When a guy says he’s not looking for anything at the moment, what does it mean?

[Anonymous]

I hooked up with a guy and caught feelings. I decided to be the one to talk about it and asked him what’s been going on in his mind. He said he’s not looking for anything at the moment and we shouldn’t hook up again because we are in the same friends group.

This has horribly affected my self esteem and has been making me very very upset. Does this mean he’s just not into me and is trying to be polite? Does this mean he really isn’t looking for anything but might change his mind later? Does this mean he isn’t attracted to me or regrets the hookup? I’m just very sad and depressed thinking about why I am not good enough for him.

[OlderAndWiser]

1. "I hooked up with a guy and caught feelings." So you shouldn't "hook up" because many people - you, me, and others - start getting feelings as soon as we have sex with a partner. You should be more careful to protect your heart.

2. "I decided to be the one to talk about it and asked him what’s been going on in his mind." I applaud you for that.

3. "He said he’s not looking for anything at the moment and we shouldn’t hook up again because we are in the same friends group." Maybe he was horny and just wanted to get laid (meaning that he was at least physically attracted to you.) Maybe he really doesn't want a girlfriend now (and that is not likely to be related to anything about you.)

4. "This has horribly affected my self esteem and has been making me very very upset. Does this mean he’s just not into me and is trying to be polite?" Perhaps, but you aren't likely to ever get that question answered.

5. "Does this mean he really isn’t looking for anything but might change his mind later?" Possibly, but it's a huge mistake to wait around hoping that a guy will change. HUGE mistake!

6. "Does this mean he isn’t attracted to me" Unlikely that he would hook up even once if he wasn't attracted.

7. "or regrets the hookup?" Maybe, but probably not because of anything bad about you. Maybe he realizes that you have developed feelings, he has hurt you, he feels guilty, and he doesn't want to hurt you any more.

8. "I’m just very sad and depressed thinking about why I am not good enough for him." The fact that you and he aren't meant for each other now doesn't mean that you aren't good enough. Guys actions aren't always based on their evaluation of their potential partner. After all, this guy

Hugh Grant

cheated on his girlfriend

Elizabeth Hurley

with this hooker

Estella Marie Thompson, aka "Divine Brown"

Does that mean that Elizaebeth Hurley isn't a hot woman?

[Anonymous]

It could mean a number of things. But first of all I’d like to point out that this is one of the reasons why women should not engage in this whole hookup culture. This isn’t empowerment, you’re not owning your sexuality. You’re just giving a lot of men what we want w no commitment. As for what it meant. It could be just that. He was just looking for a good time, nothing serious. You may have scared him off by brining up something more than hooking up. He may be embarrassed to have you as a girlfriend especially if you’re in the same friends group. A part of him may have regretted it because he may be thinking I shouldn’t have nailed her because now she’s going to be stalking me, trying to get me to talk to her, she caught feelings for me. It’s possible that he may change his mind later on down the road, that again all he was looking for was sex. But a lot of times men don’t take women serious who they hookup w. If he was really into her he’d show it more, talk to her more, respect her more. Of all the women I’ve ever hooked up w, I never ended up w one of them. Yes sad that I say this but they were just good to score w not to be w. In my mind I think damn how many other dudes has she done this w?

[Asker]

The sex part was less than 3 seconds, neither of us got off, we were plastered, it wasn’t planned and I know he 100% didn’t think it was gonna happen. He was kind and gentle, cuddled me all night long and spent hours with me in the morning talking, no sexual contact. That’s why I’m surprised.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah doesn’t sound like he was really into you.

[laly520]

it means he isn't fully ready to commit or not serious enough about u

[Still-alive]

He probably just isn’t that into you. I get it, it sucks but thats life. We all get rejected at some point.

[Anonymous]

It means he's not into relationships ATM

[Asker]

Does it not mean that he just isn’t into me specifically? I didn’t ask for a relationship. When I asked him what he’s been thinking, he just said I’m not looking for anything

[Opinion Owner]

He doesn't want anyone more than just sex

[Asker]

He doesn’t even want sex.