Men, when irritable is it best to leave you alone?

[mssexy]

My boyfriend tends to withdrawl from me when he's irritable or in a bad mood. but this makes me feel like I did something wrong. For example: he has been dealing with several car troubles which he paid and thought it was fixed. Turns out the problem returned. When I arrived at his home he didn't talk to me or pretty much acknowledged I was there. So I tried talking and he was short with yes no responses. What is the best thing to do in this situation so I can avoid feeling like I'm at fault fro his mood swings but also letting him he can count on me for support or whatever he needs? I don't want to me nagging or desperate either. Help...his moods swings are driving me nuts especially because I don't know what's wrong,

[toulouse]

IF the caee that he wishes to be left alone, when upset. he should tell you that. OBVIOUSLY this is retarded that you have to ask us.

As a mater of respect he should simply tell you he wants to be alone-its not you. So that you are not confused as to what he wants, when what he wants is to be left alone.

As a point in logic he should simply tell you, he wants to be alone-its not you. So you do not bother him when what he wants is to be left alone.

As you guys are in a relationship, him giving you random silent treatments is more like a silent tantrum, rather than, a rational adult calmly re,moving himself from becoming irritable around others.

hes be ing passive aggressive& very immature.

you should be able to ask him this Q yourself. the fact you do not feel comfortable doing s, suggests there is not good communication or mutual respect going on.

You should talk to him tho. just ask him what you asked us. he is your boyfriend, we are not. he owed you an explanation of what he wants.

ask him when you guys are talking on good terms so he does not feel attacked & use that against you.

asking calmly is not nagging. but if he is pissed hell say you r. because he is immature.

men do not do not except you to walk on egg shells in anticipation of their every him. boys do.

id think if a person required something within a relationship they would be happy to explain. well, an adult would be.. children might complain.

[mssexy]

I have asked him to let me know. I have asked when we are in good moods. I said " babe you know when we get in some funky moods...can we agree to just have alone time and then meet up after. Sometimes when you become irritable I feel like you don't want me around even though you ask me to come over and its causes problems." He just ignored the comment. I try and communicate but I think a wall will make a better effort to respnd,

[toulouse]

walk/ run/ swim/ hike/ & think- by myself, when I am angry. I do not 'talk', until I have had time to think about things and resolve them, somewhat in my own mind.

I would have the common decency to say I am going off by myself for a while, its not u, I just want to be alone. instead of just pouting ir sulking & getting pissed at people when they don't know what's going on. not doing anything at all to let you know , what's up, is disrespectful-not a guy thing. no entitlement to be a d***.

[MWalsh89]

I'd imagine if he asked you over, despite being in a sour mood is he wants you there, but he doesn't want to talk. If this is the case, I'd say(and this is if you feel comfortable enough around his house) do stuff. Maybe cook something(always a good way to a man's heart), or give him something else(should help him out of his funk. ;) ). Pop in a favorite movie of his or don't bother him if he's listening to music. It's natural to not want to talk to anyone if you're really pissed off, I know I don't want to, but(much to the confusion of my bf), I don't him to leave either. There's a need to have a source of comfort, even if you don't act like you want it.

[mssexy]

Thank goodness you get what I mean! I know he wants me around...just as a comfort thing. even though he doesn't want to talk. I will be taking my sketch pad just incase he decides to act funky again.

[DebiPie]

When a guy's in a bad mood, I leave him alone. I just says call me if you want to talk or need something. I'm the same way, usually. Only I say, I don't want to talk now, I'll call you.

[mssexy]

You see I'm the same way. I let him know, "Honey I need alone time right now. I'm having a bad day and I just need to be alone and figure it out. I love you and ill talk to you later on tonight" But he won't do the same.

[Phoenix52]

"Hey, feel better baby. I'm open to talk when you want to"

For real, when guys have really pain-in-the-@ss problems, the best bet is to let them handle it by giving them space. Otherwise, the problem will resurface if left unchecked. It's happened to me before, many times. To which I didn't care enough to handle it, which only ended up biting me in the butt later.

Plenty of guys don't discuss their problems. But honestly, some of us feel better when we vent it out. If he feels like it, just keep the line open.

[mssexy]

Will drop this line today. Hopefully it will help. I think I need a guy mentality for this

[KERMlT]

Does one continue to poke an angry bear? Keep throwing rocks at the Hornet's nest? These are signs in which one should walk away slowly. Call them survival skills. I just hope we haven't put that gene sequence into remission.

[mssexy]

hahaha this is funny. your right. but when do we begin to handle issues as adults and not like 3 year old children?

[KERMlT]

When cooler heads prevail. Being irritated is just an indication of an extreme emotion. One throws logic and reason out the window typically when under duress. The best thing to do is to understand them. What triggers these fits, how does that person calm down, how long will it last, etc.

If you can't get the answers by observation/trial-and-error then ask them. Maybe bringing them something that calms them down will help. Kisses from my S.O. will surely defuse any non-sexual frustrations

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he's just pissed/stressed from dealing with this ongoing car situation. It's not your fault, he knows that and so should you. Just because he's in a bad mood doesn't mean you need to take it personally. Simply ask him if there's anything you can do to help and/or tell him you're there if he needs a ride or anything. After that, don't keep prying or nagging on the issue. If you do that then he will be annoyed with you.

[mssexy]

I drove him around for about 1 week. Running errands, to and from work, until he finally bought this car. Its giving him trouble. I have offered my vehicle but that seems to irritate him more so I stopped. I do leave him alone but the cold shoulder hurts especially when he's the one that asks to see me and then behaves this way when I'm around. I don't get it lol

[Anonymous]

With your guy it sounds like it's best to leave him alone because he doesn't sound like the type that wants to talk or spill his guts when he's in a bad mood. He likes to keep things inside it seems. so it's best to give him space until he's ready.

[toulouse]

hes no really keeping it inside he's taking it out on her. him saying I want t be alone. is one thing.

by not explaining anything he's being very antagonistic. they are in a relationship. she deserves a simple. id like to be alone-its not you.

hes actually being a drama queen.

[Opinion Owner]

I don't think he is because he's not lashing out or throwing hissy fits all over the place. he's just keeping quiet and to himself. He only time he replies to the QA is when she questions him. I believe that's he's being rude, but I wouldn't say he's taking it out on her.

[mssexy]

tOUOUSE: Sometimes I do feel like he is taking it out on me. I think you are both right! I just don't think that being in a relationship I should feel like I'm walking on eggshells afraid to say something wrong to set him off, I don't like being pushe away for no reason or him making me feel like I'm the most annoying thing ever by avoiding me when he gets in a mood like that.

[amatuer_zombie]

yea...anyone when irritated...its best to leave that person alone

& I guess your boyfriend is doing the right thing because there's no point to argue about it...

i mean NEVER GET ARGUMENTATIVE WITH WOMEN

[mssexy]

Im actually not one to argue I always "talk" about the issue when it arises. To avoid bottleing in up and expoloding later. experience shows that doesn't work for me so I learned to communicate. I say its a more adult approach since we are both 28. haha

[Anonymous]

Guys don't want to be talked to when they are pissed. If you want to help, ask him to go for a jogging with you, or offer him something to break with a smile. Guys need something physical, words are for women not men.

[toulouse]

i walk/ run/ swim/ hike/ & think- by myself, when I am angry. I do not 'talk', until I have had time to think about things and resolve them, somewhat in my own mind.

(but id have the common decency to say I am going off by myself for a while, its not u, I just want to be alone. instead of just pouting ir sulking & getting pissed at people when they don't know what's going on. )

Do you HAVE to talk about people as tho they came out of a cereal box. can't you just speak for yourself ?

[mssexy]

You know I did that on Sunday and he was laughin at the end of the run! I think this is what helps hm out.

[Opinion Owner]

I offered her a way to help him. That's what she asked for. I'm answering a question, you aren't. Go play by yourself I don't care what you do or what's the perfect way of acting when I'm pissed. I told her something to help him and her. Once a guy knows you do something for him he'll gain a lot of respect and trust and will open up better after that.

[Opinion Owner]

QA, you are a great girlfriend and was very helpful to him. If he's a good guy he'll realize little by little he's a lucky sob to have someone like you. You are awesome.

[mssexy]

Anonymous: Thanks for the tip.

Toulouse: You are right. He has walked off on me without saying a work and the mature thing would be to say he girl you know I need alone time. I think when we are in a good mood I will bring this up. But I actually don't think he likes to be alone when he has troubles. Even if he's not talking I thimk he finds it comforting to have me around even if he's an a**hole

[Anonymous]

Yep. When men withdraw we want to be left alone. when women withdraw you want to be chased and comforted.

[toulouse]

when women withdraw you want to be chased and comforted.

when I go away it is because I absolutely want to be alone to think & sort things out.

if I talk that means I want to talk. you can't base people off of a magazine.

everyone is different.

lots of guys don't talk because they want you to chase them. its called being passive aggressive& guys do it alot. so do women. but not all women. just like not all guys.

[Opinion Owner]

Fine, you're different. I've been in several long term relationships lasting years and this generality has held consistently true.

The point of mentioning it, toulouse, was not to say that YOU want to be chased, it was to tell another woman, who may not understand that she sees things differently that men in general, as EVIDENCED BY THE EXISTENCE OF THIS QUESTION, that men do things differently.

You always do this to me. But I still like you though :)

[Opinion Owner]

Oh, and he's not necessarily being a drama queen. You don't know this woman and you don't know if she's easy to talk to. You're making assumptions.

[mssexy]

Okay guys: lol I'm actually pretty easy to get along with. I hang out with mostly guys and tend to understand their mood swing kinda. The guys I hang out with talk to me about sh*t that goes on in their lifes and are straight to the point. My boyfriend sometimes acts like a pmsing teen. lol its best to leave him alone.

[DebiPie]

Not always, when I'm p*ssed off, get away & leave me alone too. I want to think it thru, and I tell you that. Chase? That's crazy talk.

[Anonymous]

Generally, yes. Most guys don't want to be bothered when they're angry. Let him cool off, he'll be fine.