Nobody Can Ever Really Understand What You're Going Through
It almost feels like every time you talk to someone a little voice in the back of your mind is yelling "please help me, I'm so alone, I'm losing my mind!". But you can't exactly explain it to anybody, because you feel like they won't believe you or that they'll think you're weak. It's like you keep trying to reach out but every time you do, reality reaches out and punches you in the face to shut you up. It's agony.
The Feeling Doesn't Come and Go
The best way to describe it is that feeling when you almost fall backwards in a chair when tilting to far, or just barely trip down the stairs. But it isn't sudden. It's constant. You are constantly tipping back in your chair, and the front legs of it are never touching the ground.
Sleep is Hell
Sleep becomes a difficult task. Insomnia becomes accepted as normal to you, because it becomes routine. And when the disorder progresses, bed time become a painful countdown to panic. You start to really feel your heart palpitations, bad thoughts run through your head constantly, and you feel panic rise in your throat for no particular reason. When you can't control these feelings you start to bawl. You start crying your heart out. A common feeling is that you could die in your sleep, so you stay awake crying for as long as you can until your mind can't handle any more and you pass out from exhaustion.
Alcohol Becomes An Easy Way Out
A common misperception is that sad/stressed/anxious/depressed people drinking on their own, but that isn't always the case. Sometimes the solution to your feelings is to cling to people and drink with them. Attempting to free your mind and be happy and have a good time. You start to do this too often, and it begins to make you feel emptier.
Whether you are alone or in a crowd you constantly feel stuck inside your own head. You feel suffocated by yourself. And with your anxiety comes anger, often an anger at people who don't understand you (see above), which makes you close people off and you start feeling like you have no friends. It is a consistent cycle, and you can't stop it.
You Can't Concentrate On Anything, But You Need To Be Doing Something
You find it incredibly difficult to concentrate on simple things, like reading or the movie you're watching. You also feel very aggitated by doing nothing, so you continuously keep switching tasks back and forth, trying to find something to do with yourself, but you get bored of them, stressed out by them, or simply uncapable of keeping focus on the task.
The World Seems To Be Tearing Apart
It feels like everything in your life is pointless and falling apart; like everything you do is worthless and insufficient. You constantly play the words "what's the point?"
My point in this is for anyone who feels this way to know, you are not alone. And for everyone to watch for signs of a person who could be feeling this way, they need you, don't let them down.
Here is a link for anyone who needs someone to talk to, https://stinto.net/y8t4b