How do I get myself back out there?

[Anonymous]

Just before Christmas my boyfriend of 4 years dumped me. I was completely heart broken we were meant to be finally buying a house a together and I really thought he was going to be my future.

But one day he just sat me down and said he was breaking up with me because he felt he'd made a huge mistake and didn't want to settle down yet even though he's almost 30 and in here 25 years old putting most my earlier 20s behind for him.

I was so young when we first started dating and he's a big reason I am who I am today. He moulded me into the woman he wanted me to be.

I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore. my ex was the only man I'd ever been with. He was even my first kiss.

I get hit on a lot by guys but I've always been extremely loyal and not gone that that road with other men.

But now I'm single after so many years I don't know if I want to go straight into a serious relationship again but that seems to be all guys want from me.

I've been on a couple dates and if I'm totally honest I'm just looking to have some fun but these guys start being really sweet and try to wife me up by pulling out all the stops on dates. Like buying me flowers and taking me on super expensive romantic dates and it scares me. I had this with my ex and look what happened I don't want to have to go through it again for it to be thrown in my face.

The thing is my ex made into his Idea of the prefect women and that's what a lot of other guys see as the prefect women too as to why I have this effect on men.

I want to get rid of that part of me and find who I really am and I'm not gonna do that by falling into the same routine as I had with my ex.

[Finchie40]

You have to understand that not all guys are the same and not all girls are the same , I had my heart crushed as well from a girl I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with but she backstabbed me and cheated on me , So I know your pain , Entering back in the dating world was definitely a rollercoaster ride for me , But the only way I was able to move forward was to understand that is wasn’t me that caused my ex to leave it was her selfishness that made her leave the same way your ex left you , it was them. Don’t change who you are as a person just because someone else changed , You did no wrong , you weren’t the one walking away from that relationship, so don’t blame yourself , it was his choice and his decision , if he truly loved you he would of stayed and worked it out with you so remember It was his selfish decision , not yours , so understand that you don’t need to change for anyone understand you can only treat someone the same way you want to be treated , understand love can’t be forced that love can only grow between 2 people when they both learn to remove selfishness for each other , I know you are probably going through a faze of not trusting or caring about anyone and just thinking you should just whore around and not give a fuck , Trust me I been there and I wish I could go backwards and stop myself from doing it but the damage is done and it was a lesson learned in my life that you need to just accept who you are as a person and that you can only treat someone the same way you want to be treated , Me personally doesn’t jump into any relationship, I date but I don’t rush into anything because I know most people can be selfish and only think about themselves , I been there and done it to realize it is so fucked up to do to someone that is actually trying to give you there heart , Find someone that will remove selfishness for you

[Jay3344]

For me, I took an idea and a chance. I moved to a new place with a decent support structure in place and became a wild land firefighter. I lived outside for months and developed a deep respect for who I was and my choices. I developed my integrity and had a lot of fun. After that I took a vacation using the WWOOF program and lived in Hawaii for 4 months. I hiked some of the Appalachian Trail and became a white water rafting guide after Hawaii eventually traveling to Italy and working on a sheep farm and making cheese. Everyone can take a journey like this and find out more about yourself. It wasn’t expensive. Apart from travel a person could reflect and be around old friends. Look at photos of you and your family before this guy and go on walks. Longgggg walks, like walks that get your mind active but then get your body tired enough to totally shut it off. Long walks helped me forgive some people in my life that had caused me a lot of pain. But I was doing like 24+ miles a day at the peak.

[Anonymous]

I understand you feel sad but you need to know the truth that he was not a good men. He leaded you in a black path and you believe it you thought that was the bright road.. I’m sure deep flown he knew you weren’t the one and he still wasted your time.
You have to realize that the men for you is out there. Do not waste your time for a loser and piece of shit that have you in you so easily.
Good thing is that at least you didn’t have any kids with him. You are so young , no kids , start fresh and strong again with a GOOD men. Learn form this mistake I’m sure you know how to read red flags now hopefully. I’m sure your ex had plenty of red flags.
The only way to get revenge is you GET HAPPY asap. Marry an amazing men have like 3 kids smile laugh let the world the haters and your ex see that love means.. not to give up.

[Opinion Owner]

Deep down *

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Not all men are the same. Some might be worse, some might be perfect.
If moving on is your goal, then go forward knowing that the possibility of failure is there, but it's not inevitable

In other words, don't give up on a good guy just because the last good guy broke your heart

[JSmuve]

You don't need to have casual relationships to "find yourself". That's just an excuse girls use to sleep around. Using sex as a pass-time isn't exactly an attractive quality and all it accomplishes is making you into a plaything to a bunch of guys who won't commit to you or break a lot of guys hearts who would commit to you. Maybe you need to step away from dating and reevaluate your values.

[exitseven]

It is hard to end a long relationship. A lot of your familiar reference points no longer are there. You must feel like you are adrift in a vast ocean. It will take time but eventually you will find the real you. Just go on some dates with some nice guy and have some fun and explore how you feel. Find some new interests that do not involve a significant other and try to expand your social circle.

[Stevefiveo]

Date whoever you want. Do whatever feels right to you. Just concentrate on you for now. You are just dating not married so just be upfront and don't worry about their wants for now. Just worry about yourself right now. Make your own rules. Good luck.

[D_Bone_Steak]

This might sound blunt but somebody has to ask...

So, did you get fat or something?

[Anonymous]

Don't start being a slut and sleeping around otherwise no guy will commit to you for sure.