Should I be concerned about his behaviour and letting himself go?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been with my fiancé for three years.

when we first started dating, he used to run and try to take care of himself looks wise. Now, he can’t be bothered… he has put on a lot of weight and to the point where he looks obese. In fact, he is classed as obese when doing the BMI calculator.

He always wants to eat take sways and I’ve tried to get him to eat nice healthy food but he just won’t.

Im starting to think he must be unhappy in the relationship. The sex has slowed down as well and I had words with him about that. He said he was glad I brought it up because he did need a bit of a shake up but he seems to have reverted back to his old ways.

Im starting to think maybe I’m just not the girl for him 🤷🏼‍♀️

I've been really poorly this week and he let me cook my own tea instead of making something healthy for me whilst he went out and got a Chinese. When he’s sick, I always look after him properly 😔

[Lliam]

Now that he has a wonderful woman locked in as a fiance, he might be getting complacent and reverting back to his old lifestyle. Maybe this is his normal state of being. Maybe he only got in shape until he found a woman.

I'd hold off on marrying him until straightens himself out, that's for sure. If he's married, he'll have no incentive and may get worse.

Right now he's acting like an addict and might need to hit rock bottom before he decides for himself to get it together.

[Asker]

He complains about back ache and other problems with his knees so I told him to lose some weight and they might get better. He took offence but I really think he needed telling. So I’ve tried to tell him at least. I really don’t know what else to do. I think you’re right he is very complacent but I don’t know exactly what else could be causing this. I think he does have a history of some anxiety so it could be that he is reverting to old ways and I just don’t know what he was like then

[smne35]

If you live him don't give up it's already ready to walk away that to stand firm and find a way to reach him, and you have tried to reason with him, there must be something heavy on his mind to flip so quickly as he has, and it's true maybe he's just too comfortable with you, some guys take this approach when they feel like they got you game set match I can just chill she's going nowhere, attitude, but if this is his thinking then you can do what ever and he may come around but if he's in that complacency mind set he needs to be shocked back to his old self and maybe the thought of losing you might just wake him if not you know what you want and won't put up with so do what you must to be happy and hopefully he will come around and take things more serious this time

[bobalife]

Is it he’s happier this way or he’s actually stress and unhappy? I’ve seen couples where they are happily in love and one or both gained weight together, but they’re still in love and happy. Will that bother you or are you able to still love him? Or is he really unhappy where he’s no longer taking care of different areas in his life? I think it’s abit mean to solely focus on the weight gain… instead of just lovingly check in how is he really doing… is he happy and comfortable, or unhappy and going through stress? Then, I think it’s okay to express your concerns of change in lack of sex and how to maintain the relationship moving forward.

[SphynxUK]

He must make good money if he’s buying take away every night and never going out!
And what about you? Do either of you cook at all? Maybe try cooking together and eating together.
A lot of people
Get comfortable when they move in together and it takes a bit of effort to build in date nights etc and something nice to look forward to each week. Suggest it. See if he enjoys sprucing himself up for the date. If he still doesn’t make any effort you might suggest he think about seeing his doctor. Especially if his mood is low.

[PeachyPie93]

It could be that he hates running his own business. If he is constantly stressed from work, it will make life feel unbearable. He is probably eating crap because it makes him feel some sort of happiness. Also he is having less sex because he is out of shape, men not in shape it takes a toll on them to do it. Maybe suggest you want to go running with him. or something to get him trying it again.

[Asker]

I had a conversation with him last night and it seems work is playing on his mind. I honestly think it’s all a bit much for him but he won’t admit to it because he’s very proud and it’s like admitting defeat. He thanked me for listening to his problems and I tried to give him some solutions that I thought would help him

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he's grown complacent and needs a bit of tough love. I know you already talked to him about it but you need to really stress that the weight is getting out of hand and if you want to go into a marriage with me, you need to get healthier. How will you be able to bring in kids if you are unhealthy and will eventually grow too sick to take care of the kids from your unhealthy weight? You need to lay it down for him that the lifestyle he has now is not good for you guys future.

[Staximus]

What else is going on in this guy's life that might be causing him stress? Family problems, death in the family, work problems, or are you giving him hell? He sounds either stressed or depressed.

[Staximus]

Do you ever cook for him? That may be why he gets take out

[Asker]

I’m not giving him hell at all 😂 in fact he has said that coming home to me is the only happiness he feels sometimes. He’s honestly got nothing to be depressed over. I helped him set up his own business this year and it’s thriving. I’ve arranged house cleaners and gardeners so he doesn’t have to do any house work to take the pressure off. I have a great job myself so I don’t rely on him financially. His family are all ok health wise etc. that’s why I’m wondering what the heck is wrong with him! He has been heavier in the past many years ago but I’m wondering if maybe he has something psychological going on

[Staximus]

Is he overwhelmed by the new business? Something is causing him to not want to put forth any effort

[Asker]

I’m not sure really… I don’t think so. He doesn’t have any reason to be

[Staximus]

You mentioned he said coming home to you is the only happiness he feels sometimes. Is that when he comes home from work? Have you ever asked him what's making him unhappy?

[Asker]

Yes that’s when he comes home from work. He’s got a great job though and his own company so it makes no sense

[Staximus]

He's got a great job and his own company. Maybe that's the problem. Either the "great job" or his own company or the combination of the both

[Asker]

Maybe he doesn’t like having responsibilities?

[Staximus]

Maybe the great job is not so great

[Staximus]

Running a business and working a job is a hassle. Most people usually only do one or the other because it makes their life easier, not both at the same time

[Asker]

But the rewards are so great working for yourself. He’s his own boss and making more money. He was miserable working for someone else and now it seems he’s miserable again. He’s just never happy

[Staximus]

I thought you said he has a job and has his own business

[Asker]

Yes he worked for someone else and hated it and so set up his own business which is doing great but now he seems miserable again!

[Staximus]

Does have a job working for somebody else and his own business or just his own business?

[Asker]

Purely his own business and nothing else

[Asker]

Thanks for your help in trying to figure this out. I just don’t understand it

[Staximus]

How much sunlight does he get

[Asker]

Not a lot I don’t think but neither do I

[Crankor]

What was his mindset when he was keeping in shape vs now? Has his lifestyle changed? I will say, eating habits do absolutely effect your body's actions and mood.

[Asker]

I think his mindset then was that he wanted to impress me but now he has me so he’s not bothered. I swear the engagement was only so he could lock me in and I wouldn’t go anywhere.

[Crankor]

Ah yah that's a typical attitude unfortunately for both men and women. I always tell people, even when your married you should still act like your dating. Marriage in itself is just a title. Well If it were me I would Def figure out if your happy with him now or If you think he is capable of being the person you were attracted to before having kids.

[Anonymous]

How tall how much does he weigh? What's his body fat percentage?

I can tell you speaking from experience when I was doing heavy weight lifting in 2022/2023 I weighed 187.5-189/190
After I got cancer and had a tumor removed and had to move out of my apartment because my friend was dying I lost a significant amount of weight plus being on chemo makes it hard to keep weight on and now my friend died it's just hard to keep and maintain my current weight which is 15lbs to 17lbs lower then my 187.5 previous weight
When I was 187.5 I had a gut but I switched my diet around did more calisthenics and able to move around much better and able to lift my own body up in mid air before I couldn't

[spartan55]

Find out what is going on because I bet it isn't even about you.

[sheikalana]

I would be very concerned. There’s no excuse for a young dude to behave that way.

[Jamie05rhs]

Yes. There's something going on here. He seems to be in a slump. Maybe he's dealing with something mentally.

[jarkitor20]

Have you talked to him about it? Maybe something is going on with him.

[SotiCoto]

You come across as controlling and manipulative.
It is probably robbing him of his will to live.

[OddBeMe]

Can’t say that’s not an option. Will that decrease your love for him?

[serious_miss419]

He’s depressed and you your added nagging is adding to it.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he has lost interest in you.. time for you to move on

[getwiththepg]

Sounds like his T levels are dropping rapidly.