What happened to communication - breadcrumbs?

[shuzen]

Hi!

I am really fond of communication and usually pretty expressive. I feel mature enough to be sick of the mind games, yet there is a lot of vagueness in the dating scene: guys like stories, comment and are all up in my space but they rarely initiate. We have a good, deep talk, nothing flirty and stuff just basic start of a friendship then the next day, two, three, they never initiate a conversation again but pull the story watching, liking everything and commenting emojis to pull me in to initiate.

I am pretty straight forward and usually I initiated in the past: what is the big deal? Why is it seen as desperate to talk daily or every other day with someone you're interested in and already had a meaninful chat with?

But I am sick of this. Initiating with a guy often means later on he won't initiate anything and I have to carry the entire relationship. I can't be both feminine and the chaser. To me, they feel weak and confusing.

It has become a recurring thing: good first convo, flowing, laughs and all and then the next day everything dead and they just circle me with hints hoping I will initiate.

Guys, I get that it sucks to initiate, however either say something or don't give the silly, meaningless "signs" at all (you can like all my posts and stories and I will not get back to you, such cowardness!)

I even initiated some times to see what happens, had another deep long talk, but then the same behavior. Possible they don't like me enough, but I found this common in general. Is healthy communication dead?

In my view it's so simple: we had a good first chat, let's have another and see what happens - what is up with the game bs? And waiting games? No one asks for constant talking but breadcrumbs or coming again after over a week? And for shy guys? Wake up, some talking doesn't mean anything romantic yet, why can't we just get to know each other? Why so shy if you already saw we can communicate like two decent persons?

[Oliverlogan263]

Okay, let me try to explain the male perspective on this "breadcrumbing" behavior:

- For many guys, initiating conversation can feel high-pressure. Like if the convo dies, it reflects poorly on them or seems desperate.

- After a good first talk, they want to leave a good impression but worry too much texting may come across as needy or obsessed. Easier to let you initiate next.

- Social media makes it easy to pay subtle attention without committing to a back-and-forth. Likes and comments are low-effort gestures to show interest.

- Maybe they aren't sure if you're really feeling it and don't want to risk rejection if they reach out again. Easier to wait for you.

- Possible they're talking to multiple people and haven't decided who they really vibe with yet. Waiting keeps options open.

I agree it's lame and immature though. Real communication is a two-way street that takes effort from both sides. If a guy isn't willing to put in that effort early on, he's probably not that serious.

My advice would be don't reach out first next time. See if they step up to continue getting to know you, or if they fade back into the woodwork. Their behavior will tell you their real level of interest. Don't sell yourself short - you deserve a guy who wants to talk to you as much as you want to talk to them!

[shuzen]

Very immature and ego-driven.

It's lame even as friends. Communication is a lost art, unfortunately nowadays keeping in touch mostly means sharing reels and memes.

I've had enough of superficiality.

Thanks for the detailed response!

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah, you hit the nail on the head. These dudes playing games and being superficial are immature as hell. Real communication is such a lost art now.

It's sad too, cuz building real connections with people, whether romantically or as friends, is so valuable. But most would rather just like posts and scroll past each other than have actual meaningful talks.

I feel you on having enough of that BS too. It seems like your head's in the right place, wantin something deeper and genuine. That's dope as fuck if you ask me.

It's tough out here finding people like that. But I respect that you know what you want and ain't gonna settle for less. Maybe we're in the minority nowadays, but I think that just means we gotta connect with each other that much more, you feel me?

Like if we can find even a few friends who just wanna talk for real and build each other up, that's way better than hundreds of fake friends. You seem like one of the real ones, keep doin your thing.

[shuzen]

Yeah, it's just a bit tiring since I can't always intuit whether or not a person is serious or just for one two talks.

I have my good, deep friendships but also have an open heart and mind when approached for a talk.

In the end, it's always a risk trying to build something.

All the best to you as well!

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah I get that, it must be hard trying to figure people out when they're being so inconsistent. On the one hand you want to be open to meeting new people, but then you run the risk of wasting your time on someone not serious. Building any kind of relationship is a risk if you don't know the other person's intentions.

I guess all you can really do is trust your instincts during the initial talks, see if you feel a genuine connection, but also protect yourself a bit by not getting too invested too fast until you're sure they're willing to put in the effort too. And don't be afraid to call people out if they start fading away or playing games - maybe that'll get them to straighten up or it'll save you the trouble.

It's good you have solid friendships you can count on. Hopefully putting yourself out there still pays off eventually and you find people worth taking a chance on. Just don't lose that open heart, but definitely protect it too, you know? Anyway, thanks for the chat - take it easy!

[caring__1]

Most people have lousy communication skills. Females claim they are better, but that usually just means they talk all the time. Talking and communicating are totally different activities. It's too bad schools don't feel communication is important enough to at least teach basic communication skills from a young age. If you talk a lot, guys may back down and not attempt to compete with you. People generally are more interested in being heard than hearing and understanding the other.

Also, people tend to be vague and general to avoid limiting their opportunities or be held accountable for anything. If everyone chose to be clear, concise, open and honest, we wouldn't have to waste so much time heading off on paths that will never take us where we want to go. Quality communication is a key component of a healthy relationship. You can see if people might be open to learning communication skills, but never expect them to change if you see no effort on their part.

[_Maya_]

Maybe the lose interest because they don't feel like they are compatible after talking for a few days or however it typically goes for you. Instead of just saying this doesn't look like a good fit they sorta trail off in hopes that you will take the hint. That is just one possibility. It is hard to say because everyone is different. It also depends on how you are communicating with them. Most guys I know are really not big texters. Others don't like to chat on the phone. There could be any number of reasons.

[shuzen]

I understand what you mean. I am able to see when there is nothing and accept it. But it is confusing to talk even multiple times and deep conversations only to trail off. It's not even about romance, is friendship as the basis something so weird nowadays? I typically consider low compatibility when the conversation is forced and dry, not the other way around, but who knows.

[_Maya_]

I get what you are saying completely and agree with you. I don't think forming a friendship is a bad thing but maybe they are viewing as being friend zoned? I don't know either.

[shuzen]

Could be. Some guys are weird. Even if with one of them I was in the talking stage he told me he knows he is out of my league but still trying. Why say that? If I talk to you and share with you, then I like you. Dating is too much trouble it seems.

[_Maya_]

I think also people want to rush things so quickly these days.

[shuzen]

Unfortunately true. It is a paradox - no constant communication for a good foundation but straight to romantic mind games.

[_Maya_]

And sometimes even worse... straight to trying to get in your pants...

[shuzen]

It seems so. I usually don't encounter many of those thankfully because it's easy enough to see they are that kind of person and avoid it.

[Kathy101]

Exactly. I don't know what's happened to healthy communication. Unfortunately now (immature) people think it's cool to ghost, manipulate, ignore, confuse the other. HATE it!

[Avicenna]

There might be some underlying issues that cause these communication deficits

[In_Trance]

I think you're just picking the wrong guys

[shuzen]

Could be. Mostly they come to me or it happens by chance though. Maybe I am too simplistic if I think having good conversation is a good start for friendship instead of ending there and ghosting. Can please the better people come haha

[In_Trance]

I wish you luck

[shuzen]

Thanks