We had a fight because for me, emotions matter a lot, and he just never expresses how he feels about me. I tried telling him this, and he says that I am asking for materialistic things, but for me, it matters. I tried so hard to explain from every perspectives. I even gave him example of his love language; how I try to make him happy etc etc. And he agreed, but he just said that he will try. It was so frustrating to make him understand and he still reacting plainly that I ended up having breakdown, but he even said that he cares and he too feels bad for being this. But why does his actions show something else.
So we decided to take a break from this 1 yr relationship..
But in the morning he messaged me and talked as if nothing went wrong. And I wonder how can he forget this so easily! Was that so easy for him!
I honestly am not understanding how to find a solution and make this relationship work. We have been together for a year now, but if I ask him something for, then he just says it's not a big issue and all, and I feel ignored, but he won't understand this.
It's getting frustrating to make him understand. To ask him to see him my perspectives.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
Honey he is who he is, stop trying to change him. If you need a man who opens up emotionally and expresses his feelings then that’s the kind of man you need to be with. You know yourself as a woman and what you need in a relationship, so stop trying to drag that out of someone who’s unwilling. Even if he’s not verbally expressing himself, do his actions do the talking? Does he show you that he loves you and adores you? Or is he lacking in that area and because of this, you need verbal affirmations? Ask yourself what the real issue is, so you can figure out the next steps. I’m sure you love the guy very much but you need to fall more in love with your standards and boundaries, that way you don’t feel attached to the point where you “can’t” leave and instead wanna beat him into submission.
His eyes says that he loves me, but in long distance relationship, i don't know how he feels. I can't meet him. So i think he should at least be somewhat verbal
Have you considered that maybe you aren’t meant for an LDR? I tried dating that way 3 different times and it ultimately was no different each time. I need affection, time in person, hugs on bad days, dates, movie nights. Quality time means a lot to me specially, because my boyfriend also isn’t big on verbal affection, but shows it with his actions. So if all you have are his eyes on FaceTime then I can understand how that’s not adequate. It’s going to mess with your energy, your spirit and emotions, this relationship is not serving you and I think deep down you know that.
On top of that there is no silver lining. Knowing you can’t meet him, what can you look forward to dear? Long distance is never meant to be long term and absolutely needs an end date in sight, otherwise it won’t work. You just rob yourself of time you can spend finding someone IRL.
Yes I understand. Today is the first day of break, and I want to make this relationship work. He too was cool when I said this to him, but the fact that he has to be verbal somewhat at least is something i don't know how to handle.
I talked to him in the morning and he said that he feels disheartened that he can't be verbal. He said he tried and he still failed.
I guess if he is trying, I feel like sticking to him.
He said he’s trying and failing, so what do you do with that? What exactly makes you stay in this relationship? What are the upsides that benefit you mentally, emotionally?
Just asking genuinely. You’ll probably ignore this if you don’t have an answer, but if you don’t then I think that should speak volumes for you.
The support he gives me. I think that's making me stay in this relationship. He has been there for me without complaining. And obv, he trying to make efforts just to make me happy. Even if he doesn't know how to be verbal, he never fails to make me laugh by cracking jokes over msgs.. he can't express, but he surely feels bad when I get sad about something.
You said in the above comment: you shouldn't try to change him. I guess I understand now. I am understanding what his love language is. We were together till now, and this is a long distance after a big period of time, and I never thought about his love language before, because before I felt satisfied through his actions. When I couldn't hold his hand or hug me, I guess it started hitting me.. I am thinking of his love language for the first time..
So without putting him first, are you compromising what you need in order to make this relationship work? From my perspective, I see a woman talking herself into settling. Yes he listens to you vent and supports you, but easily your friends, family, even a therapist can do that. The problem happens when you isolate or disconnect from those sources that help/support, then you attach yourself to the idea that he’s the only one. Sometimes you’ve got to take a step back and truly evaluate yourself: what do you need? Is it companionship and love from a man? Is it to feel cared for and nurtured? It’s true, you can’t change him, but do you just lower your standards to to accommodate his love language? Or do you just stifle your voice, become silent and stop asking for the things you need? In my mind, there’s just things you cannot sacrifice for a man, and mental health is one of them.
You are on a break so he doesn’t feel much. What do you feel?
Everything has started hitting me lol. I feel like cutting off contacts from everyone. I am not able to focus on my work too.
It's getting weird. I am sad i guess
That makes sense you feel sad. It’s like you want him to make more of an effort and tell you how close he feels but instead he’s able to live his life without you. Have you ever felt really needed by him after dating for a year?
Yes.. i have felt needed before. ... But all through actions, not verbally. We are in long distance for some time, but now he not verbal, is making things difficult.
That’s hard. If you are long distance and he can’t show you through action then I can’t see things getting better anytime soon. When do you expect to live closer together?
It will take another one month I guess.
Hang in there then. I know it’s frustrating but don’t expect him to change.
Thanks for help❤️ yes I will stay with him.
You are welcome. I had no doubts you will stay with him. Maybe when you meet him you can try to help him emote more