i have depression and anxiety, but from the sounds of that its either you have manic depression that makes you think irrational thoughts or anxiety that makes you overthink and assume the worst scenarios, either way i feel for you, but it is all in your head.
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I have a terminal disease and sometimes I tell myself if I stop taking my medicine I will be cured. Still haven't had the courage to try it yet though
Paranoia like this is a symptom of many emotional disorders and can be brought under control with therapy and medication. Seek help and dont be embarrassed because you are not alone-you just need help understanding and overcoming these feelings.
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