Is hitting ever okay?

Question

My boyfriend got annoyed at me, and instead of walking out of the room, pushed me out and hit me at the same time on my butt and arms.
I felt violated because it came from a place of anger. We have playfully hit each other before but when we both were joking around. This felt different, like he was taking out his anger.
When I asked him about it, he said he did it because I wasn’t listening to him 😏… yeah okay so violence is clearly the answer buddy!
He apologised for going ‘too hard’ on me but he wouldn't come out and say the words ‘sorry for hitting you’. He also downplayed it, saying it wasn’t that hard. I said, call it what you like, a hit is a hit. Wasn’t on my face but still, it very much felt like a man was trying to put me in my place.

How do I get him to realise what he did wasn’t okay?

At the time I thought he was joking, so I went back into the room (albeit feeling violated from the hitting) and continued talking to him about the thing that triggered him to push me out of the room (I was simply asking him to fold the tea towel next time he cleans the kitchen rather than leaving it scrunched up and he got annoyed, thinking I was nitpicky). He then chased me out of the room and threw water at me.

GreatBigCircles · Accepted Answer

The fact he refused to acknowledge that he resorted to physical altercation to express frustration, refused to accept responsibility for how it made you feel, tried to reframe it as a joke, and then attacked you again? You can't convince him or make him realize. This isn't one of the rare cases where a guy struggles to express himself in a healthy way, this is a guy who doesn't want to.

You should get out of this relationship before he tears you down.

piblo99 · Accepted Answer

Yeah i think even small hits are very VERY bad.

"How do I get him to realize what he did wasn’t okay?"

I think you explained it very well in this post!! maybe explain that internal feeling you got of him trying to put you in your place? and like tell him it's not all about the amount of force but like the feelings it causes. If he doesn't listen and give a better apology it sounds like u should run!!

kylee2437 · Accepted Answer

Nope , my ex did this to me and it was code word for get out of the relationship. I advise you leave him honestly because domestic violence starts at these moments