Is it weird a guy is skeptical of his girlfriend meeting his friends because they're flirty?

[Mia230]

A guy im dating says his friends know he's dating someone but he doesn't want to mention my name or bring me around because he know they are "man whores" but I'm not into guy like that so I wouldn't entertain them at all

[JacobJordan]

guys know the guys they are friends with most guys don't care to introduce the 2. all my guy friends know I am married they were at the wedding. which was the same day they all saw my wife. until then she was firmly an off topic between us. they never asked about her aside from "how's your girlfriend?" or "you propose you?" or the standard guy friend thing making fun of me for it because I was very much in love. was all in good fun so I knew there was nothing to be upset about we have always given each other shit for things part of being friends. I just knew that the things my friends and I have in common are not things that would interest my girlfriend and she knew it as well. she has a couple friends as well where it is the same situation so I have only ever met those friends in passing. they were also at the wedding. point I am making is it really shouldn't matter to you to meet them. and if he is saying it isn't a good idea you should trust him.

[Mia230]

I think he genuinely doesn't want them to mess things up

[JacobJordan]

Possible. Guys friends are typically far different than the way a guy is with a partner. Whole different personality that comes from being friends with someone that you can talk to without worrying about how they feel. My wife was genuinely confused the first she heard me and my buddy on the phone because it was nonstop insults for 15 minutes and we were laughing the whole time. I would never consider insulting my wife the way we do adds a layer to things

[Mia230]

Yeah I know what you mean lol

[KrakenAttackin]

@Mia230. So trust his judgement.

[Summeroflove]

It is weird. Either the guy is freaking out and can’t trust his woman. If you would never do anything like that. Maybe he’s projecting.


But at the same time. I’d a guy has legitimate doubts about a woman. Either he’a rigjt or wrong. It’s probably best for him to move on

[Mia230]

Yeah I don't know I may have to tell him I don't want his friends at all , I don't like men who sleep around

[KrakenAttackin]

@Mia230 How about women who sleep around?

[kylee2437]

I have a hard time buying that excuse and further more if he truly feels that way, you have to wonder why he hangs around people he considers that. It definitely takes one to know one. Step one of him being a hoe is him refusing to introduce you to people that are close to him. He definitely isn’t thinking of long term with you.

[Mia230]

Ughh he says he's nothing like him they even call him gay for not talking to girls when they're out

[kylee2437]

@Mia230 that’s what they all say but there’s a reason he relates to them.

[Mia230]

They are his coworkers maybe that's it

[kylee2437]

@Mia230 even then. There’s a reason why he knows that info about them. I’m just saying, I don’t think I would let that slide as a buyable excuse. Low term relationships, you meet each others friends etc

[Mia230]

He knows because they tell him and he sees it how they basically pounce on every new girl where they work

[Mia230]

But Ig I see what you mean

[kylee2437]

@Mia230 and if they can’t respect his relationship, that says a lot about all of them. Again, I really wouldn’t aspect this excuse honestly

[kylee2437]

Respect*

[Mia230]

Yeah you are right, from the sound of it they are douches

[KrakenAttackin]

@Mia230. Do you see how women like @kylee2437 manage to keep other women single?

[kylee2437]

@KrakenAttackin why would anyone want to be in a relationship with someone that can’t stand to bring you around their friends? Do you really think that’s normal? What happens when they get married? What happens when they need support as a couple? In all honesty how is a quality relationship built when friends can’t be met?

[IslaTheWitch]

It's lack of trust... for me, a relationship doesn't exist without trust

[Mia230]

Yeah I agree

[KrakenAttackin]

Men struggle much more with trust because women have so many more options readily available, at times, forever.

[KrakenAttackin]

**at all times**

[IslaTheWitch]

@KrakenAttackin it's not true. Only people beaten by their own insecurities can think this way.

trust is an unquestionable base. In other case it's a nightmare not a life. A nightmare to both partners... suspecting and suspected...

[KrakenAttackin]

@islathewitch. The reality is different for men. Men don't have unlimited options, women do. Hypergamy is very real. Trust is gained in drops and lost in buckets.

[IslaTheWitch]

@KrakenAttackin fortunately, my reality differs greatly. I couldn't live in a relationship where the foundation was made of suspicions and constant monitoring instead of trust and open communication. That's not life...

[KrakenAttackin]

@islathewitch. Sure, trust but verify. Also, don't put yourself in situations where trust can be breached (or suspected to have been breached), and there should be agreed upon limitations (no 3/4 naked pics on Instagram, no opposite gender friends (I know you disagree), if you are going to see opposite gender friends it should be with your partner present. Any social media should show that you are in a relationship with a pic of your partner.

IMHO, trust is built by DEMONSTRATED COMMITMENT.

[IslaTheWitch]

@KrakenAttackin trust means I don't check, control, or verify what my partner does. I TRUST him. We both are free to do as we please, and we both will bear the consequences of our decisions. There is no way to keep an eye on someone 24/7, so it doesn't make any sense. If your partner wants to cheat on you, they will find a way, even in a controlling relationship.

So, I prefer to get to know the person I feel connected to before making any promises. I enter the relationship when I'm sure of my own and his feelings, and I know I can trust him. Not many men have the patience to deal with me because I take my time. But at least the relationships I created existed for years.

so I still prefer to trust to show my partner that I won't control, check, or verify. If he wanted to hurt me, nothing would stop him anyway. But I believe that being positive toward someone creates an equally positive response

[KrakenAttackin]

@islathewitch. You took your time so you could build trust, correct? How was this trust built? I bet it was built by having boundaries in place, and both of you respecting basic limitations.

Again, trust is built in drops and lost in buckets.

[IslaTheWitch]

@KrakenAttackin I don't set boundaries for men I'm not in a relationship with. I don't build the trust, and he doesn't earn it. I take my time to get to know the man I'm interested in. I learn about him and observe his reactions and the decisions he makes... If I feel good about him, I give him the benefit of the doubt. And when we are together, he can prove he is worthy of my trust.

[KrakenAttackin]

@islathewitch. Ok, but you have expectations of how he will act. You KNOW what behavior equates to relationship material and what does not. A big problem is that "hoe" behavior (lots of thirst trap posts, very flirty, Snap Chat DM's) is more normalized for women than men. As such it is VERY difficult for men to properly vet and build trust with women.

[IslaTheWitch]

@KrakenAttackin no, I have no expectations. I'm not stupid. Expectations are the shortest way to a broken relationship. I observe. There is no one way of doing things right. Every person develops their own ways. So, I just observe. I take my time to get to know people. Not only their name, likes, and dislikes but also default reactions, how they act in stressful situations, etc... You can learn a lot that way... like when people raise their voices or curse who they blame for simple things...

[KrakenAttackin]

@islathewitch. Let me amplify, when I said you have expectations, you may not have articulated them but you know what you want in a partner. If the other person wants to be in your life they will act more like a person in a relationship, he will seek to build your trust (and presumably you will seek to build his trust, unless you have so much male abundance that you don't care).

[IslaTheWitch]

@KrakenAttackin no, you are wrong. I don't look for relationship material :D I'm interested in good people; if we click and both are single - we have a chance for a relationship; if we don't, we can stay friends or split our ways. But I've never in my life looked for a partner... My partners just happened in my life. They surprised me with their resilience, uniqueness, and personality traits...

[KrakenAttackin]

@islathewitch. You are speaking from a position of pure privilege and abundance.

[IslaTheWitch]

@KrakenAttackin lol I speak from a position of maturity...

[KrakenAttackin]

@islathewitch. We can agree to disagree.

[IslaTheWitch]

@KrakenAttackin with pleasure

[KrakenAttackin]

@islathewitch. I think our dialogue shows the different ways men and women approach relationships.

[kylee2437]

@KrakenAttackin LOL this isn’t a trust issue thing, it’s a man that doesn’t see this situation as long term, so he doesn’t feel the need to bring her around people that are connected to his life. People throw around the terms “trust issues” so easily when in reality meeting someone’s friends is just a very small step to a relationship being built.
This man obviously isn’t trying to build a relationship

[LazerBean]

Yeah, huge red flag when a guy doesn't trust his own friends. And probably means that he's no better than them.

[Mia230]

I don't know how to feel about it , it could be a good or bad thing, he said he knows how they are and doesn't want them mess up our connection oh and they are co workers

[bowenw]

It seems like he may not trust you around them or he has low self confidence.

[kylee2437]

He’s not serious about her. The excuse is a cop out

[Mia230]

He does say they call him gay for not hitting on girls when they're out and he's self conscious about being thinner so maybe he isn't confident

[JoePro_]

Only if his friends have no boundaries and are known cheaters. If they're not trustworthy, I can understand why you wouldn't want to introduce someone to people who aren't trustworthy. HOWEVER, if his friends are like that, then he really shouldn't be friends with them. Otherwise, if they're true bros despite being flirty, then no. Shouldn't be a problem.

[coolbreeze]

He is probably insecure thinking his friends will try to take his girlfriend away.

[Mia230]

Yeah I feel that also but I make it known I'm not interested at all In them

[pethouse]

Sure it might just be his insecurities but Some homies you just can’t trust.

[Mia230]

I think that's really what it is lol especially since one is married and still flirts around

[NathanDavis]

well... it does suck

a guy can't really trust his friends or his girlfriend and gets all weirdly insecure like that?

that is just sad really

[BonzoInBitburg]

You are the same person as your 3 closest friends.

[Nikki1989]

It is more annoying than weird.

[Mia230]

Yeah I agree

[Mia230]

Especially when I'm not interested in men like that lol

[OtterMan68]

your boyfriend sounds insecure. You need to ask why he doesn't trust you and why he has "friends" he does not trust

[Anonymous]

Could be a good thing maybe his manwhore friends are date rapers and might try that shit if they meet you

[Mia230]

I hope not lol wheww

[KrakenAttackin]

He's afraid you will accidentally jump on one or more of their cocks.

[Mia230]

I told him he doesn't have to worry about me liking them

[KrakenAttackin]

He knows better.

[Mia230]

Lol I want him to know that he doesn't have to worry about that