Is it a red flag if a man is too respectful to you?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

My guy best friend thinks the man I talk to is too nice and respectful to me and he flirts very respectfully and he doesn’t sound like a man who wants to rip of your clothes,

So he says, he’s confused, because when he’s into a girl, usually he is blinded by his penis and can’t think past anything sexual and he tells me he is confused as to why the guy I talk to daily is so respectful to me.

I am now confused, is it a bad thing that he is respectful and doesn’t act overly sexual and flirts subtly with me?

He texts me everyday, we video call each other and he has planned we’ll meet up in his next trip.

But my guy friend keeps thinking him being so respectful and nice is confusing.

[CalmUntilAbused]

It's a perfect example of how more and more situations in modern Western culture are becoming a game of Russian roulette. In this case, there are basically two possibilities.

The first one is that the overly respectful man is simply an honestly good person who also happens to be a little bit more refined than an average person these days. Basically, He's a gem to be treasured (though I wouldn't recommend kidnapping Him and tying Him to a chair, even if You're willing to take care of His every need - He's still a human being with the gift of free will, and if He spends His life tied to a chair, Him being refined will lose that special charm 😉).

The second one is that the overly respectful man is a psychopath, using his refined behaviour to lure You into his clutches. Now then... I've heard that psychopaths tend to also be narcissistic, so he might keep the "refined" act even after successfully mesmerizing You, but I don't think being belittled and tormented in a "refined" way is any better than in a "regular" way.

The worst part is that the revolver in this game of Russian roulette is most likely half-loaded. Due to general societal degradation, I'd estimate that "refined" individuals are just about as numerous as psychopaths, so the probabilities of the man in question being either of those are just about equal. The only thing that can be said about that man is that he's exceptional - whether it's in positive or negative direction is up to luck.

Now, if I had a chance at a 50/50 gamble for what can only be described as "heaven on earth", I'd take it. I'm mentally prepared to literally die at any moment anyway, so a chance at changing that depressing life of mine for the better (8j my case, by finding a "refined" lady to become my wife) would be much too tempting to give it up. Does it work the same way for You? I honestly hope it does not, but it might still be worth it for You to take that chance even if Your outlook on life is more optimistic.

[CalmUntilAbused]

"in my case"*

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

A gentleman is a man who has a wild beast inside and will rip off your clothes but knows to tame that beast inside. He's someone who only does it when it's clearly consensual. It's someone with a lot of self-control.

Your guy friend seems to think a gentleman is a submissive type who has no wild beast inside him in the first place, and there are definitely guys like that.

So those types can be red flags because they're often asskissers with ulterior motives or even if they aren't, they tend to be very submissive and won't do a good job of protecting a woman.

Yet they're easy to tell apart. A gentleman carries himself like a benevolent king who isn't ashamed to get on his knee to aid one of his subjects. A gentle submissive carries himself like a servant eager to please their mistress.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

You can tell in the language as well. Like a gentleman will plan and arrange a date with you and will lead and pay for it. A gentle submissive (or asskisser) won't and will use follower language like, "I'm happy to do whatever you want to do." He'll dump the burden of leadership on you. So the ultimate difference between a gentleman and a gentle sub is leadership.

[WhitneySnow]

That’s not a red flag at all! Your guy friend is just jealous cause he wants to sleep with you and he’s jealous that you like this other guy precisely because he’s so nice and respectful (something your guy friend could never pull off).

[PeachyPie93]

No if a guy is too sexual he isn't really into you he just wants to fuck. If he is respectful that shows actual care for you.

[lightbulb27]

heart vs crotch, don't see a problem yet.

[superchan2011]

Well in this case I think that your guy friend may be basing how he would be onto how he thinks the man your interested in should act if he's into you. But really there's two possibilities, either your friend is correct and he's not that into you and is pretending or maybe that really is his way of showing attraction as some people are more subtle with showing their attraction to a person and he may really just be that respectful to you as well so that you don't feel like he's only caring about you in a sexual light.

[Tylerw]

He's the good guy that girls always wish for but hypocritically turn down for the guys that want in your pants.

Sounds like your guy friend doesn't understand true interest or you 2 are fwbs and that's why he sticks around.

I'm respectful to women I meet but here I am single still because girls think the bad boy is the best option till they go through unending heartbreaks because they were only interested for what was under your outfit.

I mean yeah I'm gonna show more interest in a woman is attractive but that's how y'all catch my eye it's then to know what kind of person you really are.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I have never had friends with benefits, so my friend is just that a guy friend

[AviatorTom]

A true gentleman is respectful, and wants to rip off your clothes, but makes sure that is what you want before doing it.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Well said

[Sam12348]

Your guy friend seems to be jealous of you. Remember one thing that not all guys want just sex from girls. Cause there are many other things that matters in a relationship

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Why would he be jealous? He is not gay

[Sam12348]

Cause you are a girl lol common sense

[JacobJordan]

Your guy bestfriend should take notes on how to treat women maybe he won't be miserable and single

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

He’s taken.

[JacobJordan]

Mmmm then why does he care. Either way dude should be taking notes not down talking the guy

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I think he was just confused whether that guy is really into me or not, because even though texts me everyday, he is being very respectful and nice and not really taking a lead.

Which I like.

[JacobJordan]

I am just like the guy you are talking to. I am not sexual at all when I talk to women I am interested in I am a gentleman. Being married now just means that I give my wife all of that.

[JacobJordan]

Yeah gentlemen are rare in today's society most guys are incapable of emotional self control.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I like him a lot…

[JacobJordan]

Not surprising. Most women want a guy that is a gentleman once they get out of their own way

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Yep. Hope he likes me the same way as I do.

[molonski2]

Too respectful is not good in my opinion , you want to be with a guy that given even half the chance , would be ripping off your gear and going for it , no guy of merit should ever be considered " safe " , that's all part of the game. Its a massive red flag.

[Grond21]

Wait wait wait. Your friend is seriously saying it's a red flag that he isn't a slave to his sexual desires? A man in control is somehow inferior to a man enslaved to his desires?

Your friend needs to look in a mirror, if he wants to see where the true red flag is

[laly520]

no its not a red flag
we got used to jerks n trashy guys to the point we started to see respectful guys as red flags

[spartan55]

I wouldn't say it's a bad thing per se, but sounds like he might be trying the reverse psychology bit.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

What do you mean?

[spartan55]

Like he's trying to overplay the respectful card.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Why would he?

[spartan55]

To get you believing he is Mr. Respectful...

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Why would he need to?

[spartan55]

I just told you.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Yeah, but why does he want me to believe he is mister respectful? He is very popular among girls, very handsome and very successful- He doesn’t need to pretend to be someone he is not - To attract literally any girl…

[spartan55]

But he's trying to attract you. Who says he's not respectful? He may be, but he shouldn't be drawing attention to it.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

He’s not drawing any attention to it. It’s my guy friend who pointed it out that the guy I talk to is being too nice and respectful.

[spartan55]

Then the guy you talk to is.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Is not it a good thing?

[spartan55]

What I'm saying is he shouldn't be drawing attention to it.

[spartan55]

Your guy friend very obviously likes you by the way.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I think so too… He told me the other day he is hiding something from me that he thinks would hurt our friendship.

I think he likes me too, but he wants me to be happy, he is in a relationship and I don’t think he’d be sad if I had a relationship with this respectful gentleman.

[spartan55]

Lots of bluster, he likes you without a doubt.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I’d rather that respectful guy like me

[spartan55]

What makes you think he doesn't?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

He’s just very popular with women and very successful and has a lot of sexy, classy and pretty women after him.

[spartan55]

Okay... so what?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Well, a lot of my friends and my family who I have asked for advice for as they think he’s a player because he’s very successful. He’s very attractive. He has lots of girls after him and we are also long distance so even though he’s very attentive, he doesn’t really talk much about future, so that’s why.

[spartan55]

He's a player because he is successful and attractive? Oookay...👌

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Because he seems to be liking the photos of many sexy girls, he follows a few sexy girls and all of them follow him back. But not sexy in a vulgar way, but decent classy sexy girls. And he has been following girls from every country he travels to.

[spartan55]

Uh, yeah, he's a guy. Not sure what you expect, but anyway. Would you like it if people assumed things about you because you are attractive?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

He’s got far more attractive and gorgeous girls than I am. I think if he was not a player, he’d already be in a relationship with any of them.

[spartan55]

Maybe he hasn't found the right one. That is possible.

[DJB72]

It's possible, but go for it. If you're wanting him to rip your clothes off then you may need to drop hints the dimensions of Everest...

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Why do you think it could possibly be a red flag?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Oh, I wouldn’t need to drop hints to let him know that because he’s a very experienced man, and he has had far more pretty girls in his past than any man I’ve ever met before

[daemonBot]

Sounds like a good guy. It shows he can delay gratification. He might be different IRL, but I hope he's not.

[Unicornrose]

For me too much attention is bad. It depends if you like it. For some guys they love to be attentive. But some gals like me don't like it. Just decide if you like it

[Billlewis]

I think that's very true. Of course, if your only goal is to serve her, you don't mind that, as a guy.

[NewgodOmega]

Everything is a red flag about men
For me anything female is a red flag
I don't like being around female birds as well

[Still-alive]

If he’s actually genuinely respectful no its not.

if you think he’s faking it or trying too hard then that couod be true.

[Booklover_90]

Is it because you’re use to men letting you down? Sounds like a gentleman to me.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I don’t. It’s my guy friend who makes me confused.

[Yannae]

If the majority thinks that's a red flag, I declare you crazy xD

I'm passing this question to my friends Right now

[clampfan101]

It’s called being a gentleman. They still exist, myself included among them.

[motownplayer2000]

No. But women tend to get bored of that extremely fast… so he will lose out in the end