Why do men not care if their girlfriends/wives live freely off of them?

[Bethany22]

Like what kind of brainwashing do guys go through to think that someone has the right to live off of their pay cheque?

[Anonymous]

My wife doesn’t live freely off of me. She takes care of a lot of things that benefit both of us. She’s been a stay at home wife/mom for the last 15 years or so. I don’t see it as her taking advantage of me. She does things like cook, take care of our dogs. Our children are grown now. Where it becomes a problem is when you can clearly see she isn’t trying to reciprocate her appreciation by taking care of us on other levels. Doesn’t always have to be financially either. I think most men look at his income as our income. We’re willing to share our resources. Women usually aren’t. If they’re (women) earning quite a bit of money most women usually expect a man to make the same amount or more. She’s still depending on him to take care of a majority of the bills. Which again most men don’t mind. I think it’s just instinctual just the same as when animals in nature like lions take care of their pride.

[Juxtapose]

Because they don't introspect or question things very much. They get handed a role, they think about it for about 5 seconds and then they make a decision. Most people just act how they are expected to act.

If men really sat down and thought about how raw of a deal they get served on a regular basis, they would change a lot.

[blueonblack22]

That or they are afraid of being alone.

[Juxtapose]

Cowards!

[Lynx122]

Well first of all there are a lot of men who are questioning this but they usually get called broke misogynists, incels, sassy, soft, not real men, feminine, useless and more.

But some guys have started the soft guy era which is a half troll have serious movement to push back against the narrative and the shaming and making fun of it. I made a question about it a while back you can check it out :). It has taken off quite a bit.

Secondly there are people in both genders who have low self esteem and have never found a partner that treats them well so they will just do whatever it takes to keep someone around. Or their self esteem was deliberately undermined by their parents which is very sad. Even people who have many options fall victim to this sometimes.

Thirdly when push comes to shove women still want the same things from men they've always wanted but they're not willing to offer what women used to offer so this has created this tension, conflict or what you want to call it. In the past people/societies tried to get as many people paired up as was possible because the group as a whole thrived more like this. Everybody had a lot invested in the groups success because they had a family and they wanted their family to do well they couldn't just abandon everything or be selfish and stab others in the back because the whole village was important. Now it's the wild west a free for all and the so the free market has to basically regulate what is "fair" in this new dating market. Can women have careers but never pay any bills? Well as long as they will find a man who puts up with it yes. But this system will leave a lot of people on both sides who would've had a partner in the old system frustrated. But there might be some guys who have to pay to even get a chance. Atm it's a bit chaotic.

4. Men are just wired to want to make a woman happy most men as boys want to be the knight in shining armor for their princess that's the basic feeling you have as a young boy when you first like a girl. You think she will feel the same way about you as you feel about her if you show her through your actions that you like her. It's only through pain and suffering that you learn to be more careful. Maybe some guys were lucky and they didn't learn the lesson until they were adults and now it's costing them.

As you said it can also be a kind of brainwashing. Some women are constantly pushing narratives and attacking people for having differing opinions. I think their goal is to push the Overton window when it comes to gender issues as far in their own direction as possible so when men want to disagree or have different opinions they will automatically be seen as extreme, anti social, out of touch, misogynist, hateful, make him feel isolated, alone like his opinion is not valid and he is not accepted he can't speak freely and expect the same respect and consideration as other people.

And I think this strategy is quite effective. With the internet this control has weakened because men can find other men with similar experiences and not feel alone anymore but in the mainstream discourse like on TV it's still catering to women.

Anyway it is a complex topic in a changing world we'll see what the future brings. Personally my girlfriend treats me very well so I'm happy and grateful.

[sage2021]

It's called being a house wife or homemaker.

Decades ago that was the norm. She stayed home and took care of the house and kids, the family and he worked outside the home.

I have a friend who married a guy who's family has money. He always worked outside the home and she was a homemaker.

I always wondered how they worked out their home finances. Did he give her an allowance for groceries? Did he just paid for even her medical and dental bills.

She is spoiled rotten! Always has been.
I on the other hand always had to work, even when I was married. So when someone suggested I ask my husband to buy me things like appliances, I said I just go and get those without him. She was a homemaker and I guess she had to ask her husband to buy her a microwave whereas, if I wanted one, I just bought it.

I would feel very uncomfortable asking my husband for money while I just stayed home and expected him to be the only one to have a job and help with the finances.

I knew this man who was married and asked his wife to get a job to help with the finances and she never would work. So, he just paid for everything.

I don't know why a man wouldn't care if their girlfriend or wife would just expect him to pay for everything. Times have changed.

[blueonblack22]

There are evolutionary instincts that both men and women have when it comes to all of this. And “gender equality” has only been around for 50 year or so. Does anybody truly expect men and women to change overnight after thousands of years of conditioning for certain roles?

Many guys could draw the line and walk away. But they are scared of being alone. It’s also an ego issue. A man who is has a committed girlfriend/wife (especially if she’s attractive) is often considered successful in society. Dating is also generally much tougher for men in the early stages when all is equal.

[RavVid]

Back in 2 Million BC men killed game and brought it back so girls "freely lived" off men then but the girls gathered. During the agriculture age, sure women did lighter weight tasks like tying stooks of corn after men had scythed the field but mostly it was girls "freely living" of men's higher value work.

The labor divide was 'Eve span and Adam delved (dug)'. What needed muscle power was men's work and what didn't was women's plus nursing and infant care and being pregnant. Children started doing work suitable for their age. Everybody worked.

The reality is that over at least 2 million years men acclimimated to doing the high muscle power high value work. Typically it divided into work outside the home environment and work around the home environment.

Men are still pretty ok with that deal if they earn enough because work in the home environment is valued by men. And being pregnant and nursing infants are highly specialized tasks.

A few men can afford to have status symbol WAGs but even then would want more out of them then looking pretty. Or I would. I doubt few get to get away with living freely off their husbands.

If you take Royal women part of their job is to look pretty but they have a busy schedule. Elizabeth II certainly did.

[Chazmatazz269]

It’s not brainwashing. It’s conditioning. We’re taught from birth that our sole purpose in life is to produce, provide and protect, primarily for women and children.
“Brainwashing” intones that there was something learned that needed to be unlearned before new training could take hold. We’ve literally never known anything else.
It’s always funny to me that feminists bemoan classic fairy tales because they’re “misogynistic”. But they’ve never stopped to think about how they are simultaneously misandrist. Fairy tales teach little girls that they’re helpless and have to wait on a man to rescue them. Meanwhile, they teach little boys that they’re nothing unless they’re willing to risk life and limb for a woman they’ve never even met. She’s told that once she’s rescued she should love him. He’s told that he’s STILL nothing unless she does, and that IF she does he has to spend the rest of his life protecting her and providing for her.
Those stories trap both boys and girls into ancient gender roles that don’t benefit either one more than the other. But all anyone wants to talk about is those poor girls. Ell oh ell!
Men have not had a liberation movement. We are still trapped by traditional gender roles and nobody seems to care.

[HawkPerception]

Some are indoctrinated by society to believe the societal norms. But others think.

I personally don't believe a man should pay the bill on a restaurant date to "court" a woman. It makes no sense that you treat a woman basically better than if you're in an actual relationship with her. Is the girl's time more valuable than the guy's? Is she not interested in him too and does she not want to be there? I will never do anything but go Dutch and if a girl thinks less of me for it, I'll just see it as good filtering.

As for the cost of living, I'm mixed with my opinion. No one should be freeloading off the other. In a traditional dynamic, the man makes the money and the girl does the cooking and cleaning. I'm fine with that dynamic if I'm making enough money to do provide for both of us. But if I don't, then we should both be working and splitting house work. So it's really not living freely. She's not just sitting on her ass all day every day. There might not be as much work involved in cooking and cleaning and she can chill and watch shows and stuff during the day, but with no work comes boredom and a lack of fulfillment. Everyone has their own issues.

[Anonymous]

It’s usually because of the following:

• Old school chivalry upbringing. Man pays for everything and the woman takes cares of the house. Men who make decent money will do this as long as the woman does her end.
• Ego (trophy wives). It’s a sign of societal success for a man to be seen with a woman. Especially if she’s attractive. Also some men know damn well the woman is only dating/married to him for money. But instead of getting prostitutes (which is societally frowned upon in most cultures) he wants the optics of looking like he’s got it together.
• The fear of being alone. This ties closely to the point above. Some men must have a female companion no matter how unfair the arrangement is. While it’s disingenuous and her companionship is all an act he wants to believe she really loves him. Some women are pretty good at putting on a act they have feelings.
• Control freaks. Some men want to own women like property. Some women sell themselves into this because they are literally allergic to work.

Anyway many attractive women do not care about how stress and sacrifice a well off man had to go through to obtain his wealth. They think he magically got rich just because he’s a man. Nothing can be farther from the truth.

I personally make decent money and own a nice place. I’m single. A few years ago a young very attractive girl who I had legit hook up with later saw the new house with. She wanted a relationship but I knew exactly where that was going. I (politely) declined but she got the message. She was unemployed and think she could date/marry her way out of it.

[liggang]

I don't know. I was totally ready to do it. Society brainwashed me to believe women were "good" in ways that men just weren't.

But now that I'm older I know women are equally as scumbags as men are. They just don't have the strength and power to commit heinous crimes like we do otherwise they probably would. Women do their bad things in other ways.

It's hard to trust anyone. It's not just women. Anytime I see someone lost their partner to a death, I just feel cynical about it because it's like... if they didn't die, maybe they would have cheated or did something horrible.

All that love and who knows, maybe they didn't love you as much or were doing shitty things you'll never find out about and here you are dedicating memories and toasts and shit to them.

Like I know you should want to do that but like I said I feel cynical about it all. Relationships that are truly trustworthy and good must be super rare.

[secret-admirer-perv]

The mindset of men is actually quite simple. Let me offer some clarity.
We can run up a check on my behalf, but in the end we are meeting halfway , if not her working harder than me. , her effort and enthusiasm when it comes to fulfill my needs , we ought give her a medal cause the way she fucking me is the bomb. For me, that is. I don't always pull my weight , but here's my debit/credit, do your hair, buy a bag, call an Uber. I don't give a fuck, call me brainwashed but it ain't living off me, living mundane if you, take what she brings to the table out the equation, no cap

[DishLady]

I don't think it's correct to presume men don't CARE. Several of my guy friends and male family members are all stressed over raising a family and catering to prissy little trophy wives and it's taking a clear toll on their lives. The 1920s "Gatsby" standard of living has to end for everyone to enjoy healthy, balanced relationships.


While supporting a family MIGHT still be a source of male pride for some guys, it's still good to have someone by his side who will help lighten the load whenever possible, either by pitching in with a second source of income, or helping to manage household tasks and projects, etc.

[RiseofArtemis]

You are not entirely right. In the past it was way easier to support a family on one income and a lot of the stuff you did back then had to be done by hand. So if one didn't stay home then everyone would go hungry to bed. Doing laundry or cooking took several hours, not just 1 but sometimes even several, cleaning the house as well. Nowadays we have freezers and a fridge but back then you had to make everything yourself. Not to mention when you had to preserve food. The only way back then was canning it. There really was no choice back then as there was no choice the several thousand years before. Now that we do have it everything seems to go to hell with society.

I'm going to take farmers as example. Often times the man did the work outside of the house while the wife did everything inside. Back then you simply just split the work in two instead of everyone does everything. If one of them needed help they did help each other.

[DishLady]

@RiseofArtemis Good point, but the times were glamorized by one or two select high school level required readings and have led to a trend now that leads to questions and perspectives like the one we're currently addressing.

[sheikalana]

If you understand the true definition of the traditional male and female roles in a marriage you'll understand is not brainwashing, however, people especially women started taking advantage of men's money and that's things look a bit messed up at the moment.

Men/Husband works hard to bring money home he is the provider and makes sure the wife and kids have what they need.

Women/Wife is the one who takes care of the house, cleans, cooks and makes sure there's always a home cooked meal for her Husband and kids amongst other things.

Masculinity has to be earned while femininity has to be protected.

Golddiggers think all they have to do is take their clothes off and benefit from that but they don't want to be real wives. They don't want to do the cleaning, cooking or take care of their Husbands.

A lot of immature men think that all they need to do is spend tons of money on women in order to get them.

[DextroShade]

Traditionally how it worked was the man protected and provided while the woman cooked, cleaned, and looked after his their children. These women married their men as young virgins, submitted to them, and obesity and divorce were very uncommon.

Nowadays women still expect a man to protect and provide but they are usually fat, ran-through, have bad attitudes, don't cook or clean, have kids by some other guy (s) and don't want to submit. They want traditional woman benefits without actually being a traditional woman, but it doesn't work that way and men increasingly aren't having it.

[handsomelad70]

It likely begins with the prom where (the hottest, most popular) girls get their dates (their dates' father, usually) to spend lavishly on dresses, jewelry, the limousine, even the corsage and bask in the attention of being the belle of the ball. It continues to dates where men try to impress their woman with pricey dinners and other girlfriend perks, right through the wedding where the bride is the only person who matters while the groom is simply incidental to the ceremony, and throughout many marriages.

[Kinkyhubby]

It goes back to the old days, when people could live one on salary. The men went to work to earn the money, their wife's stay home to tale care of the house, raise the kids, and make the meals. Marriage was about bring 2 people together, and taking care of each other. The wives weren't lazy back then.

[katiesmuff]

Well if you think keeping a house clean, planning and preparing meals, doing the shopping, keeping kids clean and dressed properly along with making sure they safely get to school and back is living of your partners pay cheque it's you who has been brainwashed!

[sudoers]

House wife is a job.

[Apple1996]

Because most women do other things to benefit the relationship besides contribute financially.

Like I'm a stay at home mom to almost 5 kids. Our family is getting more out of me staying home then if I worked considering it would cost over 800$ a day for my kids to be in a daycare☠️ so it's definitely not living freely when I'm the one providing a more expensive service daily then he could even afford

[sawno]

Also forgets the importance of teaching the values to your children, if you hand them off they get raised to the values of someone else. Raising children should never be underestimated.

[Apple1996]

@sawno exactly kids need a available parent to be there and teach them about life. Sending a kid off to daycare creates all sorts of emotional separation issues. Which I have to imagine messes with them into adulthood

[gorydetails]

How is it living freely? We are partners. I go to work. She maintained the home and raised the children so they didn't have to be in daycare. My genetic line benefitted. I have yet in 25 years to clean a toilet or wash a towel.

[molonski2]

Think it depends on the circumstances , some guys want housewives , home keepers , childcare givers and the like , I take the point though , if he didn't want them to be a home keeper and this was only the females wish then you have a problem.

Personally my preference would always to be having the girlfriend contributing though her own work , rather than just being " her indoors " , but thats just me , nothing against those who prefer otherwise , for sure.

[PeachyPie93]

lol my ex was fine with that setup. But I never asked for much and he liked having me around, so why not? Plus his dad bought his house for him so things were fine. The only ones who hate that setup are if the guy doesn't make enough and if the woman really has nothing to offer in the relationship besides spending his money.

[Mr_twoface]

It's not brainwashing, either the women are raising the kids (which itself is a full-time hardworking job), or they fulfill their fantasies and/of lifestyle and in bedroom and/or allows the men to freely enjoy themselves and they look the other way. In all scenarios, it's a win-win for all parties involved.

[OfMiceandMen]

I have no clue why someone would think it's okay to live off another person. Just seems like pure laziness to me, which is not exactly a redeeming quality.

My parents taught me that I have to contribute to the cause and they also said that whomever I date/marry should too.