What does he want from me?

[Rikke]

I need help. There's this guy. He said he liked me, cared about me, wished I were there with him when we were apart, kissed me, looked me deeply in the eyes, and held me close. We talked about everything, and used every single opportunity to see each other. I never had a boyfriend before, and he never had a girlfriend. I was clear when I told him that I was looking for a relationship, and I thought that's what he wanted too. We were dating for over 4 months, and I fell for him. Hard. We slept together, the first time for both of us. He was the nicest to me, and he knew how much this meant to me. Letting him be my first. I trusted him, and I even let him meet my mom after his wish.

One day he says that it's time to become something more, and that we should talk about this the next time we meet. I were so happy, finally, he wanted to become something more! I had been waiting patient for this day to come. The next time we met we didn't talk about this, but we had the best time just enjoying each others company. Then, a week later, he tells me that he doesn't have any strong feelings for me, and that he wants to be f***-buddies?! I told him how my feelings was for him, and that I thought the best thing for me was to stop meet him, so that my feelings could disappear. He seemed like he thought I was kidding, and I told him I was serious. The worst is that he didn't even had the balls to tell me this in person, he wrote me this on FACEBOOK! I cried for weeks, and I still cry. After a while I couldn't resist it, I told him that I was regretting the things I said, and just wanted everything to be like before. He told me that we could be like before, and we decided to meet the same week. I was planning to talk with him, but I couldn't get myself to do it. I was so pissed, but still I had so much feelings, and everything was just like before. The way he looked at me hadn't changed, he kissed me, and seemed really into me like before. So I was stupid, I slept with him again. He probably just wants me for this one thing, but I can't help but thinking that he actually likes me, and cares about me. He is doing some sports, and is very serious with it, and I understand. Having a girlfriend could ruin all that. But I can't help but wonder if he's just to scared to having a commitment, or if he really doesn't have any feeling for me at all! The way he looks at me, and kisses me, I just can't believe he really doesn't mean it! I would do anything to make him like me. I've been crying for weeks. The day after I met him last time, he was just like before. Then I tried to talk to hum some days later, and he was acting really "care". He never says hey anymore, and it hurts so bad. I never realized how I felt about him before I loosed him. All I wanna do is to talk with him, but I can't get myself to do it. Sometimes I just want to be his f***-friend just to be with him. I feel like I have to tell him how I feel before I can move on. What's with him, and what to do?...

Updates

+1 y

I seriously need some advice, to me understand it all. I hate myself for being fine with letting him "use" me, but I can't let him go. We were good friends, and I don't wanna loose him as a friend too, cause I still care about him.

[JEG1988]

Hi there this is very familier to me..

When he says F*** buddies I'm sorry but he onlys wants to be that..

You need to turn the tables if you want to try an win his heart..

When he wants to you know, just politely make an excuse not to have you know?

And just leave on a polite note, or just go to sleep beside him, be strong an don't give in, only do it when you want it, not when he asks.

I learnt the hard way, the best you can do is play hard to get, make him work for it, I'm just learning that now.

Also some guys no matter how hard you try, they just will never commit, specially young ones or recently divorced ones.

Sorry its not that helpful but that's just what I've experianced.

I really hope it works out for you, nothing worse then a broken heart.

Kind regards,

JEG1988

[Rikke]

It was helpful, thanks!

I will try my best to be hard to get, he is gonna work real hard. Haha :)

[JEG1988]

Think you should defiantly let him go, all the people who have responded to you are right..

I really feel for you and I hope you keep your chin up, and remember you are much better than him.

All you need is good friends, family and maybe a puppy :)

Trust me get a puppy, my puppy's are grown, but when I was down they showed me how much I mattered to them..

They will always be there for you, I'm not saying replace men with a dog all together just saying that they are good for support, and comfort.

But don't give up looking for your soul mate, keep looking his defiantly out there.

Just will take a lot of heart ache to find him.

Good luck ;)

[woodbridge]

dont give him excuses. sports? that's not an excuse, I was really serious about sports too, 3 practices every day, and then a seperate training program on the side, but I still made time for my girl at the time, because she actualy mattered to me. he is using you for sex and doesn't really care about you. and your not fine with that or else you wouldn't be asking for advice. I know its hard to let go of him given the circumstances but that's what you have to do, just stop talking to him altogether and cut him out of your life so you can move on. out of sight, out of mind, and then after time you will be able to be his friend without having these feelings anymore

[Rikke]

I know you're right. I keep convincing myself that I'm fine without him, but when I see his face or his name, the reality about how hard I take this hits me. I'll try to cut him out of my life, I guess that's the best thing to do. Thanks for the answer, it helped :)

[woodbridge]

it won't be easy but it is the best thing you can do, hope it works out!

[DirtyDlish]

tell him I like what we do but lets keep it balanced I like that were just friends to

[Rikke]

Yeah, but it's hard. The one minute he talks a lot with me, the next he won't even look at me...

[DirtyDlish]

hes young mold him how you want without pushing. just show him what you like.

[Rikke]

Thanks for the advice :)

[caughtinthemiddle]

I don't think you should settle for something like that. If he really loves you, I mean SINCERELY, he would think of your feelings. That's how some people are, and sometimes people are opportunists. Do you really want to stick around just to be his F***friend? What if you wake up one day and he has a new girlfriend? Where would that leave you?

[Rikke]

True. I don't wanna stick around just to be his f***-friend, but if that's the only way I can be with him, I don't wanna go either. And that's why I'm mad at myself. I keep telling myself I'm over him and can be perfectly fine without him, and it works, until I see his face again...

That would leave me crying, and hurt, again. I know I should stop this, I don't know how.

[caughtinthemiddle]

Dearie, I've been through the same thing. You just have to be tough and hold it out until things get better.

It really REALLY REALLY is hard in the beginning but after a while it gets easier. You just have to keep what you want in mind. AND THAT IS NOT A F***-BUDDY relationship.

He might have been a good friend but that has changed now, you know that. He isn't even treating you like one so why value that kind of 'friendship'.

[Rikke]

Yeah, I guess I'll just have to be tough. I didn't even think about how he does'nt even treat me like a friend, thanks! What you worte helped a lot! :)