Guys, Can someone explain why he is so stubborn?

[Anonymous]

Hi, So my boyfriend lives in one of his fathers homes. He lives there now for about 5 years. The house needs repairs! The water pipe burst in the roof this weekend and now there is an issue with the geyser not heating... There are a few other things that need repairs too. Now all these issues fall under home insurance so it is covered already, however he doesn't want to get it fixed and says he will do it when he has money and time... which Is Not right now.. I have stood by and heard his complaints and anger towards these issues and it just frustrates me because we are supposed to be moving in, in 3 months and he won't just call his dad to get the info he needs to put a claim in.
So I just thought id do it. I called up the fathers girlfriend (who handles everything) and asked her if there is insurance and if they will cover, she said yes and asked info so she can put the claim in... Now my boyfriend is upset with me for trying to help. He says he doesn't want his dad to know he is struggling and can't do it himself... I told him that these things happen and its not a reflection on him at all but he feels for some reason as a failure or weak?

Can other men please help me understand because to me this is just stupid and if the insurance can just come fix it then its 1 less issue for him to worry about... Sometimes I wonder if he likes the torture.

[robhazelnut]

The relationship between his dad and he is the crux here, and you breached a boundary, treating his father's home as if you own it. Perhaps his dad is letting him live there only if he could take care of it himself. If so, then your boyfriend will soon face eviction.

It is reasonable to ask your boyfriend the details about his dedication to not request assistance. It's also reasonable to throw any notions of "________ has to be done RIGHT NOW." right out. Accept his decisions about it, live elsewhere or face his father who owns the place. Those are the possible paths for your body and mind right now.

[Asker]

The thing is, if a leak is left longer than 30 days, insurance doesn't cover it. His dad has asked him to please keep him up to date on the property and any issues with it. His dad owns a few properties that he leases out and this is one of them. He pays rent. We both agreed to move in together as it will help save both of us on money each month but because I have a daughter and there could be possible mold from the leak, its a health hazard and also against the law. I am only trying to help him as his life is a shambles right now. The less issues i can help with, the more time he has to focus on his work.

[robhazelnut]

I see, his dad wanting to be kept up to date onnthe house completely changes my previous conclusion. You were perfectly fine and reasonable in making that phone call.

Not that your boyfriend's state of mind is present in all men all of the time, but it's a common manifestation of pride in those with male bodies to refuse to ask for help. It's rooted in a compulsion to prove efficacy and can easily cause a male mind to slip into thinking something like, "Well, I'll take the one percent chance of succeeding on my own because asking for help would make me a complete failure.", or "I'll figure it out, don't need a manual, have every necessary tool and can do it in an afternoon this weekend."

[robhazelnut]

I acknowledge having made an assumption before 🙂

[Asker]

I understand that fully and for the most part have respected that but Sometimes when you have a family you need to put that pride down in order for your family not to suffer.

[spartan55]

Sounds like he's just an everyday typical dipshit. So he wants to live with a busted pipe in the attic? Da fuq is that about?