Should I report a classmate who raped me?

[Anonymous]

Hi, I'm looking for advice..
It has happened about three months ago. I have been working on my mental health since and think that I would handle emotionally talking about what happened with strangers.
At first I have been suppressing the memories and was in denial, so he thought he got away with it. But realising what happened I got so angry. I texted him, he was apologetic and basically admitted it. He then deleted his side of the conversation and denied everything but luckily i have screenshots.
I would like to forget about it and I know a legal process would take a lot of time and energy. But I can't stop thinking about it anyways. I don't think it was first time for him and am afraid he will do that to other girls.
Of course I would be risking an embarrasment, if the police wouldn't believe me or would say that I don't have enough evidence but what do I have to lose?
I know reporting won't erase what happened, but I think at least it might be a good revenge, cause there is not much more I can do. I also thought of telling our classmates, which is about sixty people, that he is a rapist. He cares a lot about his reputation and being popular. But I would feel stupid and judged, even if they'd believe me, I don't want my classmates to think of me as of a victim and I also don't want to show everyone the messages cause I was very angry and emotional.

What would you do?

Updates

3 mo

thank you everyone <3

[Mr_twoface]

First of all, very sorry to hear about your trauma and I sincerely hope and wish you get all the support, love and help to overcome this painful crime.

As for your question, it is very easy for users behind a screen and without being faced with the dilemma themselves to have an opinion. Just imagining if anyone close to me was raped or sexually assaulted, I would probably have taken action on my own, and deal with the consequence later. However, my wife/family might hold me back to take a more rational apporach. Hopefully, I will never have to deal with it. In an ideal world, any rape or sexual assult should be reported and the pepetrator should be brought to justice and the victim should receive all the help they can get. However, we have all seen reports and watched tons of movies/documentaries about rape victims and how bureaucratic procedures can be. Reporting a classmate for rape is a serious and complex decision with both potential positive and negative consequences.

Here are some of the potential advantages and disadvantages to consider:

Pros of Reporting:

- Reporting the crime can lead to the perpetrator being held accountable for their actions, potentially preventing further harm to others.
- Reporting can connect survivors to support services, counseling, and resources to help them cope with the trauma and begin the healing process. It can also help raise awareness about sexual assault and contribute to the prevention of future incidents.
- In some cases, reporting can lead to legal protection measures, such as restraining orders, to keep the survivor safe from the perpetrator.
- Also for some survivors, reporting can provide a sense of closure and empowerment.

Cons of Reporting:

- Reporting can sometimes lead to retaliation or harassment from the perpetrator or their supporters, which can further traumatize the survivor.
- Survivors may face social stigma, victim-blaming, or feelings of shame, which can be exacerbated by the reporting process.
- Legal proceedings can be lengthy, stressful, and emotionally taxing, and the survivor may not receive the desired outcome especially if the law is complex and their is no legal proof.
- The survivor's privacy may be compromised during the investigation and legal process, which can be distressing and cause a lot of anxiety.
- Some survivors may not be believed or supported by friends, family, or authorities, which can be emotionally devastating.
- The reporting process can be retraumatizing for some survivors, as it involves recounting the traumatic event in detail.

Ultimately, the decision to report a classmate for rape is deeply personal and should be made by you with careful consideration of your individual circumstances, needs, and goals. It's important for you to have access to support especially friends/family, counseling, and legal guidance to make an informed decision about reporting and to navigate the process if you choose to do so. Additionally, laws and resources for reporting sexual assault can vary by jurisdiction, so it's essential to seek advice from professionals who are knowledgeable about the local legal and support systems.

Best wishes to you and will keep you in my prayers.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for the advice and for taking time to write it down, as it was really helpful.
I'm planning to discuss with a lawyer tomorrow wether I would even stand a chance with the evidence I have and what would the legal process be like for both sides.
Take care, best wishes to you also.

[FunkyMonkee]

Report his skanky ass. That is, IF he actually raped you! I'm not saying that to mean I don't believe you, I'm saying that because, from, what I've been seeing, reading and hearing about the past decade or so, "kids" these days don't seem to have a clue what "rape" means! "He touched my arm, is that rape?", etc.. So, if he actually forcibly had complete sex with you, or at least if he got as far as putting his knob inside of you, report his skanky ass!! Your proof is the screen shots! Assuming he went all the way, had you reported him as soon as it happened, you'd have his sperm in you as all the proof needed to put him away! If you can't bring yourself to do it for whatever reasons, see if you can get an adult to go with you, a parent, aunt, uncle, grandparent, preacher, etc..
You think he's done it to other girls and will do it again to others. Think of it this way, had any of the previous girls reported him doing it to them, he wouldn't have been able to do it to you! Do you want him to be free to do it to the next girl? Would it be a different story if his next victim was one of your good friends? How would it make you feel to know that you could've prevented HER rape?

[Screenwriter]

I hope you have a rape kit from going to a hospital. If you don't and you have those screen shots, then they're good enough evidence. Get a lawyer and press charges against him immediately. DO NOT LET A RAPIST get away with it.

The point is you are probably NOT THE ONLY ONE this guy has assaulted. He needs to go to prison for violating you. It will take a long time to get over this. No apology is enough.

Write down the time and place and any physical evidence you might have: a sheet, your panties, what clothes you were wearing, what time it was, day. WRITE DOWN EVERYTHING FROM THAT DAY.

It doesn't matter if he was your boyfriend at the time. No one has the right to take away your body autonomy. Get a lawyer and get on with it so you can dispense with this. Don't wait 20 years and let the statutes of limitation expire so you can't charge him. I know someone else who let a man get away with this because he was a colleague.

Men who do this attack the most vulnerable women who they KNOW won't press charges or who they know are too frightened to stop them. So they are emboldened and if they get away with it once, are more likely to do it again using the same precepts.

Stop this rapist, because that IS what he is. And men who've done this once are likely to do it again because it turns them on to overpower a woman and humiliate her at the same time. It's a mental illness with the double edge of encompassing physical violence. Get a GOOD lawyer.

[_Maya_]

I am not doubting you but you leave no details as to what actually happened. I don't expect you to because obviously that is a hugely traumatic experience. Absolutely you should report rape if it happened. I would not have hesitated for a second let alone months. You need to do it immediately because waiting is not going to help a thing for you. I understand that the mental anguish is probably overbearing and so difficult to deal with. Just remember this is not about revenge but about justice for what he did. When you make it about revenge or make it out to sound like it is revenge then you can lose credibility. You need to make this about what happened.

[Asker]

Thank you, that is a good advice. You're right, talking about revenge makes it sound like an interpersonal problem.

[_Maya_]

You're welcome and so very sorry to hear that this even happened. I can't imagine the emotional stress you must have. You need to take care of yourself and lean on people close to you for support. Best wishes hun.

[Asker]

Thanks again. I see it is a thing I will need to work on, as I am still confused about how I feel about it.
I know that he did that to me because he thought i was an easy victim and wouldn't report him. He wanted to make me feel like noone would believe me. He saw an oportunity and did what rapists do.
It is hard not to take it personally because me being weak and easy to manipulate plays a part in why that happened. It is also why I blamed myself at first.
I had to tell myself that there will be other girls who are more vulnerable and still don't deserve this happening to them.
It was deffinitely a lesson and I will be more careful now even with people I know but he had no right to do it.

[_Maya_]

Don't ever say it is hard to not take it personal. That is very personal. He violated your body. If there was no consent given then it is indeed a very personal thing. I just hope that you are okay and can mentally get through this. I am happy to listen should you need to vent.

[_Maya_]

Regarding update... you're welcome and hope you are doing well sweetie.

[boggboss]

Here is the thing with how this type of stuff is voewd if u start spreading it to classmates without reporting it he will be able to reflect it say u are lying if u was telling the truth u could have gone to the police to which they won't take it as serious because it will look like your goal was to punish him not get justice

[Asker]

Oh you are right.. I have already told a few close people and they have supported me, which I am really greatful for because some of them were friends with him too. But it is true that telling other people just to get revenge would be a really stupid thing to do, especially if I don't have or show evidence.

[ienjoylookingatgreen]

First of all I'm sorry for what happened to you. Secondly, truly believe in my whole heart revenge is not the way. You should take legal action yes but why? Well you should take rgal action because 1. Doing something is better than nothing whether it works out or not. And 2. Like you said it will prevent other girls from experiencing the same horrors. And it may potentially give you piece of mind that you were able to do something. Finally, you need to tell people you whole heartedly trust. Telling the whole class may not be the best idea, I hope it wouldn't but the chance it does backfire on your end the issues only get worse from there. You can tell people in your class but I would only tell people I trust. Thanks for reading it and I hope you can get the help necessary and get back on your feet. Prioritise yourself first.

[HighValue]

"At first was in denial," tells me all I would need to know as a juror. It wasn't rape until later on when it became regret and then revenge was wanted. If it was rape, it would be obvious from the beginning and you would have told him to stop at the time of the event.

Believe no women without actual evidence is the way I do things because MANY women lie about that stuff. Without actual evidence, I will never vote guilty for any man accused of things like that. So many women that lied have ruined if for actual victims because the majority all believed and supported the liars.

[Anonymous]

I might have believed you until you said you were doing it for revenge. Do it because rape is illegal and rapists need to be punished and for no other reason!

Because if you are seeking to settle a score it's going to be found out. Not only is he going to be found innocent but you going to make it that much harder for the next rapist to get convicted.

You are not a victim! A victim hides it like it never happened. Stand DEFIANTLY for what right no matter the cost. That's how you hold your head high. No one CAN look down on you then they can ONLY try.

[Demonatrix]

Definitely report him. Don't think of it as revenge, think of it as taking your power back. Show the police the messages. It's OK that you were and are angry and emotional they should be understanding. Find a counsellor to talk about what happened they can give you tools to help work through processing what happened and navigate future problems that may arise.

[CallmeTheKnight]

You’re too vague about the details. This is a serious matter and if this happened to you months ago, You may not receive as much help as you should when it first happened. I’m not sure you’re saying this because you regret it or it was actually rape.
I’m not saying you weren’t rape at all, But you giving too much doubt. I’ve heard plenty of similar stories to yours and I’m not to believe you or help you due to the doubt. Social media is definitely not the place for you to discuss this. We honestly can’t help you besides tell you to go to the authorities or seek legal counsel.

[Squatting_Slav]

Sorry this happened to you, awful. I would suggest act immediately. He's most likely doing this to other girls too. I would keep everything under the radar, head straight to the police with those screenshots and give them every single bit of detail of what happened, write it all on paper first, get someone you trust and who loves you go through it with you. He will not expect this coming. Well done on screenshottting those cnversation, and getting help from here, there are people on this site who genuinely really care.

[Somoneelse]

To the title: yes report it immedially! The sooner the better. include the screenshots as well.

You shouldn't tell your classmates about it. That will most likely put you into a victim-blaming situation, especially if that boy tried to be a popular guy he will most likely do anything to save his reputation.

[Anonymous]

You could but it wouldn't do much

It's happened to a friend of mine, her rapist was the son of a judge so he thought he was like Teflon turns out just the threat of a little jumpstart made him piss and I wasn't touching that
He's never done it again but then I did say I'd put his balls under the heel of my boot and grind them like a cigarette butt
Pretty tame given an associate kidnapped is sisters rapist, blindfolded & tied him to a chair and pulled his teeth with a set of pliers then dumped him right where he was lifted

I'd recommend something similar like maybe a prince Albert with a stapler

[AviatorTom]

I'm sorry you were raped. Had you asked this question 3 months ago, I would say yes, report him to the police. Now though, if you do that, it will expose you to ridicule, since it looks like you're just trying to get even. Many will doubt you were even raped.

For your own safety and sanity, I suggest you just leave this behind you now, learning that should something bad like this ever happen to you again, report it immediately.

[Asker]

Thanks for your reply. I get that point of view but as I have said, immediately afterwards I didn't remember what happened. I was even myself doubting it was a rape because I thought a person I know wouldn't do that. There was also a lot of manipulation involved afterwards, which makes it complicated. I don't really think he'd get punished, but i think if he gets away with it this easily, he will do it again.

[Pohjolan]

You should already just for the sake of getting closure and you will regret not reporting him in the future even more than not reporting him on the same day while you had physical evidence.

However him being ruled guilty is not very likely unless if he cracks under interrogation.

[DeeDeeDeVour]

Rape is a "strong" word and, therefore, a serious accusation.

I you chose to use that word to apply to yourself, then you are clearly not kidding around.

Definitely report, assuming that you are truly telling the truth.

[Hulk_kitty]

I would go speak to someone at school, like a teacher, or a councillor. I would definitely go and seek a professional opinion on this matter, and see if he has committed a crime against you.

Seeking advice on this site is not the best case in this situation. I would go and seek professional help for what happened against you.

[Hulk_kitty]

I also would keep what he said as evidence, and go to the police and speak to them about it. He might not of raped you, but could sexually assaulted you. Definitely don't let this matter go, if he did something to you sexually, without your consent.

[patrick994]

I am very sorry for what you have been through, do not be afraid to denounce, it is your right to accuse and convict this criminal in the maximum sentence, this horrible person must pay for his actions and you must get justice, not revenge;

No matter how popular he is, everyone has to pay for crimes, don't let him go unpunished, if you don't denounce him he might do it with other girls and get away with it.

I send you a big hug and wish you all the best.

[sheikalana]

If you have the screenshots of him admitting what he did you should report him to the police immediately. Don't mention anything to him just go ahead and report him. Don't wait much longer.

[RavenDarkheart]

Yes, if he’d do that to you he’ll do it to another girl. You can’t change the past but you can protect someone else from him in the future.

[TallAnon]

Yes. Not just for you but any other potential victims. Having proof makes this a 100% for me and you sound like you have the strength, so you really should. I would get legal council before you start talking about it publicly just in case it could damage your odds, but going to the police is a good start.

[SweetDripp]

If you were raped, you should report it, but revenge is not a good reason.

[aceleon]

no, let him rape you as much as he likes and start to scumb to the pleasure slowly, of course go report him duh, is this some kind of hentai or something to you?

[tfan1]

Of course report him! Take all evidence you have to the police! Don’t leave anything out! 👍🙂. Good luck to you.