I need advice on why this guy has randomly ghosted me after 3 straight months of talking. I'm 20F and he's 23 and we met in our uni class. We first started to talk as friends and then it started when he brought up silly bands and the next day he brought them in bc I had said I missed seeing those every day and he told me to keep them. He saw me outside the gym and said hi as well as asked me to workout with him. He eventually started to walk with me to work after our class and would stay around until I needed to clock in. He then eventually (bc we didn't have each others contact) slid into my canvas after my BJJ practice and he drove me home afterwards. He would constantly would say things like "When your my girlfriend", "I would make time for you", "I'm trying to date you" and he would kiss my forehead. Lots of very much like he wanted things to be real with me. He even one night said he wouldn't be there if he didn't like me. When we first started talking he didn't have a job and we would see each other often until like 2-3 am but we wouldn't go on dates (he's a commuter so it makes sense). after 2 months of talking I got upset one day that he was starting to be very distant and he hadn't waited for me after class so I went straight to my work but he ended up following me there after he realized I hadn't chased after him. Recently he had been ghosting me for days on end so the next time he responded I asked him what was going on and he said that the "weird vibes" were his fault since he was busy and had family issues going on. But now he has ghosted me for a full week even though for three months we would text pretty much every day and now I can't tell if he has officially ghosted me, isn't into me, or isn't lying about having one issues going on. The problem is I can't double text him, I'm not chasing after someone who doesn't want me but if someone is going to be very intent but slow for three months was he just playing me for that time? HELP?
Did he ever like me? Does he still like me?
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Unfortunately that’s how it goes sometimes. In my opinion those first 3-4 months are the honeymoon phase, everything is rosey and nice, he has his best face on for you and vice versa, but it can fizzle out. Not because he doesn’t like you or never liked you, I just don’t think he’s committed to investing or prioritizing you (or any other woman really) the way he expressed before.
I’m sorry, I know it’s a bummer because you’ve grown attracted to him and it’s like whiplash since he was putting so much effort and now not, it can be hurtful. This is why I advise my friends on to set any expectations those first 3 months. It never fails that this is the juncture where someone in the connection fumbles the ball. My advice to you is get busy and forget about him.
If he comes back around you may be excited but you already know what to expect and it’s disappointment. I am glad to see you have the restraint not to chase him and it sounds like you have the strength to cut him off, so I hope you do. It’s nothing against him as a person, I’m sure he’s very nice and you enjoy time with him. But he just isn’t consistent with mutual effort and can’t prioritize you properly. Maybe in the future you two will get a proper shot but not right now, you won’t get anything new.
He’s seeing someone else and only talks to you when he finds time. Don’t be his back up option. Tell him you’re moving on because you never settle for 2nd choice
How often did you initiate contact? How did you show interest?