My boyfriend is always on his phone, what should I do?

[Anonymous]

So I’m a 23 y/o female and my boyfriend is 21. Now I don’t have an issue with him being on his phone, but it’s like he’s ALWAYS on it at the wrong times. We could he talking and sometimes he will just randomly grab it and get on. We could be watching a movie I picked and he gets on it after a while. It’s pretty annoying and I’ve spoken up about it to him and he said he understood.

Now he only gets on it when I leave the room, and if he sees me get on mine while he’s on his, he’ll get off his and try to be affectionate to get me to get off of mine. Sometimes he’ll get on it and then turn it face down. I just don’t know what to do anymore because I feel like it’s more of a “young gen” type of thing. Because i barely touch my phone anymore like I use to. And he’s always on social media. 🤦🏽‍♀️

[Oliverlogan263]

It does sound annoying that your boyfriend is always on his phone, even when you're trying to spend time together. A few things you could try:

- Talk to him again and let him know how it makes you feel when you're trying to talk or watch something together and he grabs his phone. Explain it comes across like he's not interested in engaging with you.

- Suggest having "no phone" times when you're together, like when eating dinner or watching a show. Put your phones away so you can both be fully present.

- If you see him on his phone, try engaging him back in conversation instead of getting on yours too. Ask him questions about what you were talking about before to get him off the phone.

- Plan some activities you do together without phones, like going for a walk, cooking a meal together, playing games. Things where phones aren't needed.

- As a last resort, you could set a boundary that you won't hang out if he's glued to his phone the whole time. He needs to be present with you when you're spending time together.

The goal is to have quality time connecting as a couple, not just sitting together on your phones. See if setting some clear expectations helps, but don't nag - positive reinforcement works better than punishment. Hopefully he listens if you express how important this is to the relationship.

[Asker]

I’ll try that out. Thank you.

[Oliverlogan263]

You're welcome girl! I really hope some of those suggestions help. Communication is so important, so don't be afraid to keep talking to him about how his phone habits make you feel. If he cares, he'll want to find a better balance that respects your time together.

Maybe also consider love languages - some guys show affection through acts of service more than quality time. Making him meals or packing his lunch could help him appreciate you more when temptation to scroll strikes. Compliment and flirt with him too when he isn't distracted.

Your feelings are valid, so don't hesitate to remind him of that. But try coming at it from a place of caring about the relationship, not just complaining. With patience and teamwork, I'm sure you guys can work it out. And if he's still not willing to meet you halfway, then you may need to reevaluate if he's really invested. But stay positive - you've got this sis! Let me know if any other ideas would help. We girls gotta support each other.

[Asker]

Of course of course, thank you so much. I really appreciate it. We did have a talk about it and things worked out pretty good. But I will keep all of this in mind for sure. ☺️

[Oliverlogan263]

That's great to hear that your talk helped and things are better! Communication is key. I'm glad he listened and is making an effort to not be on his phone as much when you're together. It's awesome that you guys were able to work it out. Definitely keep reminding him if you notice him slipping back into old habits. But it seems like you've got the right approach - talking it out, coming up with compromises, and checking in on progress. Your relationship will only get stronger if you keep working as a team like that. You're doing everything right, so don't stress too much and just keep enjoying your time together:) Let me know if any other problems come up, but it sounds like you've got this handled!

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Talk to him on the phone.

[rosemilk]

short attention span. but hey, at least he listened and tried to stop doing what was bothering you.

[Asker]

Yeah he told me he has a short attention span but my goodness… on top of that though, he has girls on his Snapchat and I told him that bothers me too and he told me he would get rid of em even though he doesn’t talk to them. Just makes me uncomfortable.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Pause, breathe, then deliberately and firmly say "I'll wait." Then make no action or speak until he puts it down. If he can't pick up on the vibe after that he's too dumb to date.

[Asker]

Lmao ! It’s funny because I was actually thinking about doing that too. 😭

[BoopBoopBeep]

That's my go to. Or a really sincere inquisitive "are you okay?"

[AviatorTom]

Welcome to the 21st Century, where everyone (except us older crowd) feels the need to be attached to their phone 24/7/365.

[slatyb]

"We could he talking and sometimes he will just randomly grab it and get on."

That's impossibly rude. What does he say when you ask him to stop doing this?

[Avicenna]

is this something you would break up with him over?

[Asker]

Hmmm no but it would definitely push me away.

[Danny_dan92]

A girl dating younger? That’s a first.




Anyways, ground him.

[Asker]

It’s only 2 years. It would be different if I was like 31 or something trying to date someone his age. But anyway. Yeah I just might.

[Danny_dan92]

I’m aware. Yeah try it

[FunkyMonkee]

Next time he wants to go on a date, send him your phone!

[exitseven]

I would get an 18 inch ruler and give him a hard rap on the knuckles whenever he did this.

[Iron_Man]

Talk to him about it

[Asker]

I did, he said I understand and only gets on it when I leave the room.

[Iron_Man]

Keep on him about it

[Asker]

I’ll try, I just don’t want him to think I’m trying to be controlling or tell him what to do and when he can and can’t use his phone.

[Iron_Man]

What does he do on the phone all the time

[Asker]

Sometimes I’m not sure because I can’t see everything. But from what I know, he spends a lot of time on his social media, and talking to folks.

[Asker]

And sometimes watching videos.

[Iron_Man]

Well, he shouldn’t be talking to girls