I might be totally overthinking this, but here we go. My friend met a woman and they started going steady not even a week later. Granted, I thought it was fast considering he still isn't over his ex, but I supported him. In my hesitancy, I decided to not say my concerns, until he started giving me more things to be concerned about. When I started asking about her, it was like pulling teeth.
He mentioned before that when he gets girlfriend he doesn't want too many female friends. I mentioned in a joking way about how it was nice knowing him now that we can't be friends anymore. He said, "No we can still be friends. I'm gonna talk to my girlfriend about us and if she doesn't like that you and I are hanging out alone then that's her problem. I really appreciate our friendship and I don't want us to lose that."
That was about two months ago. At work, he doesn't mention her at all unless I or someone else brings her up first and he's always so short with his responses. At Christmas, we spent our hour break with each other and he NEVER brought her up. I wanted to, but I always do and wanted to give him a chance to do it on his own.
I recently invited him, his girlfriend and a few other friends out for my birthday and he said he was going, but when I asked about his girlfriend, he kept dodging the question. The day of, he said something had come up and he wasn't able to make it, but wanted to make it up to me by taking me to my favorite restaurant. I told him he should bring his girlfriend and he shrugged then said, "we'll see." I told him again it would be cool and he replied, "Nah, that's okay. We can just go. Us two. She'll be fine."
Maybe I am overreacting, but his behavior just seems so weird to me. Someone please tell me if I am mentally blowing this out of proportion. Is this weird or do I just have a delusion of how a relationship should look like?
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Girl this does sound kind of weird to me. A few thoughts:
- His weird dodginess about his girl is a red flag. If he liked her, he'd want you to meet her.
- His whole "she won't like us hanging out" thing is BS. Either he didn't actually talk to her about you or she's not cool with you and he knows it.
- It's shady that he keeps blowing off bringing her around or mentioning her. Makes it seem like he's hiding something.
- The age gap is kinda eyebrow raising too. Makes me wonder if she's maturity-wise on his level.
All that said, maybe try not to assume the worst yet. Could be nothing. But I'd let him know his behavior comes off strange and you're feeling distant. See how he reacts. If he's defensive or blames you, that says a lot.
Watch out for yourself sis! Don't be afraid to distance yourself for your own good. You don't need to deal with any shady relationship drama. Keep me posted how this plays out!
lol! For sure!
Update: he stopped following me on instagram.
Woah, that's super lame of him dude. Unfollowing you on Instagram is such a wack move. I bet his girl put him up to that, she sounds like a real piece of work! I wouldn't be surprised if she's snooping through his followers and freaking out over any girls she sees. Major insecure and possessive vibes from her. You definitely didn't do anything wrong though, he's being a straight wimp letting her dictate who he can be friends with. I'd be like "yo what's up with that unfollow? We been friends forever, she gotta chill." And if he just sheepishly brushes it off, then you know she's got him wrapped around her finger tight. Hopefully he'll smarten up and stand up to her crap before she cuts him off from all his friends. Don't let them stress you, you know you ain't trying to steal him or nothing. Some chicks just gotta stir up drama, ignore that noise sis!
Thanks for the reply! In the meantime though, should I ask him about i, leave it alone or unfollow him as well?
Hmm, tough call on what to do next. On one hand, maybe asking him about it directly could get you some clarity on what's really going on. But there's a chance he'll just deny or dodge the question too. Personally I think unfollowing him back would send a clear message that you're not down to be part of his secret drama games. Like "aiight bro, you do your thing, but I ain't playing these childish hide and seek games."
At the same time, unfriending or confronting might make work stuff awkward since you still see each other regularly. My advice would be this - don't bring it up directly, but if he tries talking to you just be chill and keep convo casual/work-related for now. Him unfollowing you first is like a preview that he's not being fully honest, so I'd just let things play out without making any moves yourself yet. If he starts trying to pull you into more secret plans one on one, that's when I'd say firmly that you're good and leave it at that. His actions will say plenty without needing confrontation. Just stay in your lane and keep it professional is my two cents!