the time they want to commit, there are only few quality women around so usually, they would end up being with someone who is not really up to what they aimed.

[FilmGuy93]

You have to take some time to figure out your boundaries, get good at asserting those with men, and figure out a way to be more proactive in how you emotionally connect with men.

[inhua]

what are you offering in return for these guys to take you more seriously?

do you have domestic skills and motherly instincts? are you caring and supportive during his lowest times? do you have a low body count and refuse to post half-naked selfies of yourself online? are you absolutely loyal and refuse to entertain other dudes? do you give them second chances whenever they betray your trust?

maybe these guys see you as only sex material and not relationship material because sex material is all you've presented to them?

[D_Bone_Steak]

You're going for a certain type of guy... which is obvious if you claim they are all the same. It might be you... what you're picking or giving a chance to. You might not even realize it, but you probably don't give a guy that would try to treat you like a life partner a chance at all... rejected before anything even starts.

With that all said... I suggest you analyze who does get the chance... who does bed you... who? and Why? Figure that out before you can even try and decide if you're going to fix it or not.

[BCA6010]

If I'm reading this right, you're saying that men cheating on you is a regular pattern, even with a guy you've "known" for years prior. This sounds like mainly a problem with the types of guys you're going out with. Where and how do you meet these people? Are you dating men who are mainly after sex, or actually seek long term commitments with the full family package? I've never, ever known any man or woman who cheated that wasn't driven pretty much entirely by their sex drive and never really had much respect for their partners as people, or in one case was a spiteful moron who cheated on his girlfriend after she cheated on him rather than just dumping her on the spot and moving on.

[smølf]

It's important to understand that your past experiences do not define your worth or your future relationships. It's possible that you have been attracting partners who are not emotionally available or who have not treated you with the respect you deserve. It may be helpful for you to reflect on what patterns or behaviors you may have in your relationships and to consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who can help you address and change these patterns. Additionally, it may be beneficial to take some time for yourself to heal and focus on self-improvement before entering into a new relationship.

[aaron210419]

I'm going to assume you don't have very much experience with dating because these days it's very much most women that don't take guys seriously. Maybe you should try dating someone a little bit older that isn't completely full of himself. I can assure you that it's very much not all men and if you are up front with what you are looking for in a relationship then you're more likely to find someone who wants the same. Women have it so much easier when it comes to finding someone, yes there are some fuck boys out there but the majority of men really do want a meaningful relationship. Good luck in your search.

[katestar89]

Because of the men are really dense and clueless about relationships. I think that the men are the problem to us

[aaron210419]

Boys are the problem, men don't play these games

[katestar89]

I agree with you. I've had a same problem with my guy I grew up with. He has a lot of things on his mind

[TwiNshichamp1]

@katestar89 some of this women go through this period before start going through "Hole phase" and after finish it, they find they can't go back lmao!

[katestar89]

I agree with you

[katestar89]

I know that. But he's a actor. And he acts like a clueless and dense idiot

[motownplayer2000]

Lol first of all. You messed up by taking him back. Secondly, if ALL those relationships failed. The common denominator is YOU. You are the problem. You need to look deep within to figure out why you either attract all these bad men or why these men cheat on you. And no, it’s not because ALL MEN ARE SHIT. I’ve been in relationships and I’ve never cheated. And all of my close personal friends have never either. If multiple men are cheating on you, that is a you problem. Since you also gave the example that all your sisters, aunts, cousins etc… are all in good relationships, that’s should be proof right there that something you clearly need to figure out and deal with is the issue.

[Paul09]

Young guys are the worst. Especially this new generation. All they want is sex. That's why I say F the "bad boys" they are a waste. You worry too much, you are young , you got time. Get out of your box, try new things , learn new things. Find new hobbies. Join courses and classes. Be more active. Join groups. And eventually you'll meet some one like minded and respectful. But also don't sit there looking pretty and wait for them to ask you out. Stop bringing up the past. Everyday is a page to start fresh. Everyday is a chance to be a better version of yourself. Don't dwell on your past. Could be all in your head. Go try therapy out too.

[lightbulb27]

definitely have to look to yourself as to what is going on, too much of a repeating pattern. Maybe... you are too nice and not valuing yourself high enough. the chooser is you.

If you are "easy going" people may think they can walk all over you. You'll have to up your energy to counter that.

[OlderAndWiser]

So there is either something wrong with ALL guys, or there is somethng wrong with you.

If you look around, you will see girls in relationships who are quite happy with their partners, so it is doubtful that ALL guys are messed up. Maybe you should look at the things you do to find and select partners for dating. And WHY IN THE WORLD would you tryo to reconcile with a guy who cheated on you? Do you have ANY self-esteem?

[Jdjfjcjj]

Well by nature I take women seriously if I decide to commit to them as I take comment seriously. I dont however jump in as quickly as most people.

Also, whether I take a girl seriously is really dependent on whether the girl takes her approach with men seriously.

As far as the cheating, most guys are monogamous not by choice but my lack of opportunity

[TwiNshichamp1]

I feel so sorry for you dear. some men are worst. I mean you be doing nothing bad, but people who want you are bad. This goes to both sides, good men always attractive bad women and good women always attractive bad men. Don't break apart and low you esteem and everything, one day you will get the good guy who is just like you!

GOOD MEN ARE OUT THERE BUT TO FIND ONE IT'S SO HARD

[DWornock]

Your problem is the same as other women on GAG will similar complaints. You are attracted to guys out of your league and you reject guys within your league. Men date down for sex but they marry equals. You will find someone when you are willing to accept guys within your league that will marry and stop chasing after the impossible.

[Kinkyhubby]

Where are you finding these guy? Is it dating apps? Is it through friends? Plus at your age, their are a lot of people, that are out for themselves. Try to look for different qualities in the men you try to date, ND try to have uneasy conversations in what they are looking for Ina. Relationship.

[Kai95]

1st of all why would you take him back? And second if it happens with all the guys you date you should look at how you treat them, speaking from experience guys would know within the 1st 6 months if the relationship their in is good for them or not, if she is in it with 100% commitment or not and if he can trust her or not, most of the time is the secrets and little lies that end relationships.

[pethouse]

First off, figure out what YOU want in a relationship, then try (I know no one wants to hear this but) open your dating pool. And when you do find your self a partner don’t have sex with him for the first three months. Work on getting connected spiritually and emotionally before sexually

[Beatrix7]

exact same rhing happend to me with my ex he's a prick slept with 2 girls behind my back 1 was a onne night stand now he's cheating on the new girlfriend with another girl he's evil user not my type of guy or boyfriend fk that

[akidbyheart]

I think this generation does not want anything serious because lack understanding about the future and how beautiful it would be to have something serious.
Also what do you have to contribute?
If you have love and support to offer then maybe it might be the new generation.
This why men need to educated to man up and women need to be education that they need to take advantage of their youth.

[imbeingmyself]

its not like you are doing anything wrong but the situations you are, are wrong. its not your fault that someone else is cheating on you so don't think that you are wrong in this. and also you will be glad one day that everything didn't worked out once you meet your perfect other half..

[Mo162]

Look short answer you are meeting wrong people because the one who loves you u will be afraid of losing you.. He will love you and do everything to make you happy of course there will be issues but he will try to understand and solve the problem and he will never make you feel like unwanted.