Why do men talk to people about certain sexual partners, but keeps quiet about others? Is it because the sex meant more or are embarrassed?

[Anonymous]

I’ve noticed this one guy at work who slept with both me and another coworker, people at work know about her, but not about me… or just in general he talks to people about the details of past sexual relationships, but not ours. He is also different with me than her, his not afraid to talk to her or give her a hug (he does this with other people too) but the only time he can give me a hug is if he has been drinking, but sober I get fist bumps or he likes to ‘accidentally’ touch me.

[SnowedIn]

Seriously? You should be praying he keeps quiet about it. When HR hears about it, the doo doo is going to hit the fan.

[Asker]

Ignore the work factor, but just as a male

[SnowedIn]

Leaving the work part of it out of it, two thoughts come to mind.

On the first one, bear with me that I don't work in your workplace so this is a guess and that guess is maybe he has to work with her so he's trying to keep it cordial in case he needs something to get his job done and he doesn't from you? Again, a guess.

The second thing that comes to mind is you were a one night stand and he's trying to cultivate her for additional sessions? Again, a guess, but those are the two scenarios that spring to mind.

[Asker]

So him and I are both in management roles, so definitely a possibility. The second was he did the same thing to her in regards to ending things… sometimes I feel he is intimidated by me? I don’t know

[SnowedIn]

Actually, that's a seriously legit point. In other words he can't control/use/manipulate you. THAT's way more likely than what I said.

[Asker]

Like after we slept together, I left straight away, I ignored him afterwards, than he slept with coworker, then he ended with her… he found out I slept with someone last week and than hooks up with a girl in front of me and goes back to teasing and flirting with me afterwards but still intimidated… likes to ‘put me in my place’ does this come from being insecure? Why would he need to be, it’s all very frustrating.. what should I do?

[SnowedIn]

Do nothing. That will piss him off the most. He didn't want to be ignored. Ignore him. Focus on your job and being better at it than him. Or, again, just ignore him. Not drama, just as if he doesn't matter.

[Asker]

I am better at it than him, I’m about to be promoted to the job he had before he decided to have less responsibility… that’s probably why he is like this again being flirty and sexual… maybe

[SnowedIn]

I think you have solved this case, Detective. :)

[Asker]

I’m glad we have come to this conclusion together hahaha, the issue is when he teases me I react, and he thrives off it, how do I be professional without being a dick?

[SnowedIn]

It'd be too easy for me to say don't react?

My more serious suggestion is tell him, "Hey, Bob, let's keep it professional." I suspect that the first time he has to hear that in front of colleagues he'll stop.

In theory, you could always escalate to telling him what you know about him and tell him to cut out his terrible behavior but that's kind of the nuclear option.