How to deal with people ridiculing you because of your appearance?

[Anonymous]

Throughout my life there have been instances of people making fun of me because I am short and have a very feeble body. I believe this is a genetic thing because my father and brother also look like that. Because of the nature of my job I have to tell a lot of people what to do and enforce my decisions upon others. Some people see this and think that I have a "Napoleon complex", as in I am trying to be assertive as a way of coping with my appearance. It is very humiliating to be told these things. Once a very attractive, well-built man told me something along the lines of "No amount of money will get you women with how disgusting you look". I'm not sure why he had to go out of his way to tell me that. I didn't say anything to offend him in the first place.

Should I actively try to change my appearance or is it better to just ignore it altogether? I could accept that I was dealt with genetics contributing to poor physical appearance and continue living the way I do. Many people respect me for who I am and that is good enough. Or is it really my duty to change my appearance as much as is within the realm of practicality? I have a very intense work schedule, about 50-60 hours per week are spent in the office. Outside of office, I try to cram in time for open source work and music. I have started gym and calisthenics but it just feels like a waste of time.

I am thinking that eventually someone will marry me because I earn well. Do I really need to be physically attractive for the sake of this person?

[Sonorous]

I believe this is totally up to you. What do you really want? If you want a better body, then keep doing the calisthenics. If not, then skip it.

However, I will say that people do take a man more seriously when he looks physically competent. But there are other things that are involved as well. For some, trying to change for others is not even worth the disadvantage it would cause them.

If someone were to ridicule me for my appearance & I agreed with them that it could be better, I'd try to make it better. But if I don't agree, then I won't try to change it. If I don't agree then it's not true from my perspective. And why entertain things that aren't true? They'd have to try harder than ridiculing me to get me to change or see their perspective as more true & good or ideal.

And I think you'll definitely find someone that will be attracted to you. I believe it's impossible not to.

[Asker]

I was not raised to think that having a good body is important. In fact as a child I didn't even know that looking the way I did would make me unattractive. I don't actually look "ugly". I am just a very small person. People often don't realize how old I am. When I go to a bank or a hospital I am asked if I am a minor, when I'm almost 25 years old.

People who know me well take me seriously. But people who don't know me yet, for example a newcomer at work, or a serviceman treat me impolitely sometimes. I often get harassed by taxi drivers. They seem to think that I'm a child trying to act like an adult.

My parents lived in a generation when in our country, just having a good job would guarantee you a wife. My father looked just like me but he got married at 25. For me finding a partner seems near impossible because I look like a kid.

What I feel bad about is that no one properly educated me about how many problems my appearance may cause when I was a kid. I came to realize very late in life that the way I look will cause problems like being unable to get married and being ridiculed. Being a small person is also a part of my identity that I've lived with throughout. Now trying to change it looks ridiculous because first of all it's very hard, and second I'm trying to be something I'm not.

[Sonorous]

Do you think you will be able to change in the ways you want to?

[Asker]

No, it's very hard. I need to consult a professional stylist or a dietician if I want to make significant changes to my appearance. Just watching YouTube workout videos won't change anything. And my height of 163 cm is something I have to just live with. I had a conversation about this with my brother and he said we can try to start looking "normal". Looking attractive is way beyond reach. If we look relatively "normal" we can still manage an arranged marriage somehow by our early 30s.

[Sonorous]

Ahh, well men can get away with a vast amount of styles. We don't have to doll ourselves up as much as women feel they have to. But even still, certain studies have shown that men who aren't top tier in attractiveness were rated higher when they were styled nicely & smelled nice. Can't go wrong with that.

[Truthatanycost]

You need to decide whether you are completely happy with how you look and who you are. But lets be real here. Genetics aside. If a person did the right form of training with progressive overload their body would respond. Genetics is often an excuse to allow complacency. Ultimately our bodies respond to environment. You could have a family of skinny people... but eat enough, consistently and be lazy enough... the 'environment' would trump those genetics. You are the one that decides, not your genetics.

If you are pushed for time you might want to invest in an Isochain and train with that at home.

But I would still suggest you read this book 'I Am Who the Bible Says I Am, I Have What the Bible Says I Have, I Can Do What the Bible Says I Can Do by Jake Provance'

There is a reason why media and everyone else tries to give you an identity.. nothing is as powerful as knowing the one God sees you as.

[BasedBaeBecca]

You should not accept people's ridicule about your appearance, but you should not change yourself for them either. If someone makes fun of your looks, you should ignore it and focus on your work, music, and working out. It is good that you have decided to go to the gym and do calisthenics as they will improve your confidence and mental health.

You don't have to be physically attractive for the sake of someone else, but it might help you find a partner and make them want to marry you. Try to improve yourself without focusing too much on the opinion of others.

[LazerBean]

If I thought I was an unattractive person, I would do things to improve myself because I wouldn't want to marry an unkept, ugly person either.

[ThatRandomOne]

ignore them. Not worth your time