Why do guys get shy after flirting with you?

[Radiate143]

A cook at a restaurant I go to regularly has been flirting with me.

I finally caught on a week ago and started flirting back because he's cute and seems sweet.😏

Since it's during the dinner rush usually it's just smiles, eye contact, stares glances.

Last night, I came in with my friends.

I'm pretty sure one of the servers told him I was coming in because when I saw him he was already looking around the restaurant. We caught a glimpse of each other but never said "hi". He was in full cooking mode.

When leaving, my friend stopped to get some desserts to take out. He was standing in the open-kitchen.

He was kind of avoiding eye contact but I waited, our eyes met and I said hi and we smiled. Then he kinda scratched his ear and looked down.

Then some other prep cook stared at me. It was slightly awkward.

He was 1000% flirting with me before with the eyes and everything (nice ones not leery ones) and now he got all awkward.

Why do guys DO this? Ugh 😔

I was 1000% sure he was interested but now I'm having doubts. I don't want to make a fool of myself if it is just some sort of game between the restaurant staff. It's an all-male staff.

Updates

6 mo

📛📛UPDATE📛📛 So, I went in to get takeout today and the cook wasn't on the line. My takeout order got forgotten and I didn't get any mini appetizer like I usually do. When he's there my order is always there at break neck speed and I always get an appetizer sent over to me. Interesting

[Nirmroth]

Guy is making mistake number one and thats not making a move while she gives him a lot of signals.

Its like you said he's probably very shy, I don't know if you care but if not just pass him your number next time. Some guys need a kick in the ass to wake up.

[Radiate143]

He's probably married.

[Nirmroth]

And you're probably not brave enough to pass him your number. Seriously how would you know without asking or making a move

[Radiate143]

I am brave enough to do that. I actually have no issue totally doing the "man's job". But this is a bad idea if you are looking for a long-term relationship. When you are forward with men by giving your number without him asking, you get put into the "recreational use only" category. So when guys say girls should do the first move it's to get laid easier frim what I see.

I was with my friends last night so I think he didn't expect me to even acknowledge him. Also, it was near closing and everyone was around when usually no one is really by his station.

If I come in alone, he is really flirty. Anyway, I only just started flirting back so it's not a big deal. There is no rush. He's been sending me signals for months now. A week or two more won't be a big deal.

Can you answer me this though? It seems like a lot of the servers all start glancing at each other or horsing around whenever I come in. And if I do talk to the cook guy all the other line cooks will stare so hard. Like what's all that about? As a guy, I mean.

[Nirmroth]

Interesting take. My ex made the first move and we were toghether for 8 years. But I must say I got toghether with her bec I did smell easy sex (I didn't really know her as person) but then decided to take it serious bec I learned to really like her as a person aswell.

Thats easy, they all know that that guy takes interest in you and you in him. Either from him telling them or from observation alone.

[Radiate143]

bec I did smell easy sex See. And no guy can tell me any different because it's true. That's why anytime Inintiated I was disrespected and spoken to like a ho. So no, if he doesn't ask, he's not getting anything and I will just forget him.

Now, it doesn't mean I won't send BIG HINTS. Nothing wrong with that.

Thanks for the insight. I don't like when people gossip but I guess in a kitchen setting with them spending 70+ hours together it's inevitable.

[Nirmroth]

Now you're taking it a bit to far. I was very green behind the ears then and her making a move really helped me, espacially since I was pretty dense and thought she was just really friendly.

But back to you, ye thats common practice, girls send hints and guy if interested act on it or approach themselves. Might lead to confusion sometimes.

Gossip doesn't have to be bad, he likely just told someone that he saw a really cute girl today and that made the round.

[Radiate143]

No, all the servers will check me out when I go in. Talk amongst themselves. If I pass by (the restaurant is on my street) they go tell people I left and one server would be outside like they were waiting for me to get home and then texting each other. Like basically the entire wait and kitchen staff have kept tabs on me for months.

One server was playing cat and mouse with me teying to get my attention. Now he stopped since I started flirting with the cook. I nevwr flirted with the other workers there. Only the cook.

[AmeerX]

@Radiate143 *probably married?

[Radiate143]

@AmeerX yeah. We girls get hit on by married guys all the time.

[MiddleAgedClimbee]

It's hard to say. Maybe he's not used to receiving attention 😊

[Radiate143]

That's an interesting theory.

[MiddleAgedClimbee]

Just trying to think outside the usual angle

[MiddleAgedClimbee]

Thank you for selecting me for MHO

[Radiate143]

Did you see the update?

[Evananswersquestions]

It could be multiple things I don't like to make everyone know whom I am flirting with so he could have been trying to keep it inconspicuous or you may have done something by mistake that made him feel that you were uninterested. Either way go by yourself and tell him that you'd like to see a movie or eat somewhere outside of work you'll feel better no matter what he says. 😉

[Radiate143]

He's been flirting in front of people for mo ths. Please. I think he didn't want to embarks me in front of my friends. I said hi because I didn't want him to think I would be ashamed of him or not want to acknowledge him. He returned the greeting and smiled big, as usual, then kinda looked down and rubbed his neck or his ear.

[Evananswersquestions]

You would know better than I would because I am not there it does sound to me like he's interested and like you say probably shy you should take this chance to engage him and invite him on a date to get to know him better outside of his work. I hope it all works out for you 🙏

[Radiate143]

😊 🫂 thanks

[lildkman1090]

I get shy because things get said and I get embarrassed

[Radiate143]

We haven't spoken really. He's a cook so we can't really have a conversation. I would slip him my number but guys take that as an offer of easy sex while I just want to have a proper conversation, if possible.

[lildkman1090]

I wish things would go that way for me

[Radiate143]

Easy sex or conversations?

[lildkman1090]

Both in a way I just am not built like that

[Billlewis]

I think a dead man would flirt with you... lol

[Radiate143]

Umm. I don't know how to take that 😬

[Billlewis]

That's a genuine heartfelt compliment. You are absolutely magnificent, and I'm trying to curry favor with you, in the hopes that you'll follow me, Goddess 8><3

[Radiate143]

I do follow you.

[Billlewis]

Duh, you're already following me. I'm such an idiot...

[spartan55]

I think you are digging far too deep into all the staring nonsense. Have you even talked to him beyond "hi"?

[spartan55]

Some sort of what game? Girl you are overthinking the shit out of this. Let it marinate a bit.

[AmeerX]

He probably got lots of work and thought you were too good for him and that's why you didn't say anything to him.

[Radiate143]

I did say something to him. I said hi. I always do.

[AmeerX]

You assumed he is married so what's the point of the question? Leave it be

[Radiate143]

I don't believe in assuming. Why would I assume. I ask and he is so what. What have Inlost, nothing. It's a 50 50 shot. Why would I miss out on the chance that he isn't married and we could have an amazing connection, fall in love and build a life together. A harmless question and a little awkwardness is a microscopic risk to take

[AmeerX]

Glad you got that out of your mind.
I think your approach was wrong. You should talk to him or give him your number or ask him for his.

[Radiate143]

Why do you say my approach was wrong?

[Radiate143]

Also, he is to approach me. I reciprocate. That is how it goes between women and men. When women do the approaching men see them as friends with benefits.

[AmeerX]

He approached you, weren't you saying he flirted with you?

[Radiate143]

Yes, flirted back and now he is a little shy with me. Not too much. But when he smiles I can see he is a little nervous and a bit shy.

Really, I think he saw me with my friends and assumed I wouldn't want to talk to him.

[AmeerX]

It's a possibility. He didn't want to embarrass you in front of your friends

[Radiate143]

Yes, that's why I said hi and made eye contact. But I didn't do it flirty, just friendly because people.

[AmeerX]

Bingo, you understand it

[Radiate143]

🫂😊

[AmeerX]

It could be that or today was busier than usual

[Radiate143]

No, I went before the rush on purpose because I was hoping to be able to chat with him. Usually when I come it's deep dinner service and it's crazy.

[AmeerX]

Oh man, this seems sad. Why wasn't her there? May be he had flu or something?

[Radiate143]

No, it's just his day off. Kitchen staff have weird days off.

[AmeerX]

I think you should ask the staff if he is married or not

[Radiate143]

I don't even know his name. I will handle it when I can handle it. This happened for a reason. The only doubts are his availability and his interest in taking it beyond the restaurant. Not his attraction.

[AmeerX]

You don't even know his name? Man first world problems I never understand

[Radiate143]

He is slinging meat in the kitchen during the dinner rush. Do you know what a kitchen is during dinner rush? I think the fact we got this far is pretty good. Actually, I'm pretty flattered that he made the most of every time I came in there to get noticed. Shows he's a fast thinker.

[AmeerX]

As a matter of fact, I do. They are pretty busy there.

Yeah it seems like it 😁

[Willlovewinintheend]

Oh @Radiate143 you looks hot... oh I got to go, I'll see you later, bye.

[Radiate143]

What?

[Jennz6]

I bet he’s just shy

[Radiate143]

Yeah. In a, good way, though. I hope he's available.

[Jjuttgbhh]

They just realized what they’d done. maybe. 🤣😥

[Juxtapose]

You women amaze me with how you lambast men for not making the first move and then you yourselves refuse to make the first move.

[Radiate143]

I actually did a poll and a sizeable chunk of guys answered that I woman just flirting back with a man was thirsty and desperate.

Anyway, we have already figured out that it was jist because there were a bunch of people around.

It is a busy kitchen environment and he is cooking when I see him. He knows I am interested. There is nothing wrong with a woman wanting a man to court her and it bodes better for long term relationships and comittments. This is how women protect themselves from being used then getting blamed for having "high body counts" by the same guys who want to be alphas and expect women to put out.

Men are confused. As usual.

For quick sex yes, women should absolutely make the first move.

[Radiate143]

Also, no lambasting was going on. I am the one who looked at him until he was able to make eye contact and greeted him first so I don’t know what you are actually referencing.

I see him weekly or bi weekly. Everyone knows us from the neighborhood. We'll me for sure. There is no rush. Slow burn.

[Juxtapose]

Only weirdo incels care about your body count.

[Radiate143]

I agree. But I mean, I'm not mad at him. He has been consistently warm, polite and showed interest without being a leering asshole. I, like, literally like him.

[Juxtapose]

Well I hope it goes well.

[Radiate143]

Thanks! 😊

[jahaims]

Lack of confidence

[Radiate143]

Or married?

[jahaims]

How would being married make you more shy? Embarrassed/ashamed, maybe, but being married is irrelevant to being shy.

[Radiate143]

If you are flirting and giving strong signals of romantic interest to woman and she doesn't know you are married then she reciprocated then yeah... that's a reason to act funny. A lot of girls here wondering about shy dudes and I would bet that a good chunk of them are guys just trying to get female attention nit thinking at all about anyone's feelings but their own.

[Radiate143]

Married or attached guys i mean. Happens A LOT! Some guys will play cat a d mouse with a woman forever jist to feed their ego even getting off on her ci fusin and disappointment because they never progress things but dangle the carrot in her face. Sadistic.