Guys, Why is it so hard for my male friend to accept my help without feeling guilty that I do too much?

[Anonymous]

He helps me all the time, in fact goes out of his way to help me. So to even things out I try to be helpful myself wherever I can in an attempt to keep things fair. Why should he spend all this time and effort helping me without me doing the same in return. But I don’t want him to feel bad about it.

[JacobJordan]

Think the bigger question is why aren't you with him. Short of that guys generally don't need help and/or we have problems accepting help. If you want to help him in a way that he will accept make him food

[Asker]

I have made him food before, and he did enjoy that.
We are in this weird friendship / not (yet?) relationship phase where everything seems a bit awkward and nobody is brave enough to address the elephant in the room.

[JacobJordan]

So you are making things awkward. Not judging don't get mad. Alright real simple you aren't going to address it you are going to solve. Forget the whole helping him thing. Go to him tell him hey we should go out to dinner. If he responds favorably (he likely will) you tell him to let you know when. That is a date. If the date goes well have him walk you to your door and then kiss the big dope (on the cheek if you aren't comfortable with the lips or even if you are that way he can take the lead and kiss you on the lips and think it was all him) that should solve the confusion. While also letting him be the man. After that it should be a lot easier to get him to accept help

[Asker]

I wish!!
You are probably right.
I would if I knew how he feels about me. I just don’t want to ruin anything in case he just wants to be friends. We hang out nearly every day and I dont want to jeopardise our friendship

[JacobJordan]

You aren't asking him on a date you are suggesting the 2 of you get dinner together. If he is favorable then you let him inform you of when (making it a date) if he is not favorable then it is just 2 friends going out to dinner together. The way he responds to suggestion tells you all you need to know.

[Asker]

Thanks for your replies/advice - I will see if I can muster up the courage for that.

[JacobJordan]

You got this. Channel your inner feminine woman. Remember ladies used to get the guys while letting the guy think it was all him.

[cloud9vortex1234]

Does he need your help? If not, then its not about keeping things fair. He doesn't need your help. Did you really need his help?

[Asker]

I definitely needed his help with building things that I can’t build. He is happy for me to help him usually and some of the things were definitely also needed. The thing is he helps me so much that I want to show appreciation for what he is doing on top of just saying thanks. It’s just sometimes he doesn’t want me to go out of my way to do things for him - even though that’s what he does for me all the time. He have lost count of the hours he spends to do things for me (all much appreciated and welcome)

Not sure I am making much sense, sorry

[grega239]

Because its how men are. Help him if he asks. If he doesn't just be a friend

[Gdude9]

I think you encourage him to express himself

[eds99]

Some guys like helping out and it makes them feel needed and they don't want help in return for the sake of feeling needy if that makes since

[nawtee_me]

Let’s be friends…. I don’t mind the help at all and I am always ready and willing to help too.

[Anonymous]

What.. About what exactly did you offer to help him if I may ask?

[Asker]

We have the same hobby which is gardening so really anything to do with that.

[lildkman1010]

It shouldn’t be hard he’s being stubborn

[RickyRage]

Have you had a conversation with him about this?

[Asker]

I’ll bring it up next time I see him, just thought I’d get some insights first -

[RickyRage]

To me it seems that you both are not on the same page, and that you both have had trouble establishing boundaries. Communication is a surefire way to establish them, and figure out where you both are at.

[JeffGrey]

for me, it is more about her just ask8ng if she can help... I know she wants to be helpful, and keep everything "fair", but I really like doing for her... and it's kind of a pride thing... mYbe he feels that you might be feel8ng that you can do "it" better?

[JeffGrey]

DM me and we can talk more about it, I am definitely just like the guy you are talking about.

[Asker]

@JeffGrey thanks - I think this is more what I am wondering about; he goes out of his way to help. I mean well and truly out of his way, with anything. It amazes me to be honest. And those things I can’t do, and I tell him that too. I am very vocal about how much I appreciate his help and skills. The things I help him with are very useful to him and he appreciates them, he told me that. It’s just every so often it looks like he somehow doesn’t want me to spend extra time doing things for him as it makes him feel … well I don’t know how. I guess that’s the problem

[Asker]

@JeffGrey - not being rude, but I can’t DM - seems I don’t have enough points yet