He wants to have sex with me but doesn’t want to date me?

Question

This guy I really like just wants to be friends with benefits and doesn’t wanna date me anymore even though he once said in the beginning that he wanted to but now he’s like I’m tryna get my life together blah blah like I’m not gonna stop him from doing that he literally talks to me everyday doesn’t want me having sex with other guys which is understandable but he also gets mad if I talk about hanging out with a guy friend I told him I’ll just hang with them nothing sexual and he says he’ll get mad still and that he won’t forgive me and will never talk to me again he gets so jealous when a guy likes or talks to me it’s pretty clear he has feeling for me or am i wrong

DaveJord · Accepted Answer

So, I kind of have dealt with this issue with another woman. I will share this article with you... you probably need to read it. I hope it will allow you to better understand what I am saying.

www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-forward/201912/when-are-opposite-sex-friends-threat-your-relationship

In a truly committed relationship. There is required degree of trust that is essential to maintaining an emotional bond. So, when you have nonsexual relationships with other men, it can be viewed as form of cheating. You do not have to have sex with another man to cheat on your boyfriend... but when hang out with other guys you could be violating the emotional bond and trust he has in you.

Why is that? Well, there is imperial scientific studies that prove, that roughly 40% of woman and over 50% of men, have otherwise plutonic opposite sex friendship turn sexual over time. Men know this, because most romantic relationships start as pure friendship that over time become romantic. So, the guy friend you have now, given a few weeks or month could turn sexual at any given time... especially after you have a few failed relationships, and you start looking at them in a different light.

Impacts that opposite sex freinds can have on your romantic relationships can be extremely negative... as is the case here. Your boyfriend could be viewing the actions of you opposite freind as being improper or over crossing the line... even when you do not see your behaviors or your freinds behaviors as being improper. But if you love your boyfriend, you should trust that this freind is an issue.

You very well may never cheat on you boyfriend sexually, but when you are engaging in a relationship process with other men, all be it as just friends... you are actually engaging in building an emotional bond of friendship with another man. That makes the emotional bond you share with your boyfriend less significant and special. It actually undermines the essential bond of trust required to maintaining and developing a stronger emotional bond with your boyfriend.

So, in reality your boyfriend's objection to your behaviors actually is a sign of his level of emotional intelligence and maturity in knowing and understanding what is required to maintain a strong emotional bond. In order to build something more and stronger with a someone you love; you have to be willing to sacrifice somethings in order to full commit to the others. So, when you put greater value on your freinds you are honestly saying your relationship with him has less value to you then it does to him.

So, when this guy says you two can just hook up, but he does not want to date you... he basically saying you are not offering him the emotional bond he is looking for... but we can still fuck if you want. The real pisser of the deal for this guy is that he is full of shit honestly, because he still really cares for you... so hooking up will not work for him either. He just hasn't fully accepted the fact yet, that he needs to move on from you.

---------------

"One study by Walid Afifi, of Penn State University, showed that of more than 300 college students surveyed, 67 percent reported having had sex with a friend."

www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200109/can-men-and-women-be-friends

Leapfrog00 · Accepted Answer

If he's getting jealous, he wants more, trust me! He sounds kind of possessive though. Somestimes beautiful romances can blossom out of friends with benefits, because you're putting your trust in that person and sharing a special part of you. Having sex with him though would only cause you to form more of an attraction towards him and want him more.

Tell him straight out that he's acting jealous and you want something more. How's his personality? Do you think he would open a car door for you, or pull out you chair? I know this sounds old fashioned, but you can tell a lot by someone's actions on how well they treat you.

Does he listen to you when you talk? Take an interest in what you have to say? If not, he may not be worth it. Is there a reason why you like him? Is it because he's attractive? Or is he kind also? It sounds like he doesn't care about your needs if he only wants sex. If that's the case, you can do better. Don't waste your time on someone who doesn't care about you. It won't end well. If he does care about you, ask him why he's acting like this?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Sounds like he's just being possessive. There's a big difference between liking someone and being possessive. I've been down this road and it's not pretty. I wouldn't entertain him if I were you unless you just want to have sex with him and that's it.

LazerBean · Accepted Answer

He just doesn't want to lose his ticket to easy sex, that's all.

Gingerbread_GB · Answer

Seem like an asshole. He want to be your friend with benefit, then turns around bitch about you hanging out with other men.

If you want a relationship, get away from him. If you are ok with a casual thing, ignore his bitching.

Massageman · Answer

He wants to maximize his "return" (sex) from his "investment' (time spent with you), perhaps? These "feelings" he has for you- - - - - how do you know they are "forever" feelings as opposed to just some fast-burning "jump in the sack feelings"? I'm just not convinced he wants you for "YOURSELF" and all that entails, and not just your "BODY" for a a few hours a week. Weeks are 168 hours long!

Anonymous · Answer

Possessiveness, you can call it having "feelings" if you like. But it's not a very healthy for of feelings. I don't know if he's the real problem or you are. But either way you really need to learn what healthy manifestations of love are.

kakaling · Answer

He can be faking the act of love. It is a weapon.

You undervalued yourself, you overvalued him, stop having sex with him, and see what his reaction is. If he is threatening the love between the two of you, dump him. No question asked.

JamesDiaz11 · Answer

Guys are territorial, but they often only live up to the standards of behavior that is expected of them. If you want more, demand more.

spartan55 · Answer

Just he gets jealous doesn't mean he has feelings for you.

Iron_Man · Answer

You are being used for sex get out of there

exitseven · Answer

You should not be okay with this.

Sparkie460 · Answer

All he wants is the benefits from you

He wants to have sex with me but doesn’t want to date me?

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