Do people actually chase you more when you stop being so nice?

Question

I have this sensitive and sweet side of mine and I do attract people easily but I feel like things don’t deepen much when I am showing that side.

On the other hand, I have kind of feisty and blunt and detached and careless side too, as soon as I get into it, the exact those men start chasing me harder.

What do you guys even want? When I am being a good person you don’t appreciate it, I guess I should just be my detached self unless they earn the sweetness.

loveslongnails · Accepted Answer

Guys who seem to like you better when you disregard them are only interested in the chase, not the capture. They like the sizzle, but don't care about the steak. If they "win" you over, they'll give you away like a stuffed animal from a contest they won at an amusement park. Guys like that may seem intrigued, or even intriguing, but they're just game players and once they "get you", the game is over.

Personally, I think you should the person you are at your core without doing any calculations about how to present a certain personality. That's too much work and it's disingenuous. You can still be sensitive and sweet AND be a bit mysterious at the same time. The right kind of men like mystery more than straight up aloofness or apathy. Those are the guys you want to attract.

NathanDavis · Accepted Answer

most, well... all of the women I've met and "been with" have had more than just "one side" or "one way of being"

none of them have been the same thing 100% the whole time... when you really know someone, you get to know all of their moods or most of them, anyway

and so... what you just described, seems to be the most normal thing for me

so, what do I want as a guy? from a girl?

just be yourself, and feel free to be your every way of being, feel your ever mood... as long as they're all genuine, that's more than fine with me (no pretending, lol)

PessicaJeter · Accepted Answer

I feel like this really just depends on the guy, and what type of women they are into. I've had guys that really like that sometimes I can come off as a bit cold, and others where that's been a problem in our relationship.

7Phoenix7 · Accepted Answer

It depends on who it is…  Some people take your kindness and gentleness for something that it’s not. And they deserve la femme fatale lol Good people appreciate your soft side and respect it. 🩵

1WildBeatlejuice · Answer

I would say it greatly depends on what do you want and like some said I would say most guys want a woman who will speak their mind give their honest opinion not take shit not be a beioch or anything but don’t tuck your tail some of them might even be turned on if you threaten to kick them in the balls 🙈🥜😂🤣 judging by your name  La Femme Fatale's you might fit right in with the dominant side and telling them what you want them to do or else they get the hose 🤣😂 tell them you are going to grab them by their buttons and squeeze until they squeal like a pig lol you can go that approach and have them on their knees for you lol you might be surprised how many would do exactly what you told them if you whispered in a guy’s ear get on your knees and spread your legs so I can kick you lol I can can say you might be surprised at how many you can put on their knees to kiss your feet and be at your service I’m a bad influence to women who want control or women who want me 🙈😂😂😂

Summeroflove · Answer

Not genuine people. Genuine people don’t like being treated like shit it signals very low self respect and typically toxicity goes both ways so someone who enjoys toxic relationships are generally toxic themselves. Talking people who seek out those relationships….. also some people chase validation they aren’t really chasing a person. Their egos hurt….. that’s why they pursue someone that isn’t into them…. Or they’re really desperate. Or obsessed.

Being desperate isn’t being nice. It’s just wanting a relationship for the sake of a relationship regardless of if there is genuine attraction…. A person with self respect knows that if someone they precejve as better comes along they’ll jump immediately.

Brokenheartedx · Answer

I'm nice and it got me nowhere, I work with vulnerable adults and due to my empathetic nature taken advantage of by trying to see the good in everyone which has led me to become vulnerable esp around men who see me as gullible it's just left me broken and bitter and have zero trust in anyone I'm also screaming with anger inside mostly at myself. It takes its toll eventually

Levin · Answer

I am pondering dating dynamics at the moment. Part of me is aware of this, aware of all the games.

I don't think I want to partake in it though.

I have some faith, that with the right person, no facade is necessary. Maybe I'm naive though.

Of course, teasing always builds tension. Boundaries are important. I'm not saying be a pushover.

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

Everyone wants a good person they can relate to. But many people will settle for someone they can manipulate.

I have a friend who has the same problem and we've been working on figuring out how she can live her life with both sides in a way that feels practical and honest. It's been going great.

Master_Debator · Answer

Oddly, yes actually. I've had chicks that I thought just hate me want to blow me as soon as I tell them to STFU. It's like my hatred of them was the only thing that was missing and now they want me inside them after I called them names.

I don't get it... just how some chicks are I guess.

Tarifa · Answer

It's not a question of attitude, more a question of personality. When men are dating or flirting, we want to know the real you, not the one you might pretend to be. I guess that works both ways.

Of course, we do have an image of you when we first meet. That image might be close to your true self, or far removed. We also like a little challenge and a fair dosis of surprise. That makes knowing you even more interesting.

RavVid · Answer

The same psychology applies to girls and guys. Basically we don't value what is commonly available and isn't scarce. If you have to work at something you value it more than if it is just there for you to pick up.

To me it is FITH. Genuinely nice girls are actually rare and are what I go for.

KostasKouvalis · Answer

I guess it depends on the guy. I don't know that sounds weird to me, especially if she behaved that way towards ME, it certainly wouldn't make me chase her more. I actually have more respect for girls who have a bit of feist, as long as that feist isn't directed towards me. I can be a bit of an asshole, and I don't need sweet goodie-two-shoes SJWs scolding me for it.

molonski2 · Answer

I'm 100 % sure that's works , it's happened to me , and I have also done myself , I think enjoying the challenge.

Tomislav7 · Answer

Women love to give me attitude, when i was younger i thought they were rude turns out many times she's trying to give off confidence or match ur vibe. It usually melts away with a smile or comment.

PolarPoint · Answer

I think men are attracted to brave women who can clearly say what’s right and wrong, even if it means raising their voice when necessary, and who aren’t afraid of losing someone. I think It is chase

Iron_Man · Answer

Yes, it works on me the more tougher you are the more you become a challenge for me then I become the hunter and then it makes me come to you

Still-alive · Answer

If they're attracted to your or attached yeah. also if they are anxiously attached, attachment style

MrChinaski · Answer

I like it when we chase each other. My window for unrequited chasing is about 2 weeks. Then I just get bored and move on. Showing interest and affection is good, but trying to change someone is unhealthy. You know early enough.

ironsteelbirade · Answer

Depends, some people really enjoy a chase though and when that stops they are happy to have the prize but interest may decline, moreso in men actually.

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Answer

It sounds like the kind of men you want enjoy being told what to do

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

I dont know why but its true people like me more when im not nice

gymFreakRomanticAss · Answer

This is so weird psychology. I totally get you. Maybe men enjoy chasing hard to get women?

MicahRaine · Answer

Unfortunately some people are that way. I'm not friends with them lol

Grond21 · Answer

I am a man, and we don't get chased. Sorry, I can't relate

genericname85 · Answer

I don't know. maybe if you're a woman. if you're a man, nobody gives a shit about you.

AngryCarl3 · Answer

Maybe. I can't be an asshole long enough to find out.

Sinanpy · Answer

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Nikki1989 · Answer

The snub doesn't work.

TylerDurdenn · Answer

Niceness is weakness in peoples subconscious

Ariesman81Nshiiit · Answer

Yeah? Where's your ring?

Anonymous · Answer

I agree with you

Anonymous · Answer

Depends on what kind of people.

Do people actually chase you more when you stop being so nice?

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Do people actually chase you more when you stop being so nice?

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