Do you think I have a chance?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend of 9 years and father of my son recently told me that he did not want to be with me anymore. He said he thinks of me more like a best friend or sister than as a girlfriend. He says he loves me but there is no chemistry. He still wants us to live together for our son. Do you think things can change if I give him time and space? I am trying to lose weight to build my confidence and maybe this will make him want me in other ways than just a friend. Do you think I have a chance? should I give him time and space and just talk to him when it is about our son, should I ignore him. We still eat dinner together. Should I pretend that it is not bothering me that we are not together. I am just really confused on how 2 people that never fight and get along really well can break-up. Some best friends end up marrying each other. No idea!

[Endymion]

The one sure fire way to find out his true feelings for you is to start dating. Nothing reminds a man more who the target of his affection truly is than seeing said target become the object of affection for another man.

another question you might ask him is what exactly your situation is? you're separated but still living together. Will he be dating others? staying together for your child is admirable, but for junior to see mommy and daddy having intimate moments with outsiders could probably be just as damaging if not more damaging than mommy and daddy leaving each other all together.

improving your self image is great if you're doing it for you. If you're only doing it to gain his attention, and if it doesn't work you may end up finding yourself face deep in a gallon of rocky road. Again, my advice would be to buy yourself a new flattering outfit, and find a guy who exhibits strengths where your current beau has weaknesses. Let the old guy find out about the new guy without directly telling him, or in a way that doesn't look like you're trying to rub it in. If the old guy doesn't exhibit remorse in some form, then you know your probably don't have a chance at reconciliation. You're in a sticky situation and I wish you much luck in figuring it all out.

[jaykay]

Wow !

This is a tough one. I think you should try and work things out. just take baby steps and don't push him in any way.

Find out what is wrong, what would make both of you happy. Most of the time when there things happen its cause of. Money, Sex, weight, depression.

Find out what it is and work on it. just remember not to push, it will only push him further away.

Though on a important note, when and if the point comes when it really cannot happen. that is when you must move on in some way.

[Rafael151]

He doesn't want to be with you but you eat together? I guess when you have a kid together that leads to situations people wouldn't put themselves through otherwise. Weight loss can't hurt as I know it makes girls look much older than they need too. At least That's been the case for me. It's something to do for you and not just him. This is providing that you are not average weight now and looking to be skinny like a model. But you really need to get at why he feels like he does. maybe it's not about weight. Ask him what would get the chemistry going again in his view.

[Hercules]

This is horrible for you I can only imagine. He isn't pushing you away, so that's good. I'm not sure what you want from him in this relationship though. He clearly stated he doesn't look at you like a girlfriend, but he wants to stay together because he still has fun, and enjoys your company. Unless you don't want to accept this, I'd suggest just acting normally and give him space. There's no guarantee anything will change, but its worth a shot to lose weight and build confidence. Act normally around him but don't do anything sexual because I don't think he wants that anymore.

Try and get lots of advice because I've never been in a situation like this before and I'd hate to steer you wrong. I'm sorry this is happening and I hope it becomes better.