The guy I was dating said he was having a hard time because he lost one of his jobs, had kids that needed all his money, and had a lot going on. I told him I would give him space and we could just be friends because he had yet to take me on a date in months, hadn’t gotten me anything for Valentine’s Day, and seemed to have no available date that he would be able to do anything. He seemed to understand and accept what I was saying for a minute until I was firm that we wouldn’t have sex or even kiss. He started to tell me I was being too serious about things. I told him I don’t want to continue with no real commitment or even dates or gifts. Unlike majority of the men I had ever dated who offered me expensive or just simply thoughtful gifts, dates, or even trips-he was not doing enough. I liked him because of a friendship we had for years before we even tried dating but I learned how big of a mistake that was. Anyway, as we talked somehow the conversation steered to WHY I was friendzoning him. I just told him that i was tired of seeing my sisters and friends recieve flowers and gifts (knowing that’s what I was used to before dating him) while I knew that he wasn’t doing that for me. He called me materialistic but I said that if that were true I wouldn’t have spent $200 on his birthday gifts after he had failed to get me a single thing for Valentine’s Day, I wouldn’t offer him money for emergency expenses and I would have chosen a man who was already doing all of that stuff. I liked him but the lack of effort was just too much. I know $400 isn’t an outrageous amount but I counted and that’s how much I spent in total on him since we started dating. He on the other hand hasn’t spent more than $40 total on the dates we went on. I don’t like how he doesn’t make me feel special. Things escalated when I accused him of not even trying and he told me to “get the fuck out my car.”
I blocked this guy and I think it was the right thing to do. But is it possible I WAS being materialistic and not understanding of his situation?
Updates
11 mo
Also I never would have told him how much I spent on his gifts and until this conversation he had no clue to how much it costed. But I was simply trying to get him to understand that I don’t mind spending money for special occasions or trying to get him special things. I like to give just as much as I enjoying receiving and it’s not about money. It’s about effort
Updates
11 mo
One more update but he could have planned something free and I would be just as happy. A date is all I wanted. It didn’t matter the cost. I had even offered to pay for the date before we had this conversation and offered him money to try to help him get out of the situation because my end goal was to go on the date. But he wouldn’t accept my money. But in the end we still weren’t doing anything more than sitting in the house late at night doing nighttime activities.
