My ex had a girl best friend from college.. I didn’t think much of it at first, and was happy that he was able to maintain such close friendships after colllege as most of mine moved away and settled. It wasn’t until he started mentioning her in casual conversation such as “Oh I remember when me and her tried this restaurant…”
It kept happening over and over, and I also knew they would schedule hang outs whenever they didn’t get a chance to see each other. Every Thursday they would schedule a FaceTime chat at 6pm. They would have their inside jokes and talk about different topics that they liked, some I wasn’t that interested in. He also insisted that he never saw her in a romantic way, just friends.
It hurt because it felt like he was missing her, and I started losing myself in order to make him happy. I told my friends about how I was feeling and they suggested setting boundaries. Such as asking him to join their FaceTime chats so it wouldn’t just be 1-1 between them and would give me an opportunity to learn about her
I got courage to tell him how uncomfortable I was with the relationship, but he responded by acting defensively. He said I was weird for not having a close male friend in my life that wasn’t family. And finally, he said that I was lucky he didn’t see it as a red flag at the start of our relationship.
We broke up due to his emotional unavailability, and the fact that he said he didn’t want to set boundaries. I didn’t even ask him, but he said that if he has to choose, it would be her based on their friendship and how that was the most important to him. I still remember him texting her as I cried.
I just want to know that if I do get into another relationship and if the guy has a girl best friend, what can I do to feel comfortable? I still want to be happy, but my experience before has just ruined me emotionally at the moment. I hthink ideally, I would want to have a boyfriend where we can not only be together, but also be each other’s best friends
