Ladies, why do you NOT make eye contact to a guy walking by?

[cheesesteak7]

So ladies, if you're walking past a guy or a guy is walking past you...or you're both walking past each other, and you look straight/away/down the entire time, deliberately avoiding eye contact as you are the only 2 people in the area, is it definitively because you don't want him to talk to you? Is it some social norm you that you think is expected - not to acknowledge strangers? Is it shyness? Is it because you're pretentious?

I'm not asking why ladies do this in general, I'm sure it differs from girl to girl. Just curious about YOU posters specifically.

Updates

+1 y

It's interesting to see the variety of answers given. Predictable (shyness, lack of interest, focused elsewhere, avoiding awkwardness, intimidation, etc), but a nice good variety.


Makes me curious how many guys would just answer this with some generalizing, cynical answer, i.e. "she's stuck up" or "she's not interested."

[Anonymous]

It's not that we're not interested...

I grew up in a city and it really annoys me when every guy you pass by would smile and say "hi miss" or "hey beautiful" ..at the age of 13 it's just disrespectful. I'm from a conservative family so, eventually I grew up hating every stranger smiling at me because I honestly think all these guys are perverts who would just hit on a girl they happen to pass by.

But at 22, my opinion changed when one guy smiled at me and said "Good morning" ..that's the first time I honestly smiled back.. simply because his "style" is not disrespecting.

So if you guys want to get "her smile" back, pls DON'T STARE! That's creepy and you'd just look pathetic / desperate. You'd scare her off which makes her look down/straight/else where.

In short, it's not that we're not interested we just don't know what you're thinking so we'd prefer looking else where than giving you a wrong impression of being easy. Please be genuine, but if you're smile says you're h*rny..better back off :-p ..yet if you smiled in a friendly (or not creepy) way, I think more doors might open for you. :-)

[cun7n1nja]

I dunno, I don't usually do that, lol. Where I'm from, especially in a small community like where I live, it's considered a social norm and just generally polite to smile at people you make eye contact with, or even say 'hi', 'good morning', 'what's up? how are you' if you know them, etc. And most people do make eye contact, lol, I usually do. The only reasons I wouldn't are because either I'm just already involved in something else [digging through my bag, using my phone, looking around for something/someone], or I'm intimidated for some reason. Though I'm not typically intimidated by most people where I live. Most people are friendly here and/or know [or know OF] each other in some way or another.

On another note, I have no problem making eye contact or talking to most strangers. If they approach me, unless they're rude or especially creepy in their actions, I'll usually have no issue talking with them. Some of my coolest conversations/encounters have been with strangers who have just randomly approached me for some reason on the street, at the bar, or like outside a coffee shop, haha.

[cheesesteak7]

I agree and relate to pretty much all of this.

[cun7n1nja]

Sweet. =D

[cheesesteak7]

don't fish for BA though...I like giving my Q's a few days first... =D lol

[cun7n1nja]

LOL, I'm not too worried about it, I'm not one for fishing. =P Not for BA though. Regular fishing involving water can be a lot of fun, haha.

[cun7n1nja]

**Not for BA anyway, I meant. =P

[musicbrain5]

Well, there would be a few reasons. The main one being that I am painfully shy/have social anxiety, and eye contact has always been difficult for me. I am not even fully comfortable maintaining eye contact with my parents, my brothers, my fiance or anyone else who is close to me. I'm working on it, though :)

So as you can imagine, making brief eye contact with strangers of either gender is extremely hard, sometimes terrifying depending on the situation. I avoid it when I can.

The second reason is that guys in this city, who are approximately my age, seem to think that direct eye contact is an invitation to start flirting or hitting on me. I will talk to you if you need something from me but you will get turned down if you ask me out or whatever. That's happened and they seem to get all butthurt even when I say why I can't go out with them. So it's easier to jist not look at people unless I absolutely have to.

[cheesesteak7]

yeah, unfortunately, I think the cynicism of wanting to avoid being hit on translates into wanting to avoid the acknowledgment of one's existence lol. Not that there's anything wrong with that, I understand it for some girls who want to avoid the entire ordeal in today's culture.

[musicbrain5]

I don't actually mind being flirted with, but when it happens right away (I.e. I look at you and then you come right over and start putting the moves on) I get caught off guard. I'm bad at responding to some social cues, like flirting, from strangers. On the other hand, I'm wondering where all this action was when I was single. lol

[cheesesteak7]

hah, sometimes perception is reality, right. Maybe you only perceived there was no flirty when you were single because your idea of it was different or something. Or, also, some people put off different vibes when single or taken. Maybe since you're taken, you're naturally more open or friendly - vulnerable to flirting invitations?

[Theguyoverthere]

People are not as good as they used to be with a healthy set of social skills. With all the internet and such technology being so rampant among our youth don't expect many people to make as deep of a connection with each other as people years ago.

People typically avoid eye contact because they don't know how to respond. Look at how many Facebook "statuses" are directed at other people obviously but people's typical fear of confrontation is at an all time high now as they were never brought up around people. People are very isolated now. They can say things over text messages that they can't say in person.

This is not a gender thing either. Many males are the same way. Everyone has a different personal issue with eye contact and many people out there are perfectly capable of making eye contact with strangers.

[cheesesteak7]

yep, agreed

[Anonymous]

I would think it's shyness for 99,9% girls; usually they give other indicators of interest, without looking you in the eyes, such as licking lips or flipping hair.

Supposedly that's the que to the players to come and approach them.

I've only once experienced a girl walking past me, giving me eye contact and holding it, flipping her hair and smiling - all at the same time! I was completely baffled and shocked

[cheesesteak7]

i'm lol'ing envisioning a girl licking her lips side to side, like a hungry fat kid. Or like this link

[Opinion Owner]

More like sticking their tounge out a little; they don't move the tounge around

[leluxe]

Ohhhhhhhhh maybe you can answer me my question first...before I answer its conected. but I don't wanna be at fault of generalizing or jumping to conclusion.

What do guys think of or imagine when a girl looks at them in that situation? do you have her naked in your head? how she will be in bed? do guys have things relating to sex on their minds..not actively but in the faint background?

Anyways, I feel that guys do those things...and it makes me uncomfortable to feel that when they look at me..im already in different positions in his head, .. If its in a crowded area its not so bad...but when its isolated like that...i feel funny inside

[lbb7799]

I wanna know the answer now lol you should actually ask that

[leluxe]

hmm I wonder if someone has already ask that though. lets see...

[cheesesteak7]

I'd think most guys probably think something sexual. But I'm also sure it's to a varying degree depending on the guy. Like for me, most girls I see I may have a split second of envisioning her naked or having sex with her. But it's not something I'll focus on and really wouldn't make a difference to me in how I react to her if we made eye contact or started chatting even.

Basically, it's just like subconscious tick to think about sex. But it doesn't affect my actions.

[Dandeus]

I don't think it goes as far as wondering how she'll be in bed unless the guy is extremely attracted to the girl. Most guys subconsciously categorize every woman they see into would/wouldn't have sex groups, but it's not something we dwell on or envision most of the time, it's more like a mental filter. For myself, if a girl has some outstanding physical feature I make a mental note ("damn, nice ass!" etc) but don't think any further unless I know a bit more about the girl.

[leluxe]

thanks for the responses, that's not too bad! not as bad as I assumed. However, what if we were to lock eyes and smile back. What goes on in your head? My thing is I don't know if I even want a sexual relationship with the guy till I know if we can mentally connect. I just feel a lot of guys assume I'll be interested because I smiled or look. then if they were to continue and start a conversation, I would feel pressure and just find a quick strategy to escape.

[cheesesteak7]

it may be my friendly neighborhood or friendly work environments, but a lot of different people - beautiful women, old women, young girls, even guys - smile at me. I usually don't think much of it besides they're friendly or cordial. Depends on the smile really. I'd like to think that I can distinguish a friendly smile and an "interested" smile - the sense of sincerity, the eyes I think are key, etc.

I will say at school though, not a lot of strangers smile unless there's solid eye contact.

[Nana_4]

Haha I do that so much! I am pretty shy with guys, so when I see a guy coming towards me I tend to look down, unless I'm with a friend. I just get super shy and the eye contact makes me self-conscious. There are a few times I smile, but I usually am feeling really anxious/nervous when I see a guy walking towards me.

Also, I feel that when I do make eye contact, I have to smile, and I don't want that smile to get taken the wrong way. I don't know, haha. I'm a bit complicated I guess you could say. I hate that I'm like this, and I hope guys can tell I'm not being stuck up, just super shy, which is pretty bad when you're 20 years old and at a University.

[cheesesteak7]

Yeah I understand. It's hard because shyness and pretentiousness are 2 polar opposite ends of the social spectrum, but both yield the same type of actions - ignoring someone. In fact, I made a Q about it a while ago!

And yeah, I know it seems much easier in today's society to just try to avoid the whole hit on/rejection ordeal. It's sad that a lot of both girls and guys can't seem to handle those situations of rejecting/being rejected very well nowadays

[Nana_4]

Exactly, and I don't want to be seen as "stuck up." I mean, I never have been called that, so I think guys can tell I'm just shy, but who knows.

Oh, really? Yeah, this topic is pretty interesting. Would you say that guys do this whole avoiding-eye contact things?

Totally, is much easier than making a mess out of it, ya know. I know, us people need to be better with rejection and realize being rejected doesn't make us a bad person.

[cheesesteak7]

no, I don't think most guys do. most guys like looking at girls, I think lol

[lumos]

In my country, people like having their personal space, and it would be considered awkward, or even rude, to look some stranger in the eyes while walking past them. It's not about being arrogant or pretentious, like I said, it's about being awkward. So we rarely approach strangers, or look them in the eyes. It's just the norm here, I guess. And since I live in the capital city, it would be difficult for me to make eye contact with and smile at every single random person I happen to walk past. It would be a bit exhausting in the long run. Hence I just like minding my own business and focusing on getting from point A to point B.

[Meedo]

what country do you live in if I may ask ?

[lumos]

Jag bor I Finland. 8)

[cheesesteak7]

interesting. especially for Finland. I thought that was a happy country?

[lumos]

Sweden is a happier country, compared to Finland. And I guess we are quite happy too, we're just more reserved.

[sarahbeara2010]

Personally, I only make eye contact when it can happen in the spur of the moment and doesn't involve staring at the other person for an extended period of time. I absolutely HATE being stared at, and I know that I am certainly not the only one who feels that way. So, to avoid making someone else feel uncomfortable, I just kind of assume that they don't like to be stared at any more than I do. If we just happen to glance up and catch each others' eye within, like, three seconds or so, however, then I will smile at them or maybe say hi. Either way, it doesn't necessarily mean that I'm interested in them, and it doesn't necessarily mean that I am NOT interested in them.

[CarrieDawn]

1. I honestly didn't notice

2. Sometimes if there's only 2 people, it's kinda awkward so I just stay on my phone. Similar to this: link

3. I'm just not in the best mood

I live in a big city so usually it's customary to not really acknowledge strangers. But usually I'll still at least make eye contact or give a half smile.

[cheesesteak7]

Interesting, because it's like a mixed bag where I live (not a "BIG city", but a city. Small town vibe, but 2 million metro pop). Some parts of the city are pretty sociable and strangers on the street acknowledge each other, at least LOOK at each other. But some areas, it's like eyes forward. I know each n'hood/area is different, but I think there's a lot of cross-migrating here, in regards to hanging out in areas (some areas are very distinct here and you can tell who's from where sometimes).

[CarrieDawn]

Yeah, sometimes on the busy streets everyone is rushing so if I ever do make eye contact it's very quick, and the other person looks ahead again immediately.

Some places, like when I'm in a more ghetto part of the town, it's unspoken that you walk fast don't make eye contact with anyone! haha

[luckyGurl]

For me it's shyness and it would make me dizzy if I look at all guys I pass by instead of concentrating on where I tread lol. But if I pass by someone I don't really know (for example a co-worker I'm not close to), I would say hey and smile.

So just don't assume that if a girl you passed by didn't make eye contact with you that she doesn't wanna talk or date you...

[cheesesteak7]

I know =D I actually tend to think girls that avoid eye contact when I walk by them at work or on the street want me. ^_^

[luckyGurl]

hmm maybe they like you or not, but positivity is a good thing hehe

[Stressyalaire]

These are my reasons. One if of course because I'm looking elsewhere, my focus is somewhere else or I'm deep in thought.

When I'm in a really good mood and the only thought is "I'm feeling good" I'll look at everyone, smile, greet them or even join them for a chat.

It's not that I don't want you to talk to me. That thought isn't even in my head, you're not in my thoughts at all. Not that you're unattractive, you just don't exist in my little world right now. I'm too busy doing my own thing.

I went for food an hour ago. It's a 10 minute walk.

My mind: "So I did this, this is and this today. This was fun, that could have gone better, why were you struggling there, try harder, I'll try again tomorrow, what else do I want to to tomorrow, what else do I want to do today, right groceries, food, what food, ..."

It's chaos. And who knows you passed by me somewhere in the middle of all that

[COCOCHANEL]

in western countries it seems that eye contact means interest which gives them permission to hit on you. I avoid eye contact to avoid confusing people who later get mad when I have to politely say I'm not interested. it's just a big waste of everyone's time.

[COCOCHANEL]

this is not true in asia however, men hit on you even though you avoid eye contact.

[cheesesteak7]

what I hear in Asia is that women are actually SUPPOSED to not show any interest - everything is up to the man's discretion.

[artgirl1995]

I definitly greet and make eye contact with people I know. But if for ex, I'm in the subway and there's only one guy, it's kinda awkward when we make eye contact. It does happen though. I usually just smile to make things less weird, but turns out that just makes things more awkward sometimes.

[Bla4Ublah]

Well, one I'm shy. Then there is the fact that since childhood we are often told "don't stare! Its rude!" and I often hear that in my head, that if I look at a guy too long, I appear to be rude by "staring" XD

[cheesesteak7]

I can see that. But how many seconds is staring? Just a quick glance wouldn't hurt, right?

[Bla4Ublah]

Nobody notices the quick glances. And then there is the side glance that you will not notice unles syou were staring at me and turning your head. Also, I have developed the whole looking at things without focusing on them. You know, looking at a bit to the side, and seeing the person at the corner of your eye XD

[shygirl16]

Typically when I'm walking somewhere I'm in a hurry and not really paying attention to those around me, it would have to be an absolutely gorgeous guy to get my attention, and even then I wouldn't stare. I'm just minding my own business walking somewhere, not looking for a mate.

[ninetynine]

Either I feel ugly and don't want to be seen, or I just don't want to risk making awkward eye contact. So for me, I guess it just has to do with insecurity and shyness.

[cheesesteak7]

even if it's an ugly guy? Or, if you DO make eye contact with a stranger on the street or something, does that mean you're completely secure in how you look at that moment?

[ninetynine]

Yeah, I still don't really make eye contact with people I pass, regardless of their appearance. I'm pretty shy and quiet, so I tend to keep to myself and avoid any kind of social interaction. If I do make eye contact with someone, it doesn't necessarily mean I feel secure with myself and how I look -- sometimes it just happens.

[britannny]

Uh, I don't know. I normally am not even thinking about the guys I'm walking past. Do you acknowledge EVERY stranger in your vicinity? Probably not. Why? Because you're busy thinking about other things, and don't care to give them a second though, lol. Not for any real special "reason".

[cheesesteak7]

did you read the question description? I specified when it's only you and the one other guy, say on the street. Do you still completely ignore the only other human being in your vicinity because your mind is constantly preoccupied?

[britannny]

Um, YES I obviously did read your question, lol. And yes, if we're strangers, I'm probably not going to acknowledge you. I don't see why anyone would feel compelled to do otherwise, unless they're attracted to that person or something.

[cheesesteak7]

oh and to answer your question, yes I do look at every stranger in my vicinity (especially in just us 2 scenarios). Partly because I'm a people watcher, partly because I always keep a vigilant eye open... =D

[cheesesteak7]

there are plenty of reasons to acknowledge a stranger. if you really think there are none, that is just unfortunate.

[britannny]

Hm. Yeah, I don't. It actually gets on my nerves a little bit when strangers make eye contact with me and ask me how I'm doing or something as they're walking by and not listening to my response. I just really like it better when the people I'm walking past just ignore me.

[cheesesteak7]

would it make a difference if they don't say hi or ask about your day? If they only looked at you, would it bother you?

[cheesesteak7]

and how do you know they're making eye contact unless you're looking back! Hah! you DO look at other ppl! =D

[britannny]

I don't see why that would be unfortunate. In certain situations, it's fine to acknowledge strangers, but if we're just walking past each other going about our business, I don't want to talk and I'd rather you not make me feel obliged to be fake friendly towards you. It's just annoying. I'm perfectly content not having bullsh*t small talk with complete strangers who I'll likely never see again, so I don't think it's "unfortunate".

[cheesesteak7]

well, keep in mind, I never asked about talking to the person, which you keep mentioning. only looking at them. Do you associate eye contact with forced conversation 100% of the time? Is it part of the Souther hospitality?

[britannny]

And no I don't care if people look at me as long as they don't smile or speak, or anything that requires a response from me, lol. And when I say "I don't make eye contact" I obviously don't mean 1000% of the time. I just mean I'm not really paying attention to anyone.

[cheesesteak7]

speaking of Southern hospitality and possibly associating it with feel to need to force small talk, I DID mention "social norms" in the question. It's funny because here in CA, plenty of people look at strangers but don't say anything. it seems to be a norm here to just look at someone and say nothing. Part of CA pretentiousness maybe? I know plenty of people here DO want to talk to strangers, some do. But most don't. (besides the bar scene of course, but that's a different animal and doesn't count!)

[britannny]

Here, when people look at you it's not uncommon for them to smile and say, "how are you today?" or make some boring comment about the weather. And then keep walking, and are gone before you even finish your whole sentence, lol.

[cheesesteak7]

yeah, here, at least in my area, people are more cynical. eye contact is OK, but usually if there's a "hello" a lot of reactions are confused or surprised or even a bit angry lol. Some people are nice or like it and smile and say hi back.

When I was in TN few years back, some stranger girl put her hand on my leg when she sat next to me on a bus...w/ her boyfriend right next to her lol. Acceptable in the South maybe? Here in CA, that's like major flirting and is basically "f*** me, plz".

[cheesesteak7]

makes you realize that even in the same country, we can have quite different regional cultures.

[britannny]

No, not acceptable behavior here, lol. That's standard bus conduct though, I think. A lot of weirdos on the bus. Once a strange man tried to hold my mom's hand on a bus in Tennessee. Maybe people from Tennessee are just really creepy. haha

[Mysty211]

Usually I hate making eye contact with anyone I don't know and even more if I found them attractive . It wouldn't make a difference if I did make eye contact since you wouldn't see the guy again unless it's somewhere like in your college. I'd just generally avoid eye contact with anyone.

Sometimes I might look at them quickly but as soon as eye contact is returned I look the other way or straight quickly.

[yourgirl]

Usually b.c if you do most guys think you're into them and I don't want to give the wrong impression

or if he's really good looking I'm too intimidated lol

[cheesesteak7]

haha, seems like 2 nearly contradictory reasons! =D

[TimTomTank]

I usually make eye contact and greet most people.

Being in the business world, it is just a social norm for me / business etiquette.

I probably have 10-15 conversations before I even get upstairs to my office, lol.

[harveykinkle]

Why SHOULD we make eye contact with everyone who walks past?

Read the craigslist "missed connections" - a lot of them say something along the lines of "we made eye contact during passing and I felt an immediate connection. Let's get together!"

People take these things the wrong way!

[RedSmartie]

I don't typically make eye contact with strangers. It's uncomfortable. Plus if I'm walking somewhere, I probably have things to do and don't really want to talk with a complete stranger.

[DivaMonae]

Lol , it' makes the situation awkward.

Whether were into him, and don't want to seem to obvious. Or if he's sending off a signal and were not into him.

[marciamarcia]

A combination of shyness and intimidation. Sometimes it's just because I'm shy, other times it's because the person intimidates me for one reason or another.