Why do guys not discuss their emotions with me or discuss anything personal?

[Anonymous]

I'm not dating these two guys, but I like both. They both show signs of attraction but at same time signs of not liking me / being very distant. It's so hard to understand. One asked me how I was, and then when I asked how he was doing he didn't respond. This was chatting in a parking lot. The tone he spoke with me with was slow and lingering and he was smiling. Once again, ambiguous, and he could've been speaking to me like that as flirting or because he thought I was a weirdo. The other seemed mega nervous around me, like he wanted to get away, hands shaking. I've experienced guys acting like this to me before, very nervous and flustered and want to get away. It's hard to tell whether they have anxiety or they like me. And I can't ask them directly. I just need to know about all this stuff in general, so that I know for guys in general thanks. I just need to be able to analyse how guys act towards me better.

[DaveJord]

Why can't you ask them directly? If you wanted to really know you would ask.

Could it be that you are dating two guys at the same time, and maybe on some level they might know and see that? People in general do not want to shared personal details with other people on an intimate level, unless they feel safe and comfortable sharing.

Information is power, and anything they tell you about themselve you can use against them later. Trust me, I am very open and honest person. I have no problem sharing and opening up to women. Lots of women are attracted to that, but then at some point down the line... I find these women using the things I told them about me against me in some way. The fact that they did not like how I spoke about a previous relationship, or my feelings on a subject made them uncomfortable and now weeks later they still bothered about it. Even though they never said anything about it at the time or tried to follow up on it with more questions.

So honestly, I would say that you are not making them feel comfortable about sharing. How much are you sharing, like the fact you are dating two guys at once... are you keeping secrets? Trust me people are not stupid, even when they do not know exactly what it is that is bothering them about someone else, they still know that something is not right either. So, they will not be willing to share as much.

See I get the sense you want them to share more so you can decided for yourself which one of these guys you would be more interested in. So, you want that information from them so you can use it to make a decision. And you got to ask yourself then, how much are you seriously investing into each of these guys? How much do you think they are aware of the fact that you might be playing both sides of the fence? You want this information so you can use it make a choice, but once they give you that information, they have no control over how you use it. The only choice they have is to tell or not to tell, and if you are not making them comfortable about telling they will not tell. Unless you are actually taking the time to invest into a real process with them and giving them that time and effort to feel comfortable.

Which honestly you are not, you just want to tell you want you think you need to know to decide, so you it's not about them not sharing, it's about them not trusting you.

[Asker]

Thanks for the very helpful information. I forgot to add I'm not dating either of them. They do not even know I have feelings for them. They are acquaintances right now but I'm attracted to both of them.

[DaveJord]

Then you need to approach them like romantic interests, and then they might view the relationship differently. Right now, they are probably confused, because they are not sure what you are expecting from them... are you really interested or not, and are you are making that interest known to them.

I have one or two women that are super nice to me and polite at work, and sometimes I do not know if I should ask them out or if that would cross a boundary since we work in the same place. So, I am constantly asking myself, is it just friendly or is there more there. At the end of the day neither of them is making me feel comfortable enough to put forth the effort to find out... because I do not want to create an uncomfortable work environment for them, but more importantly for myself.

Being the man in this situation, all the woman has to do is perceive that Ia m crossing a line and then I got a sexual harassment complaint on me. 10 years ago, things were so much easier for everyone, but in today's woke and me to society you got to be very guarded and careful. Because a woman can approach me at work, and no man will fill a complaint on her. But you never know if a women would do the same for you or not.
So yah, I see these women and I am constantly at odds at to say or how to say it, because I would like to get to know them better, but there are these barriers in the way. So, it would be helpful to me if they were interested in more that they made that known. Because at this point there is not much more, I am willing to do other than wait and see.

[Asker]

If you wanted to test to see if they were into you how would you act and speak to them? But why would some guys be mega nervous eg shaking and want to get away from me? Good luck. I would just start a conversation with them like you would a friend and go from there. Increase the conversations with time

[DaveJord]

Yeah, these guys sound liked the fucked it up. I my experience these women have stood at my desk or in my office for like 40 minutes talking to me about stuff other than directly required for work. But the end I wanted to ask them out but didn't. So yeah, they creepy dudes.

[Asker]

They clearly don't dislike you if speaking to you for 40 minutes which is a huge amount of time. Creepy? Why?

[WellGreetingsISay]

You could be a very trustable person
I used to have one woman I wasn't dating whom I also told all my emotions

[Fanfare690]

Ew stop trying to guess what these guys are thinking and or doing and just take what they SHOW you

[Asker]

I don't understand?

[Fanfare690]

You should

[Anonymous]

I am definitely like the second guy. For me personally, I have some anxiety during certain situations. Being around my crush was definitely one of them.

[In_Trance]

you haven't built a connection with them