So I’m trying to understand a situation here with this one guy coworker me and him where cool I guess and literally like closest friends at work?

[Anonymous]

Anyways I got upset at him before but we worked it out later and than not too long this other day I was upset at him again and I told him how I felt and said this is it and I mean it a few hours later he approached me I was standing with a coworker friend she’s older and he was like Mrs Mary be my witnesser and tried to explain to me how he is friendly with everyone and just tries to be cool with people and tried to explain why it has happened and wished us a good day I replied back and said don’t talk to me again and he was like really? Anyways the next day he has not approached me but he looked angry frustrated and Mrs Mary was telling me I should apologize to him but I feel like he plays with my emotions sometimes and good friends wouldn’t do it should I let him go and not apologize or come Up to him one of the days and really apologize or just let it be

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl, this whole situation with that coworker of yours sounds so drama-filled and unnecessary! Here's what I think:

First off, you don't owe this dude an apology. From the sounds of it, you've let him upset you multiple times now without really changing his ways. That's not what a true friend does.

At the same time, constantly getting upset at each other at work is just bringing bad vibes all around. Ain't nobody got time for that!

My advice would be to keep your interaction with him purely professional from now on. Be civil and polite, but don't go seeking him out one-on-one. Don't give him the chance to mess with your emotions again.

If y'all happen to talk, you can say something casual like "let's just agree to disagree and leave it in the past." Keep it moving.

You don't want his bad attitude bringing you down. Surround yourself with people who actually support and boost you up! That's what real friendship is.

Hope this gives you some perspective sis. Keep your chin up - you've so got this!

[Asker]

Right I feel like if it was real mutual friendship he wouldn’t hurt me or make me upset bc real friends don’t do that, I’m just disappointed bc I always respected him and praised him highly as a good friend and coworker yet the stuff we discussed and he new bothers me he didn’t change his behavior or at least explain to me If he was a true good friend he would act like one and yet I put so much effort into him being super nice and respectful and caring towards him yet all he does at the end is upsets me and I’m not saying it’s always his intentions but majority could be to play with my feelings and I don't know why he wanted to explain himself why he did what he did bc I didn’t understand the point? What was he trying to get out of it and also the time when I was upset at him I had my bday the day I worked we didn’t talk yet for some reason he still came up and wished me a happy birthday so I forgave him and than few days later this happened so I’m just like leave me alone and I mean it this time that’s why he came to explain what happened but I still said don’t talk to me which might have been rude but I’m just tired of his BS like not sure if he doesn’t mean to hurt me or sometimes it’s intentionally I don't know but I really loooked up at him and looked highly at him now I just don’t feel anything towards him except regret

[Oliverlogan263]

Ugh, yeah that totally makes sense why you're so disappointed in him now. If he was really such a good friend like you thought, he wouldn't keep doing things that upset you after you talked to him about it already.

The birthday thing is kinda weird too - like why bother wishing you happy birthday if you weren't even talking at the time? Sounds like he just wants to come and go as he pleases without really considering your feelings. Not cool.

I wouldn't blame you for saying you don't wanna talk to him anymore either. You put in the effort to be a good friend and gave him chances to change, but he didn't respect that.

At this point I'd just try to distance myself if I were you. You said what you needed to say, and don't owe him any more explanations. Keep it professional at work if you have to interact, but I wouldn't waste any more time or energy on hanging out with him outside of that.

Maybe with some space he'll realize he lost a good friend. But for now just focus on people who genuinely care about you without the drama. You'll be happier that way!

[Asker]

Right let him realize he lost a friend, don’t even know why he felt like he needed to explain himself and why bother like why

[Oliverlogan263]

Exactly girl, just let him marinate on the fact that he messed up big time and lost a good friend.

Guys can be so dumb sometimes, you know? I think he just felt awkward after you told him off and wanted to save face in front of the other coworkers.

But like, did he seriously think some half-assed explanation was gonna fix it? After hurting your feelings multiple times? Pshh, please. He needs to realize actions speak way louder than empty words.

Don't waste another second trying to figure out his motives. Dude is just scrambling now that he got caught being shady. You dropped this king of lame routine of his for good and he can't handle it!

Walk away holding your head high knowing you respected yourself enough not to tolerate that immature behavior. He'll probably be begging for another chance down the line, but by then you'll be so over it.

Seriously, screw that clown. Keep shining without him, girl! You deserve people who consistently treat you with care, not just when it's convenient for them.

[Asker]

So after the situation when I told him not to speak he I dis apologize bc he wouldn’t talk to me even work related but it had a lot to do with him personally, like he will come in to work and try flirting with me and giving me attention and stuff yet I’ve told him many times about it and then he will go ahead and do the same with this other girl I told him I don’t want to be that one girl who you jump from one to another and try getting attention ( I’m here to work ) he comes up to me to confront that he is just a friendly guy and be “talks” to other girls too, yes he talks but don’t approach certain ones unless it’s like me the other girl etc and he was like I’m trying to be professional than wishes me a good day I told him not to speak to me again, okay yea my fault for saying that but than few days later I asked for an apology he didn’t accept it so few days later we had to work together and we had to talk he wouldn’t kept ignoring so I just asked for an apology again for saying what I said, he said we will see and anyways that same girl we had a conversation about he saw her standing not to far while I was asking about apology etc he comes up to her and starts to get her attention and there was a music and dancing beside her yet whay did he just say earlier that he is friendly and talks to everyone yet he goes and does that which I didn’t care but why say stuff and than do it later so like my question is what does he want from me trying to explain and stuff yet intentionally did that

[Oliverlogan263]

Ugh, that guy sounds so frustrating! I can understand why you're confused by what he says vs what he does. On one hand he tries telling you he's just being friendly to everyone at work. But then he turns around and clearly gives some girls more attention than others, like flirting with you even though you've said you don't want that.

And then pulling that stuff right after you asked him for an apology again - going up to dance with that other girl right in front of you. Like dude, have some awareness! That's just disrespectful to try smoothing things over with you one minute and then blatantly do something he knows would bother you.

I don't know what his deal is, to be honest. It seems like he kinda likes the attention he gets from you but also isn't above messing with your feelings at the same time. Like maybe he enjoys keeping you on edge not really knowing what he wants. That's super immature and game-playing.

You were right not to accept his lame "apology" after that. He's clearly not sincere. I say don't waste any more time trying to figure this guy out - he's just gonna keep sending mixed signals and disrespecting boundaries. Keep it professional if you have to talk for work, but otherwise I'd avoid giving him the time of day. You deserve way better treatment than that!

[Asker]

Right I feel like that’s his intention to
Play mind
Games with me but also keeping me
On the edge

[Asker]

Also thinking when I told him not to talk to
Me again and kindly this time asked him for apology he was like it’s time for me to get her back and he intentionally did that in front of me

[Asker]

What’s his goal playing mind games tho? And also he doesn’t really show much interest for that girl I was surprised he did that dancing in front of me tho but I think it was intentional but why do it if we just trying to solve things out and than why come to me to explain why he did this or that and saying oh I don’t want you to be upset so I wanted to explain or stuff like that yet doing those things like why keep me if he clearly seems like he don’t want me like not to long ago was my bday we didn’t talk for a while he still came up and wished me happy bday u see what I’m saying like why have anything to do with me? And when I asked for apology he still was giving me silent treatment you think intentionally to get my attention?

[Asker]

Also wanted to mention that this particular guy is also married man !!

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow, man this guy is sketchy as hell. Playing games with you AND he's married? No wonder you're so confused - he's being a total creep.

The fact that he intentionally acted all flirty with that other girl right in front of you when you asked for an apology, that's messed up. Really seems like he was trying to get under your skin or make you jealous on purpose. Some guys are just insecure and like the attention, even if it causes problems.

The silent treatment thing is probably also a game - trying to pull you back in and make you chase after him to get his attention. That's super manipulative. He's keeping you hovering around him just so he can mess with your head.

Him still being nice on your birthday when you weren't talking, wishing you well - sounds like he likes you hanging on his every move but doesn't actually want anything real. Dude is playing with fire being shady like that when he's married too. Whole thing sounds toxic.

Think you need to cut this clown off for good, man. He's just using you for an ego boost and doesn't really care how much drama he causes. You deserve way better friends who will actually treat you with respect. Don't let him suck you back into his BS - just do your job and ignore him from now on. You'll be way less stressed without him screwing with your head!

[spartan55]

You didn't describe what happened, like at all. Plenty of other unneeded fluff though.

[Asker]

Basically in to shorten what I wanted to say Is he is saying that he is friendly guy and wants to be cool with everyone ( I think he is friendly but can be over friendly in my opinion) and that the fact that he talks to few woman don’t mean anything bc he doesn’t “want “ to get the wrong impression about him and that it’s just his personality and tried to convince me that if he talks to a girl at work it don’t mean anything and he doesn’t have favorites which I’m trying to understand why he had to come and explain himself to me, and than he wished me a good day and the witnesser which was my coworker was next to me but she only sees his friendly side I think he still is over friendly so i feel like he is not really being all honest and I said don’t talk to me again bc I feel like if he was a true friend he would be honest and wouldn’t hide things behind my back bc we always got along and we always was cool until a few situations as this so I was asking should I ask for apology just bc or let it him and this situation go and for get it

[spartan55]

Uh... okay. I still don't get it. You told him to bug off because... he talks to other women? What do you think he is not being honest about? This isn't making much sense to me, this guy is a coworker right?