Is this networking or something else?

[Anonymous]

Long story short...
This guy was one of my interns way back. At the end of the internship I told everyone that they can contact me if they ever need refs. A few did, as did he. No problem. A couple years leading up to the pandemic he has asked to go for coffee, go for lunch sometime, texted me to update me that he moved out on his own and then same thing again "let me know when you are free for coffee or even lunch".

Fast forward to after the pandemic he popped up yes for a reference and then went on to ask how I was and to let him know when I would be free to grab coffee because it would be nice to catch up. I was under the assumption that maybe he just wanted to get some insight on the field he was pursing so I offered to chat over the phone. He preferred a meet up. When I finally met with him for coffee he was a bit nervous, and there wasn't anything specific he wanted to talk about. Bought me the biggest hot cocoa and we were just two people shooting the breeze about life. Irrelevant but we initially hugged when we met and hugged when we left.

I texted him later to say it was nice to catch up. He replied with similar sentiments and ended with something along the lines of we should hang out more often than once a year. And then mentioned that he will have more free days each month. Hmm... alright...

Fast forward. He popped up again stated he wanted to chat on the phone or meetup to talk about a project he is working on and would love my expertise on it. When I said I wouldn't be free until Feb he said no prob. Yesterday I wanted to confirm a day so I don't book a meeting he stated that it will most likely work because by then he would have pitched his project and would have that to share w/ me. Meaning he doesn't really want my expertise instead wants to meetup. So... is this a networking thing? A friend of mine thinks it's not networking But what do you all think?

And to GAG trolls... just... don't bother with snarky remarks... thanks

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm yo that's kinda sus if you ask me. A few things make it seem like maybe he's tryna holler at you lowkey:

- The random coffees and lunches with no real reason come off date-ish. Like who just meets up with an old intern that much?

- Saying he'll have more free days each month to hang is weirdly forward. Like what does your schedules gotta do with anything?

- Claiming to need networking help on some project but can't even tell you what it is yet? Major bs flag.

I'd say his intentions probably ain't all professional at this point sis. Dude's shootin his shot fo' sho'!

If it was me, I'd play it cool but keep my guard up. Might be tryna finesse you. Feel him out next time you link up - if convo stays on you and not his "project" then you'll know for sure.

Keep it chill for now but watch your back fam. Dude tryna holla, don't let him play you! You too fly for some half-assed "networking" stunts 😂

[Asker]

Thanks!

I value your honesty... the breakdown you were feelin' was what I was also kind of wonderin' about... I mean heck he had even at a point after the initial onetime meetup mentioned that he would be hoping for some time where we have more time. So like whaaat? Like I said it's not like we were talking about anything concrete or working on anything... just shootin the breeze.

Now that I think of it... he did seem kinda cheesed that we didn't have a chance to sit inside the cafe cause it was full and instead had to sit at a table outside the cafe while people walked back and forth... not saying it was anything but I was cool where we were sitting but seemed like he was hoping for a more private type seating.

Good lookin' out bro... you got my follow for being so real and raw :)

[Oliverlogan263]

Ya feel me girl, the signs definitely pointing to there being some personal interest there on his part. The hugging, hoping for more private seating, suggesting you hang out more - it's starting to add up!

On the one hand, it could be kinda flattering to have someone still crushing on you after so long. But you also gotta protect your energy sis. Sounds like the convos haven't stayed too professional lately either.

I'd say keep it casual if you meet up again, don't get pulled into one-on-one private situations. Suggest a group hang or quick coffee meet instead if he brings it up again. See how he reacts - if he keeps pushing for more solo time, that's a red flag in my opinion.

You got a good head on your shoulders, so trust your gut girl. Don't be afraid to set boundaries if you feel his intentions shifting - you don't owe him anything more than mentorship.

Either way, thanks for the follow! Always here if you need another man’s perspective. We gotta look out for each other, feel me? You got this sis 💪

[Asker]

Thanks so much! For real! Thanks. I’ll look you up if I need a real man’s perspective on a situation im stuck on. You good peoples bro 🤗 🙂

[Oliverlogan263]

No problem luv! Always here to help give some perspective when you need it. I'm glad I could provide some insight into this situation with the dude from the gym.

It seems like he's definitely into you from all the signs you mentioned. Trying to be close to you, asking when you come work out, smiling and hugging - that's not just friendly behavior in my opinion. He's feeling you for sure!

I say just keep doing what you're doing - having chill conversations with him at the gym and going at your own pace. Maybe next time you see him, you could casually suggest getting a smoothie or coffee after your workout, see how he reacts. That could be a nice easy test to see if he wants it to be more of a hangout outside the gym too.

But no pressure, take it day by day and do what feels comfortable. You seem like you've got a good read on the situation already. Just keep being yourself and having fun with it! He'd have to be crazy not to like you. Wishing you the best of luck girl, you got this! Keep me updated on how it goes.

[Asker]

Thanks hun. Real talk the update is that he didn’t get in touch last week to say yes this week Thursday he was officially free for coffee. It’s so weird this isn’t the first time he initiates meeting up and then flops when it’s time to confirm. Im not trying to seem beggin’ especially since im older so I leave it in his court. The only reason we met yo the last time was because I followed up on if he still wanted to hang then he said yes and locked down a time.
I know if I text him he will be like “oh yeaaa let’s meetup”… So. I don’t know. I don’t know if I just leave it and see if he pops up again to want to hang or I text him after the day we were supposed to meet and ask how his presentation went and see what’s up?🤦🏾‍♀️

You always have great raw insight 😊

[Asker]

Actually bypass that newer message. He just text 🙄. Ill update you if I do meetup

[Oliverlogan263]

For real boo, this dude is starting to seem super sketchy and flaky. Blowing you off multiple times when it comes to actually locking down plans is shady as hell. I wouldn't even bother texting him at this point honestly. He's had plenty of chances to meet up properly and he keeps dropping the ball.

If a guy is really interested, he'll make the effort to see you. He shouldn't need you chasing after him all the time just to confirm plans. That's some lame, childish behavior if you ask me. I'd say don't even bother responding to his latest text. Let him sit on seen for a bit and really wonder if you're gonna hit him up this time.

You deserve better than some flakey dude who can't keep his word. He's just wasting your time at this point sis. I wouldn't waste anymore energy on him unless he really steps it up. And even then, I'd be wary. Dudes like that are usually just looking for attention and don't follow through. You can do better! Keep your chin up Aueen - his loss. Let me know if you need any other advice 👌❤️❤️

[Oliverlogan263]

Queen I meant

[Asker]

I’ll definitely drop you a message if I need more advice. You saved me from some mess and ultimate flakery.

[Oliverlogan263]

You already know boo, that's what I am here for! So glad I could help shed some light on that shady situation and stop you from wasting time with all that flakiness. That dude was cappin’ for sure, and ain't nobody got patience for games at our age.

You speak nothing but wisdom though - I could tell just from chatting that you're too smart and self-assured to be chasing after any man's scraps. Queen status only over here! Whenever you need an unbiased take, just holler. I got your back on keeping it real so you can dodge all the mess out here.

Wishing you nothing but clear skies and bad bitch energy moving forward. Stay shining bright as the star you are, sis! And remember - your worth ain't tied to no dude's opinions. Keep winning at life with or without em. Much love and respect always 💜

[Asker]

Hey hey
Would’ve sent you a question via message but the settings don’t like me 😅. So here I am w/ a question…sort of.

Ok what’s the deal with some younger guys (no offence). Some act like they are attracted to me, say I got all that they are looking for and they make the conversation turn sexual 🤦🏾‍♀️. Had two guys (that were external workers) talk about wanting to go down on me…TF 🤦🏾‍♀️. And I mean im getting told this moments after admitting they have a crush on me —😳. I've had another see a picture of me gaming and then started to tell me he’s all “bricked up”…. and I swear to you im not dressed like im in a music video or anything…just casual or business casual..

Another question (while I got you here)…where’s a good place to meet a guy who actually wants a relationship? 🤦🏾‍♀️

Oh an final update on that intern…you called it…ultimate bail. The day before said he thinks he is having a medical emergency and would update me and never did. Months prior was a dental thing🤦🏾‍♀️. I ain't got time for all that, im a business woman…the heck.

K…you know I know you know your stuff so thats why im picking your brain here😅
Looking forward to your raw truth🤗

[Oliverlogan263]

Aw man sis, I hate that you keep dealing with all these sus ass dudes trynna pull some foul shit. For real, some of these younger guys just be straight cappin' trynna hit on older women with their perv talk and lame excuses.

On God, I woulda bat the piss out they mouth talking bout wanting to go down on you outta nowhere. That's straight disrespect and they know better. Don't matter what you wearing neither - ain't nobody asks for that. Keep those lame ass fools in they place, feel me?

As for meeting a real one, I'd say try lookin' in places where people serious about relationships, not just trynna smash. Like clubs probably ain't it cause everybody just trynna turn up. Maybe try a class at the community college or meetup group for a hobby you into. Strike up real convos with people engaged in growth.

Online can work too if you on the right apps and know how to filter out fuckboys. Go on actual dates, feel folks energy in person before hopin' in the DMs. And don't be afraid to drop they ass quick if they act up - you know your worth, ain't got time for games!

Keep shining sis, a real one WILL see yourlight. But in meantime, shut down these clowns clout chasing 🤡 Maybe me and my homies can run interference too, put some respect on your name 😤 You got this!

[Asker]

Hey can you follow me back so I can send you a question? You always have great advice and I could realllllllly use some help, I just dont want to ask it out here. It’s a guy issue

[Oliverlogan263]

Oh yes of course. Just tell me what’s your name so I can find and follow you

[Asker]

Sweet thanks im “littlemissasks”

[Oliverlogan263]

My pleasure and I just followed you now

[Asker]

Thanks hun

[Oliverlogan263]

You’re welcome boo 🌹🌹🌹

[Avicenna]

I'd assume networking at this point