I had sex with a close friend and now he’s ignoring me?

[Anonymous]

I have known this guy many years. We have always had an intensely close relationship, nothing has ever happened between us over the 15+ years knowing each other as we have both crossed paths with other people in our life. We always swore we would value the friendship over anything sexual, but two weeks ago out of the blue we ended up having sex. I was drunk, he was sober, it was amazing, and afterwards we both agreed it had been a long time coming. After he seemed upset, he said he was worried I wouldn’t want to be friends anymore but I reassured him I would and that it doesn’t change any tbh itv between us. He said he didn’t regret it but felt bad for me as he always swore he wouldn’t do this to me ( I assume he meant use me for sex) he then quickly dropped me home but was loving etc, the next day he messaged and we spoke as usual; he asked to meet for lunch like he usually does. The rest of that week he didn’t message, I did a lot and got a lot of blunt replies if any. I guessed I must have somehow hurt his feelings so a week on I apologised, he said he was sorry too and he had just had a busy week. I then messaged 3 times over the weekend which he has left me on read on all 3 occasions. I have decided to leave him be now, but I feel hurt. Why has he done this? We had spoke of sex a lot over the years but he always said if it ever did happen he wouldn’t just throw me away afterwards.

Updates

11 mo

Forgot to say it’s been 3 weeks since and he’s only texted once, which was a far cry from the usual everyday text I received before.

[FilmGuy93]

All you can do is give things time. He probably has to think things through, get a little bit of distance.

He probably never expected sex to happen with you, so he needs a moment to figure out what it all means.

[Asker]

Yeh I guess so, I mean we have been friends for 15 years and the past 7 or so we have spoke almost daily, so I’m sure he’ll get in touch at point becus surely he’s got to miss me even a little :’)

[FilmGuy93]

I'm sorry =(

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. I hope he comes around to you soon

[kuffs]

Maybe he thinks your whole relationship has changed. Maybe he has developed feelings for you being more than friends and having sex has made those feelings clearer. But he thinks you don’t want a relationship so he doesn’t know what to do. Think about if you just want to be friends or friends with benefits or if you want to take it farther. Just in case he has also.

[ushouldnotknow]

Wow... that's really a tough shell to be in. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Guys can be real jerks. Why do you think you hurt his feelings though?

[Asker]

Well I wasn’t sure, but I just figured after the first week of almost no contact I had done something in some way to offend him. I did message and told him to let me know if I had but he said I hadn’t, then he continued to ignore me. by the way I haven’t been bombardinghim with messages, it’s just been the odd on here or there over the weeks but he doesn’t reply to any. Oh well I guess I’ll just give him some time and if he wants to talk about it at some point he can contact me.

[ushouldnotknow]

I think you should confront him and ask him why he has been ignoring you. That's the only way you'll get the right answer.

[Anonymous]

Bruh you’re so freakin rude lol like why ask this question repeatedly when you don’t respond to anyone?

[Asker]

Excuse me I haven’t asked this before?

[Opinion Owner]

Slept with a friend and now he’s off with me? ↗

[Opinion Owner]

Not you?

[Asker]

No but similar

[Opinion Owner]

It’s literally you don’t do that lol nothing to be embarrassed of it’s just rude you have people trying to help and you ignored them all.

[Opinion Owner]

Another woman knowing a man 15+ years who recently slept with that best friend drunkenly now he’s being weird lol I can’t believe you’d deny that.

[Asker]

obviously have a lot of time on your hands…. 🥱

[Opinion Owner]

If using your eyes is time consuming I couldn’t imagine what you think isn’t lol

[spartan55]

@OpinionOwner
They never own it.

[Opinion Owner]

@spartan55 it’s so stupid🙄

[Anonymous]

When you cross the friendship boundary, how can you expect the friendship to be the same afterward? You can say it will be the same all you want, but these sorts of things cannot be compartmentalized at all. He's probably annoyed at his lack of control, and with you being drunk and him being sober probably feels even worse. But ultimately, we cannot choose the consequences of our actions... only our actions.

[Asker]

Well I feel like I’m the same, nothing is different with me. I can imagine regular sex to interfere with a friendship, but not just a one off unplanned moment. That seems immature to let that ruin what we had.

[Opinion Owner]

You can't decide how another person will react to a given event.

[Asker]

He did message this morning and I haven’t relplied. He’s ignored me for 3 weeks so I don’t feel bad. I have plans over the weekend anyway so concentrating on myself, if he ants to contact next week I may see what he has to say…

[Opinion Owner]

Then you also, are no longer the same...

[spartan55]

He doesn't know what to do or say so he is avoiding you.

[Anonymous]

Aww nice to see he value your friendship over your hole... don't lose him.

[Asker]

Of course, it definitely wouldn’t have been worth losing him for 😢

[Opinion Owner]

Relaxed just give him space...
Don't rush... I'm sure about it

[Summeroflove]

That’s why you don’t do that

[Asker]

Yes I’m starting to regret it myself 🤦‍♀️

[Summeroflove]

Well if you regret it. It means you’re still a good person. Bad people don’t feel bad. So just don’t do it anymore. Pray and repent and that’s all you can do and learn from your bad choices.

Some people don’t learn because they keep doing it.

[Wise4myage]

He obviously just used you for sex.

[Asker]

But he could have done that years ago, so why now it’s just so confusing

[Wise4myage]

Yeah I hear you.

[Anonymous]

Awkwardness.

[Asker]

Do you think he will come around In a few weeks or he will be awkward forever

[Opinion Owner]

I think it'll be ok. Start by texting, it's less awkward to break the ice. I can'tsay why 3 weeks though, it seems like he's being immature.

[Asker]

Yeh, if I as I’m sure he’ll just say he’s been busy again, which I don’t doubt, but to reply even bluntly would be something, no one’s too busy, if people want to they can make time to make an effort. So I guess I just need to take it as I see it

[In_Trance]

Live and learn

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆

[Asker]

What’s funny