I have an eating disorder but I'm not ready to kick it?

[Anonymous]

I have recently come to terms with the fact that I am an anorexic.

I denied I had a problem for a long time. I've had people come up to me telling me I looked good for getting in shape. But for the last year their comments haven't been along the "looking good" lines and more along the "you're so skinny I can see your bones" lines. I thought they were being silly but the other day I actually saw myself, like really saw myself and I didn't like it.

My boyfriend has been dropping hints at thinking I was anorexic for over a year and I never believed him. But I read some articles about the condition and I qualify. Like a lot.

But I'm not ready to kick it yet?

I'm in this limbo where I've acknowledged that I have a problem and I need to fix it but I'm not ready.

Is that okay?

I keep thinking that today will be the day I change and eat more but I hate myself for eating more and then I hate myself for not eating more and it's a very upsetting place to be. It's a mind game. I am all set to eat but all I see are calories when I look at food and I keep telling myself that I need them but then I count how many there actually are and I freak out and don't eat them all.

I'm well below the healthy weight range for my height so it's gotten beyond just a mental issue and it has turned physical. It became a physical problem, if I'm being honest, four years ago.

Thoughts? Advice?

[timeversestears]

I have been suffering with anorexia for eleven years ( eleven years of relapse/ quasi recovery) and I can tell you right now that you will NEVER feel 'ready' to recover. You will never feel sick enough, thin enough and you will never wholeheartedly want to give up the starvation, the rules and the control that appear to keep you safe. But you MUST seek help, please I beg you. There is a higher chance of recovery if the illness is spotted and treated relatively early on. I am now in REAL recovery and I can see just how much anorexia has taken from me. All those years I thought I was doing the right thing by giving into it I was actually destroying my life. I have a very limited social circle, am only beginning my career now at the age of 25, I have to live with the possiblity of being infertile and have missed out on experiences that other people my age have had. Anorexia will destroy your life. Get help asap, please. Recovery is the hardest thing you will ever do, but it will be worth it.

[BeeNee]

To be direct on this, no it's not okay that you are unhealthy. You know this which is probably the root of this question. I applaud you for recognizing you are sick, but doing so and then doing nothing about it does not help you one bit. I mean, I can see I have a flat tire, and say I know I have a flat tire, but not fixing that tire is not going to help me get to my destination any faster. I think you are in a stage where you need to stop trying to analyze and solve your own problems and seek the help of a professional who can help guide you to the place you need to be. You simply may not have the tools in your toolbox just yet to be able to fully be able to work on you by yourself, and that bit, is the part that is okay, to not understand how to go about it or what to do about it because whether a person is anorexic or alcoholic, they sometimes, mostly all the time, need more help than they can give themselves.

[SirenDep]

The first step it to identify the problem. Now you have to take the decision to change it. Not thinking you 'll try but that you'll make it, however long it takes. You 'll need willpower and effort to do so, as well as support from your family, friends and boyfriend. Visiting a dietician or a psychologist is also a good idea.

You can't sustain your body functions with less than 1200 calories per day. That's a fact, it's scientifically proven, and any doctor you ask will confirm it. So aim to reach that number. Maybe you can gradually increase how much you eat until you reach it. Like, start with eating 500 calories more per day, do that for 2 weeks, then add another 500, etc.

Remember it's a good thing to put on some weight, you 'll be healthier.