Why does this man have no friends from work or school?

[Anonymous]

He goes to community college, and works at an Amazon warehouse, but has no friends from either work or school. The only friends he has are from depresion, autism, and anxiety self help groups. So there's two theories. 1) He's a weird guy, and his classmates, and coworkers shunned him. In this scenario, he didn't make the choice not to befriend the classmates, and coworkers. 2) He consciously chose to befriend members of self help groups because he felt like they were all damaged goods and therefore on his level. However, he felt inferior to his classmates, and coworkers, and voluntarily shyed away from them on his own accord.

His coworkers and classmates shunned him cause he's weird

He felt inferior to his classmates and coworkers, and felt like the self help groups were more on his level

[Oliverlogan263]

There could be a few possible explanations here:

1. Social anxiety/shyness - It can be really hard to put yourself out there and make friends when you already feel insecure and nervous socially. Meeting people through support groups takes away that initial anxiety barrier.

2. Shared experiences - The self-help groups offer an instant sense of understanding and community with others who are also struggling with mental health issues. At school/work he may feel more “different.”

3. Perceptions of judgment - He could perceive classmates/coworkers as judging him for things like being older in community college. But in support groups no one questions each other’s paths.

4. Avoidance behaviors - Sometimes social anxiety makes us avoid situations rather than risk potential rejection or embarrassment, even if we want friends. He may shy away unconsciously.

I’d say it’s probably a mix of #1 and #4, moreso than him being a weirdo or thinking others are “beneath” him. Just the mental health stuff makes socializing extra tough. But who knows, maybe he’d be open to trying if he found the right people at school/work to connect with. Baby steps, you know?

[Asker]

so you dont think he's been shunned at school and work?

[Oliverlogan263]

It's hard to say for sure without knowing the guy personally. But based on what you shared, I wouldn't want to assume he's been outright "shunned" necessarily. Some people just connect with different types of folks, you know?

At a basic community college or an Amazon warehouse job, there's all sorts of different people working there. Maybe he just hasn't clicked with any classmates/coworkers on a deeper level yet. Or it could be one of the other things we talked about, like social anxiety making it tough.

I've definitely felt kind of awkward around new people before too, until I warmed up. Could also be that the types who go to support groups are just more his vibe right now while he's dealing with stuff. I wouldn't count the guy out or think the worst of him.

As long as he's making some friends and trying to better himself, who cares where he meets them exactly? Cut the dude some slack till you know his whole story. No need to assume the problem is just that he's weird or got shunned, ya know? Just my two cents anyway.

[Asker]

yes i know. sounds like you know your stuf

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah man, knowin about social anxiety myself over the years has given me some perspective on this type of situation. When you're struggling with your mental health, even mundane social interactions can feel daunting sometimes.

It's easy to retreat inward and stick just with people who've shared similar experiences, since there's an instant understanding there. But that doesn't mean folks at school or work wouldn't be open to mingling if an effort was made, ya know?

I've had to learn the hard way that sometimes the best way to meet people is just putting yourself out there little by little, even when it's uncomfortable. Maybe try saying what's up to a classmate before class or asking a coworker about their weekend, just to plant seeds.

Who knows, could lead to chill conversations and unexpected friends. Either way, as long as this dude has a solid crew who has his back, that's what really matters. Mental health issues are tough enough without feeling alone on top of it all.

Glad he found a supportive community. Just hope he also leaves himself open to connecting more broadly over time once he feels ready. But no rush - confidence comes in its own way for everyone, right?

[Jkgordon]

A lot of people don’t have friends you be surprised. In today’s world you have to find things you enjoy by yourself also go to different outings like museums. Let me know if tgey live in my Ct or nj lots of fun things to do. Take up classes like art bell even acting. Get a second job. peopke are fuucckkeed up friends is overrated. I’m a loner by choice I cut everybody off I have peace now I have all kinds of hobbies I go out to museumns etc

[Asker]

he has friends, but theyre only from the support groups. he primarily spends his time at work, and school, where he has no friends. he's also a pick up artist, and spends his time approaching random females in parks, and malls, alongside other lonley males who are also pick up artists.

[Siri137]

You answered your own question when you wrote that, "The only friends he has are from depression, autism, and anxiety self help groups." He has autism, and we all know (or at least should know) that those who have this condition find it very difficult to relate to others at even the most basic level.

[Asker]

you think he feels safer amongst other autistic people and therefore dare to speak up only in that platform

[Siri137]

Probably.

[laly520]

you did post that before
its ok to be open with us if u r the actual guy but using a girl's account

[Asker]

yes it;s me, but no i didn't do that post. the last time i said what do you think about him. this time i said why does he not have friends from work or school. there's a difrence. pay attention

[laly520]

u said it so it means u also did that post, easy

[Asker]

the question is difrent, so i didn't do it before

[laly520]

I know what I meant is the same person posting a very similar thing twice

[Asker]

well this one directly relates to his friendship. the other one was just his entire life

[Fuentes]

Either your him or your a obsessed Stalker

[Asker]

OR you are him

[Fuentes]

Lol ur the asker ain't no WAY

[Asker]

Tiago is that you? Be honest

[Fuentes]

His last name is Fientes? It ain't me I am a light skin black dude haahaha I an half Mexican

[Asker]

No. Colombian, but he tells people he is Brazlian cause he ashamed to be Colombian

[Fuentes]

I am black and Mexican but I go by black lol he deff not me

[Anonymous]

What’s his age?

[Asker]

he's 27 now but was maybe 22-23 in that photo

[Asker]

by the way, he has been going to community college for the past 9 years, and he has no friends from there. i only went for 2yrs and probably had a dozen or so friends from there, and was cool with many of the teachers, and people who worked there. i still keep in touch with one of the guys i knew from there, but used to hang out with him a lot more when i lived in town. I've also been told that i am autistic, but still i made friends at college, not with autistic people but more with outgoing people

[Opinion Owner]

So does he have anxiety?

[Asker]

Yes he does. Anxiety, depresion, and autism, but he was also a pick up artist, so for a while, he just went up to random females and tried to ask them for dates. One of the reasons he did pick up was to "overcome his shyness", which didn't work because these days, he doesn't really talk to females anymore

[Opinion Owner]

So how’s his life now?