'Someone who keeps you guessing is not worth your time'?

[Anonymous]

I was talking to my mom today, and she said this to me.

I'm not sure how I feel about this quote. For example, if I am just getting to know someone and they don't give me all the signs, they could be shy or just waiting for me to make the next move. But my mom says, then that means he's not worth my time, because if he DID like me enough, he would not keep me guessing.

This is for both guys AND girls, what would you think if you were in my shoes? Is a girl/guy who keeps you guessing worth your time?

[Scoopie]

Okay, so why should it always be the guy to come forward? Why is there a double standard here? So if the guy doesn't make it clear, he doesn't like you enough, but when the girl doesn't make it clear she gets away with it? Seriously? It's the 21st century, I encourage emancipation, equal rights.

Ladies, I'm sure you have also had doubts about a guy you liked. So what did you do? You probably waited to see if he liked you and did nothing. Guys can be shy too. If both parties wait, nothing happens. Sometimes I think how many great guys my female friends have seen come and go with the guy not initiating anything, but my friends wouldn't either. It makes me sad.

The argument "if he DID like me enough" is invalid. "Someone who keeps you guessing" doesn't say much, maybe you do the same to him which makes him insecure?

So, consider looking to buy a book. How do you pick the book? Only Do you only judge the cover without reading anything? I'd say you'll at least read the back-cover, if possible take a look at the inside. Scout the papers and internet for reviews. You try to find out if this is a book you'll want to read.

The same goes with guys: you have to get to know the guy in order to find out if you want him. Same thing for the guy, he has to actually get to know you before he knows you're worth it. He's also human, just like you. You don't just walk into a bookstore and pick out a random book! Or let me put it into an analogy more appropriate to women: when you go buy shoes, you try them on, to see how they feel and look (it's a review) and maybe you ask your friends for opinions (another review).

So he is shy, try to encourage him a bit and give him the opportunity to get to know you better. Only then he'll be more ascertained as to whether you're worth it or not. He can't be sure by just looking at you, or do you want a guy that's only into you because of your looks?

Your mom is probably a wonderful women, you ask her for advice which means she is there for you. That's great and you are blessed with that. But, your mom is also from a previous generation and things have changed by now. Girls nowadays can actually walk up to the guy and initiate the conversation, or they can tell the guy about how they feel first, there's no punishment to that ;)

[Asker]

Just wanted to clarify, I was asking the question in regards to both girls and guys and was definitely not implying a double standard. As a guy, if a girl keeps you guessing, is she worth your time? I completely agree that itshouldn't always have to be the guy who makes a move :)

[Scoopie]

That depends on the girl, you can't answer such a specific question in a general way. If I have strong enough feelings for her, then she's definitely worth my time - even though she keeps me guessing. I want to give her the opportunity to get to know me and show her that I care about her.

But in this case the girl is shy. If she's doing it intentionally, playing hard to get, then it's a turnoff and she's not worth it.

[Scoopie]

There are many reasons why someone keeps you guessing. Sometimes it's not intentional. You're not taking that into account. What if he likes you, but doesn't know you enough and that's the reason why he's not sure about you? I've known girls that kept me guessing, but I still tried to get to know her better and give her the opportunity to get to know me. The guessing stopped, because we found out whether or not we liked each other.

Why don't you tell him, instead of you waiting for him to do so.

[MSamu3l]

There is a difference between someone who keeps you guessing and someone who is shy. If you are sure a guy is intentionally keeping you guessing, then that's a different thing, and it's not really worth your time.

[pr3ttybr0wn]

If you have to ask if a guy likes you, he doesn't like you enough to be worried about him. If he keeps you guessing then he's more than likely playing games. You can tell when a shy guy likes you, especially when you're getting to know each other. Mama's right, keep your options open.

[quantumdefender]

um, I disagree, men are always told "women don't like needy men" usually when I told a girl I liked her, she always responds with "lets just be friends"

[pr3ttybr0wn]

Maybe it wasn't because you came off needy

[Anonymous]

Means they are shy and aren't as open as others abo there feeling, not necessarily not worth your time

[imperatriz]

Your mom is completely right, you should mind her advice.

[armydude]

There's this girl in one of my classes I like that I get kind of shy around. Doesn't mean I don't like her,it actually means the exact opposite. But if he's keeping you guessing on purpose I'm not sure.