How do guys make and choose their friends?

[Rosexøxø]

Do guys befriend “bad guys?”

Like will a guy befriend someone he knows is a cheater? Or can guys sense or plainly know when a guy is “just not right,” and will he choose not to associate with him? Or keep it basic?

I wonder if guys can somewhat tell a bit or read other guys, and I wonder if that at all determines or has any effect as to whether or not a guy would befriend those guys.

Like do guys also befriend other men who don’t share their same beliefs? Or believe really morally wrong things like for example murder or something? Will a guy still befriend that guy but base it on something else?

I’ve also seen memes and people joke about how two guys can fight and right after be the best of friends. Or that’s how they meet and become great friends. Which is slightly odd- I admit, but I almost see the logic with it. I do.

BUT fighting is one thing.

How do guys choose to be friends with other guys? And does their behavior determine if any certain guy would be friends with them?

Why are guys even friends with other guys? Is it for hobbies only? What causes these friendships to come about anyhow?

• (Try not to focus on the lady stupidity lol just the two big guys fighting- and then becoming friends lol 😂 I laughed so hard).
  

(Video sources from YouTube)

Updates

1 mo

I ask because a movie I watched included a guy and girl who ended up together but he knew her ex and was friends with him. The new guy and her ended in love together a realistic and happy relationship, but it made me wonder why would he make the guy seem okay in front of her if he knew her ex just wasn’t right? I suppose the movie doesn’t include such depth in between and all, but it made me wonder.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

I like to befriend both men and women who have very different values from mine. So some are very promiscuous, some are way more traditional than I am, some way less, some completely opposed to me in terms of political views, some homosexual, some bisexual, some trans, etc.

I even have one friend who is ex-Yakuza. I absolutely hate Yakuza but he has repented from working for the underground economy and now lives a very honest life as a restaurant owner. I don't judge people based on their past if it doesn't affect their present and future.

Mostly my way is simple. If I enjoy hanging out with a person repeatedly, and they enjoy hanging out with me repeatedly, we become friends. That's pretty much all there is to it. The exceptional ones tend to distinguish themselves over time with very selfless actions.

I don't have to agree with a person to enjoy a conversation with them. On the contrary, my favorite conversations are generally with people I don't agree with whatsoever, but are very open and not focused on debating (just sharing our viewpoints) that we can peacefully agree to disagree anyway.

My mind tends to rot if I spend too much time in an echo chamber of like-minded people. I need my thoughts to be challenged by people who don't 100% agree to test their validity and consider alternative viewpoints. So I welcome friends of all sorts, from all sorts of cultures, across the world, as long as we can have a good time together and share viewpoints that don't align with each other without trying to attack each other.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

One thing in my case is that I don't generalize people based on their behaviors in select contexts. For example, one of my closest female friends is a horrible girlfriend:

She was a wild woman (less so these days since she finally got married in her 50s) who loved to party. Yet she was a horrible girlfriend. She would date guys half her age for a couple of weeks and dump them after she had her fun with them. We called her a "preying mantis" that way in our friend group.

I found it absolutely awful. However, she wasn't awful as a friend. It would have been my worst nightmare to be her boyfriend since her "girlfriend ethics" were so horrible, but actually she was a very good and loyal friend who always did selfless things on behalf of her friends and always watched our backs.

So very often, people can be a bit horrible in one context but very loyal and good in another.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

As an example, Martin Luther King was very adulterous and constantly cheated on his wife. So he was a horrible husband. However, he was overall a very decent person as far as I can tell. So if he were alive, I would have been happy to be his friend even though I would have strongly disapproved of his cheating.

[Rosexøxø]

That’s so interesting. I wonder why people will behave differently in a friend context, stranger context, and sexual interaction context.

It’s crazy that there wouldn’t be some consistency in the character.

It also seems a bit telling of you. You seem to seek out (at times)? Some level of chaos or unpredictability and since you’re a detailed person and from some personality test you shared earlier, you demonstrated being an introverted extrovert. To me that says you can balance the social and solo times.

This is obviously not traditional behavior, and it would make sense why you’d have to cope and learn self awareness/ self control/ composure and such like that.

I think that’s very interesting to learn/ notice. It seems you can learn to handle high stress situations?

Most people crave comfort and predictability.

Even life after death to many seems unpredictable and possibly why many seek to avoid risky situations but maybe to you that unpredictability is something you are at times drawn too? Why you do dare devilish stuff?

And I wonder if there’s similarities/ trends to things with other people who have some similarities. A thing or two with yourself.

Those who seek challenges? Are they better at coping or maneuvering through them? That’s what I wonder.

Aside from that the views on the friendships is very interesting. Thanks for the share!

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Cheers! 🤝

On people varying in terms of their ethical conduct in different contexts, I think a lot of people consider the notion of good vs. evil as a very conscious and free choice we all have in equal degrees in all contexts. I do subscribe to that philosophy as an ideal; it's the most empowering ideal and often the most useful way to think to overcome our vices.

Yet I think most of what we call "evil" often stems from habits, addictions, fears, which vary wildly from one individual to another. Above all might be fear. Fear varies wildly: one person might be afraid of spiders and another might have no problems handling a tarantula, and another has a fear of heights and yet another has no fear of heights. So I think this is where people tend to vary a lot in their ethical consistency across contexts is that behaving ethically in different contexts can challenge different types of fears and addictions which can vary a lot from one person to the next.

What people tend to call "high stress" situations are my forte but mainly because they are some of the lowest stress situations for me. I'm reversed that way. There is nothing that stresses me out more than becoming too comfortable, too routine, in my way of thinking and activities. So I am allergic to high stress situations as much as anyone, except the situations that cause me high stress are often the opposite.

As for my tendency to invite thrills and new experiences having learned that I seem to be rather extreme on the sensation-seeking scale recently, I have only conjecture for why that may be. Yet one of them is that I've found things hurt me more when I'm not used to them. If I get too used to people agreeing with me all the time, I get hurt more when someone disagrees because I develop an ego thinking I must surely be right with so many people agreeing with me. So I like to shatter that ego before it becomes too inflated and risks being seriously harmed.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

There is no greater time that I feel more vulnerable than when I have grown too comfortable with the way things are. Any sign of resistance will then hurt me the maximum. So seeking out some degree of resistance regularly is actually my way of reducing my vulnerability to harm and even reducing stress.

[Rosexøxø]

OMG BEFORR I READ ANYTHING FURTHER

What we call evil stems from habits and addictions

Aside from a spiritual view (which I grew up kind of having)

THIS IS SO TRUE

Anything bad or we fear is naturally something we can’t or feel we can’t control.

Circumstances or ADDICTIONS

It’s why some religious people say stay away from harmful substances and such.

Anything bad for us is something we can’t control or we lack dislike in and ALSO what actually hurts us.

Because someone may fear being around substances or a group who practices that but if they have the self control they don’t have to “fear” that.

I read another question about what people can’t do and many replied swimming and a fear of the water.

One guy said his mother was afraid of it so never let him and (his sibling maybe)? Around it. He hadn’t learned.

So like things people fear is something they can’t control ULTIMATELY (until I see anything else) and they may enforce that on to others they have influence on and their offspring as well!

I don’t know but you gave a new angle to this topic and it all just kind of came together for me.

I’ll have to look at it more. Maybe it’s so obvious but of course people fear things out of their control.

Some people can be nervous around lions but if they know how to control their decisions and sway the situation in their favor they can ultimately stand in the midst of danger and something fearful!

I don’t know but that’s really good stuff. And I still have to read the rest of the context! 😂 🙌

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

This might also be a bit TMI so I hope you'll forgive me if it makes you uncomfortable. Yet something I always thought about introspectively to try to analyze my quirks, the ultimate of which is my unhealthy addiction to risk-taking, there is something that always seemed to ring a bit true to me.

I'm an atheist and have always been as far as I could tell, but my mother tried to raise me a devout Christian being one herself. Yet being an ultimate empiricist and skeptical type even at birth, I just couldn't believe in any of it despite her sending me to church and Sunday school regularly. So I expressed my lack of faith to her one time while she was driving and she pulled over the car and threatened me with eternal damnation if I don't believe.

I still couldn't believe it. I found the idea of a God beautiful in some way as well as the Biblical stories, but I could only accept it figuratively, not literally. If we're speaking of it in some gestalt type of way like the sum of the universe is more than its parts, and collectively that whole is "God" in a deistic type of sense, I do love that way of thinking, along with human beings collectively as "souls". Yet if we're talking about the likes of worldwide floods and virgin births and water into wine, I'm too much of a skeptic to accept any of it.

Yet there was still the alarming, "What if she's right?" that of thought that pervaded my childhood. How can I possibly prepare myself for eternal damnation and suffering? So that's when I remember starting to do things like holding my breath underwater to the point where I was croaking and about to pass out, and still thinking that's not enough. If I find that too uncomfortable and painful, how am I going to handle eternal damnation?

So I think that's when I started to seek out pain and suffering and ultimately resistance on a regular basis so that I can endure eternal damnation on the remote possibility that such an afterlife exists.

[Rosexøxø]

SORRY FOR AGREEING LMAO

BUT THATS SO GOOD.

Resistance like training muscles at a gym. The tearing is growth.

And I’ve read somewhere (maybe a Ted talk I don't know lol) about the best way to step out of a comfort zone is to like increase exposure little by little. To sort of desensitize a bit to those “fears” and such.

Basically relates a bit to what you said about seeking resistance and such.

Of course you want challenges because if we all were comfortable and such would we be learning and like progressing? Or being stagnant and our brain somewhat just being (I can’t recall the word).

You know? Anyways this is good stuff! I always love information I can agree with. Do what you gotta do to keep the ego in check but the info is solid! ✊

It leaves plenty of room to build off of that and make more conclusions.

And understanding humans and their way of living is so interesting to me.

Habits and all of that!

Perspectives and why they develop it that way. Super interesting. Cheers!

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Cheers! 🤝

[Rosexøxø]

THATS SO WILD LMAO IM SORRY BUT CAN WE MAKE A MOVIE OUT OF THAT!

(Apologies for offense). It’s a traumatic thing to acknowledge that is somewhat shaped your choices in life from then onward and somewhat sad you wanted to prepare for damnation instead of like trying to talk to a as he’s described ‘loving god’ and father.

But that makes you more admirable. It’s too bad. Like I wish we could raise a certain generation of demographic of people like this? And maybe try to keep the balances, but I’m not sure what the cons could be to it, I think the biggest thing is being able to find like satisfaction or contentment.

I want to say you were really quite lucky in all that you incorporated your mother said this to a unique mind and you sought information and knowing about things paired with the dangers and it just works well.

I know for sure someone who had no control over their emotions or just REACTED to the stress stuff yet still seeking it would be in a very self harming cycle.

I think you’re able to like coexist and work with this. Using them as tools, and that’s just awesome.

In a world where people can be that of habit (and I’m sure yourself too) it’s a bit sad that the habits that are popular are the ones that don’t try to solve or understand and only seek comfort or avoidance of things.

I don't know I think the world just needs a bit of a balance with this.

Also if you had absolutely no logic you would’ve sought dangerous activities band surely died 😆

Like those jousting I think? With knights

And basically any young adult guys who seek danger to avoid acknowledge confrontations they don’t want to and while not being informed they just end up getting hurt sometimes if they’re not “lucky.”

Like doing parkour and just throwing yourself about and then snapping a limb on the first go or so.

I don't know it’s all very complex, but good stuff indeed 🧠 💭 💯💯💯💯

[Rosexøxø]

Yeah nevermind don’t read what I said because as always whenever I get excited or just want to share a lot I simply toss punctuation out the window. I reread that and lost myself lol 😆 the bottom line

⚠️ @GuyAnswersGirls123 you shared good information about habits and fears. What people seek and avoid. It’s like looking at magnets and the pull and pushes. Seeing the currents and how things operate. Fascinating. 💯

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Thanks very much! I think one of the things I always found very motivating these days are quotes like these:

>> Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones. -- Marcus Aurelius

I find that pursuit of the good and noble life something I can resonate with deeply with many theists. I may lack the supernatural beliefs but we can still try to pursue virtue regardless.

Another I love is this one:


That kind of frames things in an interesting perspective that goes beyond our lives. From my view, life becomes most interesting not merely when we try to discover meaning to our lives, but meaning beyond; our impact on the universe, however small or large, remains and cascades beyond our passing.

[Friendlybro79]

My longest friendships go over 25 years. We've known each other since we were young adults and have always kept touch, and go out together, even gone on vacation together. We met at a crappy job that we all worked at.

I'm not so worried about if they agree with me on everything or believe in the same things I do. It's about the ability for us to enjoy our time together despite those differences. We know how to poke fun at each other and have earned the right to do that with each other. These are people that would give blood for me.

Now making new friends at 44 has never been hard for me but I don't go looking for new friends often. I should note the difference between a friend and acquaintance. It's not easy to maintain good friendships when life gets in the way. That said a good friend understands this.

Regarding would I stay friends with someone who is a bad guy. If I got a whiff of a person being an asshole human being, I wouldn't want to be their friend in the first place.

Ifa current friend makes human mistake and is genuinely remorseful I'm going to be there for him because that's what a good friend is. If he repeats awful or illegal behavior, I'd have a conversation and probably let him know I can't be friends. I don't think that would ever happen to my friends because we're all not built that way but you never know I suppose.

[DizzyDesii]

I think they befriend those they look up to or those they want to look up to them. My boyfriend chose this one friend that i can't stand because he claims its like looking in a mirror. However he says this guy is a dumbed down version of himself. He considers himself really smart and intelligence is what he feels his friend lacks. That scares me that he considers himself similar to that guy. He chose his other friend because he feels he has a good head on his shoulders. However he says this friend is boring in comparison to the “cool” friend. He likes the daredevil troublemaker apparently

[Rosexøxø]

That’s very interesting! Yeah I think I noticed this somewhere where guys have mentioned wanting someone they felt they could respect and was a bit ahead of them and then some or one that would be slightly behind them. That way they feel like they can learn and teach or so.

I don't know if this is traditional/ common or if it varies from guy to guy?

It definitely makes sense though.

And yeah I feel like most guys would seek out some or at least one friendship with someone who seemed a bit nutty 😆 because it makes them feel young or so and maybe alive? Like they need that adventure a bit or wild fun? I’m not entirely sure, though.

But this perspective definitely helps and is very enlightening for sure 👀

[DizzyDesii]

Both guys are way younger than him. But the daredevil one has the courage and confidence that my boyfriend wishes he had. He just doesn't consider the guy intelligent. He considere his other friend intelligent but more boring than he considers himself. Its odd but yea

[Rosexøxø]

Odd and interesting! 😂

[spartan55]

Depends on how close of a friend, the group dynamic, etc. The guy friend group I ran with in high school would look the other way at cheating. Never glorified it, just pretended it never happened, etc. HOWEVER, it became known one dude in our group was beating his girlfroend and he was totally blackballed from our group.

[Rosexøxø]

Yeah that’s so interesting like where are the lines drawn and such. I think that’s kind of cool but at the same time I feel a little tiny bit bad you guys maybe didn’t try to separate the two or so.

I hope they’re both well physically and mentally 🤞😬

[spartan55]

It was hard at times for me because I am very anti-cheating, but I never said much because I didn't want to go against the ambivalent attitude. But domestic violence was a no go no exceptions.

[Rosexøxø]

I appreciate this. People not standing in unison with such behaviors and beliefs is a great step in the right direction. 💯💯