Do you throw a person's confidential details back in their face just to win an argument?

[DishLady]

Because my line of work requires strict confidentiality rules, I don't throw confidential details about a person in their face when I'm arguing with them. It's a low-blow, it's very hurtful, and it's an abuse of their confidence in me.

HOWEVER, I've learned that there's NO END to how much of a person's dirty laundry some guys and gals are willing to hang out there for the world to see... especially on social media, blogs, etc. It's a completely deplorable and unethical thing to do. Anything they know about the other person is fair game -- and the aim is to overshare about THEM before they have the chance to share anything about you.

Personally, though I've watched folks do this to me, I won't return the slander because I still maintain that such things are toxic and abusive... and I don't have that sort of personality.

But I'd like to open the floor to this discussion. What do you guys and gals think?

[DizzyDesii]

No and it irks me that a lot of people do this. THIS is why i dont call people “friends” and just have acquaintances and associates. Because during an argument, its their first go to, especially the female “friends”. I dont trust women, not even my mom, sister and grandma. I’ve seen it all. My future daughter (s) are the only girls who stand a chance at this point of being trusted by me. My trust in women was always declining but things that happened 2006, 2009/2010, 2016, and 2019 pretty much set it in stone for me. My trust in men started declining around 2009/10, 2019, 2023/24 and i hardly trust my “bestie” aka my grandpa now as well as my fave uncles. Only a romantic interest could still stand a chance of gaining my trust and possibly sharing a friendship (unless the relationship ends then that friendship goes to the trashbin with it). Life is so much better without the friendship label tho cause mfs (99.99% of men and women) really can't be trusted longterm. I can’t think of one person who hasn't thrown shit back in my face. I keep “receipts” but only if accused of something and i like to prove otherwise in our texts. But when they choose to throw low blows because they weakass is losing the argument and have no other comebacks is simply that… weak

[DishLady]

Oh, my gramps was my crypt keeper. There's nothing he didn't know about me. It was always harder to share with anyone else once he passed.

[DizzyDesii]

My grandpa tells all my biz to my grandma if he gets mad at me, so yea i dont trust anyone to keep anything secret

[DishLady]

Aww. :(

Sorry. (As they get older they tend to do that, esp to their wives, who THEY trust implicitly. Still, I’m sorry that happens for you.)

[DizzyDesii]

He doesn't trust her at all. He and her gossip when they dont get their way

[TheRealPepperPotts]

No, because that isn't winning. That's blackmailing and manipulating. Besides, my goal isn't to win anyway, it's to promote understanding and communication between the other person and myself. If I can accomplish that, even if we still disagree, that's a win in my mind.

[HawkPerception]

Never. What people share with me, I'll never use in an argument against them because they shared that in full faith. I know what it's like to be at rock bottom in terms of self esteem and share all my insecurities with someone and would hate for it to be used against me, so I follow the golden rule... treat others how you want to be treated. That will never change for me.

However, I do tend to use my observations of people's character in arguments. And I'm not afraid to disagree with others on matters that conflict with my values.

[DishLady]

Same.

[MicahRaine]

No, I don't do that.

I have watched my family members do this to each other and me repeatedly, and want no part in it. It is one of the main reasons I have begun to distance myself from family and not tell them what's going on in my life.

[DishLady]

Same.

[MicahRaine]

Yep. Can you count hoe many times they complained about you not telling them what's going on? 😂

[MicahRaine]

*how

[OlderAndWiser]

I, too, work in a field in which confidentiality is essential. I have had a few partners who aired our dirty laundry in a non-private forum and they are all now exes. I would never do the same thing to them as I would then be no netter than them. Get down to wrestle with pigs; get up covered in mud.

[Dinklex3]

I usually just smile and laugh. It does a great job of pissing them off because they always know what they’re saying is dumb and have no right to criticize others. They get embarrassed all on their own and your don’t have to say a thing 💁🏾‍♀️

[NathanDavis]

I don't even have socials, lol...

and this is one of the top five reasons not to have socials myself...

a lot of people who used to get along in person... ended up at war, online

[DishLady]

But not even on socials... I mean when you argue with someone.

[NathanDavis]

no, not in person either...

I don't really argue or fight much in person... friends, family, relatives... all very chill, fortunately

as for strangers... that's just Karens and people who I don't really know, so I just walk away and go on my way, lol

[Abbycado]

Nope, I would never share something confidential in any circumstance.

[DishLady]

Not sharing... but throwing back something they shared with you...

[Abbycado]

Nope. Still wouldn't do it. I am above blackmailing people. There are better ways to handle it.

[DishLady]

Agreed.

[DrPepper12]

There's some laundry you don't air even for the devil himself. Mature, well adjusted people know this. If you were trusted in confidence, no matter how much you hate them now there some things you just don't do. This is one.

[OfMiceandMen]

If they confide in me with those personal details then I never use it against them. I think using something like that against someone shows poor judgement and character.

[legalboxers]

thats childish... and petty... how most folks are

[DishLady]

I know. I was floored to see it happening … from someone older than me who claims to have been hurt by precisely that argumentative style… Guess he likes it enough to use it.

[SpeedAnswerDemon]

I knew a girl back in middle school who liked making AI generated photos of me and her together (even though I fucking hated her) and when she slapped me, I brought it up in front of everyone including her mom. then, I'm pretty sure people who know me can guess what I did.

(threw her over a fence)

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

No, I would never do that to anyone.

[Yannae]

I stick to the topic, the argument. The moment you go off road, you have lost.

[exitseven]

I do not engage in that sort of thing.

[worldscolide]

Hell no. Nor does my wife thank God.

[sirderpsalot123]

I wouldn't do that

[Dongie]

Ok. What you said.

[DishLady]

That’s my point… I don’t say… and I prefer not to argue tbh. But some folks really love to sling the dirt around, you know?

[Dongie]

Tell me. I get it periodically. Like Dr. Pepper I get it at 10, 2, and 4.

[DishLady]

Lol.

[LiamJHayden]

Not my style.

[eagle1951]

never