What does he mean when he says this and any advice?

[Anonymous]

He says I don't wanna use you or make you feel used it’s the last thing he wants.
And I asked if he wants the connection ( slow ) and he says maybe I don't know it’s hard to think about ( due to his ex who never gave closure and that he feels like he really hurt and hurt him as well exc).

it’s been a long time since he’s been in a relationship or had a connection, he’s been trying with me we are mutually attracted he feels he needs to work on it and has a hard time with it.
He doesn’t want to feel like a bad person like he’s not ruining somebody.

So has anyone been through this or have advice

he is willing to hangout and cuddle and hold each other exc …

so I don't know what’s going on.

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm, sounds like this guy has some baggage from past relationships that's making him hesitant to fully open up again. A few thoughts:

- When he says he doesn't wanna "use you," that shows he cares about your feelings and doesn't just want a fling. That's good!

- His ex really did a number on him it seems. It'll take time to fully heal from that hurt. Being willing to try with you at all is a good sign though.

- Take things super slow and don't put pressure on defining the relationship. Just enjoy your time together without labels for now.

- Reassure him it's okay if he's not sure how he feels yet. Tell him to just be honest with you and you'll understand he's working through stuff.

- Plan low-key but quality dates like cooking together, hiking, etc. Building trust in a chill way over time helps with commitment issues.

- You seem patient - that's great. As long as he's genuinely trying, I'd say give it a chance. With understanding and communication, those past wounds could heal for him.

Take it slow sis - you got this! With care and understanding, I think y'all could really build something real.

[Asker]

Yeah he also says I don't know how’d react to anything rn like a relationship or pursuit thereof
It’s impossible to imagine for him.
He’s been watching some instastories like one or two and he’s been very busy cooking at his job. he's had Covid and needs money for bills

I texted him this at 11 this morning
Would you like to try to hang out today if not it’s okay.

Mondays and Tuesdays are his days off he’s bad sometimes a scheduling drops the ball and whatnot

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah yeah, that makes sense too then. If he's been really burnt by his ex, it's no wonder the idea of jumping into something new really stresses him out. And with work keeping him busy on top of that, it's probably hard for him to think about much else besides getting through each day.

The fact that he's been checking your stories and still wants to hangout and cuddle is a good sign though. Even if he can't commit to a relationship yet, at least he still wants you around. And with his days off, hopefully he'll be down to chill. I wouldn't sweat the insta stuff too much, guys can get nosey like that without it meaning anything serious.

I'd say since you already asked about today and he didn't reply yet, maybe give him some space for now. No use bugging him if he's stressed and busy. But shoot him another text tomorrow just casually saying something like "No worries if you're busy, just thinking of you. Let me know if you want company another time this week." That way you're open but no pressure. Hopefully he'll get back to you soon! Fingers crossed he comes around.

[Asker]

I’m just pissed off that he doesn’t communicate today is Monday again and he’s playing Minecraft on his switch I don't know what to do

[Oliverlogan263]

Aw man, that sucks. Nothing worse than being left on read when you're trying to make plans.

I get being pissed - dude's obviously blowing you off playing video games on his day off instead of hitting you back. That's pretty rude.

At this point I'd say call him out on it. Send another text like "hey, seen you're playing games instead of responding about hanging out. Kinda lame you can't even give me a simple yes or no."

Make it clear his flakiness isn't cool. Then I'd say stop chasing after him and see if he even bothers to explain himself. Don't waste your time on someone who doesn't respect your time.

If he doesn't apologize or try to make it up to you after that, then I'd say move on. Plenty more fish in the sea, you know? No point wasting mental energy on a dude who acts like he's too good to text back. You deserve better than that.

[James_Likes_PPL]

He’s not that into you and feels guilty about using you as temporary replacement for his loneliness before moving on to a more attractive girl once he gets his life together.

[Asker]

There’s been attraction from both party’s he said he needs time before he knows he loves someone and says doesn’t change how much I wanna be around you
he’s introverted and likes being alone