My boyfriend wants to help his ex?

[Anonymous]

She is drugaddict and homeless

He has a daughter with and daughter suffers a lot because of her mom

I get annoyed everytime he mentions her

He said she was best part of his life in the past, but its all in the past

He says she is nobody to him now

He got angry when i said why you need to help her found job and house

He said he is getting tired of me getting annoyed

And he doesn't get why i get angry since she is in the past

But im tired hearing about her, im tired of him helping his daughter look for job and house for her

He says nobody is helping her

I dont know what to do

Should i live him?

I even had to say sorry i made him angry when i said "why you need to search for her house"

What to do?

I said im your present now i want to make you happy

Updates

1 y

The daughter is 22 but is very affected by her mom she is the only one helping she
Pays hotel for her she gives her food and clothes
She would be on the streer without her
He doewnt want her daughter to do that, he wants to find way to put rhag psycho in some homless center or for addicts or similar

[lightbulb27]

@midnightmoon05

I could argue: The kid is #1, you are #2? Do you agree? he has a responsibility to the child and part of that is to maintain a sense of a nuclear family, that includes showing respect to the mother, eventhough she is dysfunctional. That can include fully disconnecting but always speaking well of mom as a human being, but protecting them from her illness.

Addicts (and mentally ill) will suck a person dry and be happy as the "whole ship sinks", so he needs to protect all you and and the kid. It's a tough spot to be in.

You chose him... you need to reflect on that. Sometimes, there are not easy answers.

I do know a reference point for a situation like this... reversed... the guy was the addict and was destroying the kids. She totally disconnected and cut him out of the life and has the kids. At most the kids speak to their dad. It's working out well, all kids are now healthy, the new husband is happy, and is she. The addict guy bounced back and had a girlfriend and I don't know anymore than that.

Pray for wisdom.

good luck?

[midnightmoon05]

Hi honey.
I don't know the details. As far as I understand, the father needs to have full custody of the child if the mom is ill and not able to care for the kid. The kid is innocent and deserves to have a good childhood and a better life.
If the boyfriend can have full custody of the child, then you must put the child first.
All the rest are just drama.

Love you Mr. Wonderful. :)

[lightbulb27]

The mother... send her to a church that has support groups for recovering addicts. Or to JewelNeverBroken online, or pray together, or visit her together and try to work out the emotions, give her a journal to write in. Rich people go to "betty ford clinic" and expensive therapists.
It's a mess... fixing messes is hard if not impossible. God can fix a lot.

[DCooper]

He needs to go after custody of his daughter; that is the only way to help her. As far as the ex, there is no such thing as helping an addict. Any 'help' simply enables her to keep doing the same shit that put her in her current situation. Figuring it out herself is literally the only way she will ever have a chance of getting her shit together.

Her problems have nothing to do with you. You need to make that crystal clear to the boyfriend, and take a hike if he keeps burdening you with that baggage. A man is expected to carry his own baggage, period.

[DCooper]

What you describe here is exactly the reason a lot of guys are hesitant to get involved with single mothers.

[XXblack88]

He's probably doing it more for his daughter then his ex. If his daughter is still a kid, then more then likely the ex will still be in picture. Otherwise, I don't know why someone would help their ex.

[Asker]

Daughter is 22 and is paying her mom to stay in a hotel
He said she shouldn't do that

[XXblack88]

that's a lot of stress to put on someone so I get why he's helping her. But I can see where that would be annoying.

[AviatorTom]

He's being responsible and trying to help the situation for his daughter's sake. Why does that upset you?

[Asker]

Last year i discovered he was meeting with her behind my back and even spent weekend together
I saw their messages he doesn't know about it
Since then i lost trust when it has to do with her

[Paul_in_Indy]

Well, she is not “in his past” and “nobody” if she is the mother to his daughter. He genuinely needs to be actively interested in his daughter’s wellfare.

[Asker]

He is
He does it for his daughter he said

[boggboss]

Why would u get with someone that has a kid if u didn't want him to have contact with his ex

[Asker]

He said its in the past

[boggboss]

The relationship is in the past but she will always be a part of gia life

[Asker]

Whats your point

[boggboss]

That she ain't just a ex she is his baby mum she will always be intwined in his life if u can't handle that why are u with him

[ShiftingMonke]

I'm having trouble understanding your issue.. does he have a child with this woman?

[Asker]

Yes
Obv

[ShiftingMonke]

Okay, the you're kind of out of line for wanting him to break off contract with his daughter. That's his flesh and blood, so he's got every right to help her as much as he sees fit; if any woman tells me I need to choose her or one of my kids, she's gonna be out the door in seconds. You don't have to like his ex or his daughter, but that's a human life he made. You're just the woman he is currently sleeping with. Now, if he chooses to abandon his daughter and give you his full focus and attention, that's good decision to make, you can't and shouldn't force his hand either way.

[Asker]

Im not forcing him to stop caring for his daughter

[ShiftingMonke]

"I said im your present now i want to make you happy" is the direct quote from the final lines of your post. If you're speaking directly about his ex, then I'm mistaken; but your post also isn't easily followed nor fully legible.

I can understand why you'd want him to distance himself from his ex, but unless you're seeking to assist him with his daughter, then I'd say you're more or less out of line; perhaps that's just my mentality of it, but I don't believe you can be in a relationship with a parent and also have nothing to do with their children. Parents and their children are a package deal, unless the child wants nothing to do with the parent or vice-versa. But to interject yourself into their relationship is bad, to deliberately avoid interaction with the child is just as bad.

I'm also hung up on the age; if she's 22, and you're on the higher end of your age window, I'm curious exactly how old he is. Again, I may just be completely out of touch with current events, but I'm forever shocked at how many relationship issues I see on here where the man is 20 or even 30 years older than the woman. I think it's both terrible and gross, and while that may not exactly be the case here, the whole thing stinks.

To be honest, I think you'll have better luck seeking advice from another user. I wish you luck with your situation.

[Asker]

Im 35
He is 45

[HighValue]

Just leave. Don't be with someone that has contact with an ex, or anyone that is sympathetic to druggies.

[Asker]

He will im jealous
I can't leave

[KrakenAttackin]

He needs to get custody of the child, your thoughts on this are irrelevant.

[Asker]

She is 22 and has her own life with her boyfriend

[EaterPeter]

Counseling?