How do I help my mum trust me?

[Graci_e]

My boyfriend and my brother are best friends so my boyfriend comes and stays for weekends/school holidays so we can all hang out. I'm 16 (17 in 3 months) and he's 14 (15 in 2 months). My mum had problems with us being too close, cuddling, holding hands, etc which is kinda annoying.

I've kinda figured out that she doesn't like it cause she got pregnant at 16 with my big sister and although she loves my sister, it did mess up her life. She worries that it'll happen to me cause I'll admit, i haven't always been the easiest work.

But my boyfriend and I are smart and we absolutely would not want to risk having a baby now, as well as the fact that he's not legal age and we respect each other too much to do anything so soon. I just like cuddling up to him cause it feels safe and i wanna be close to him.

She walked in the other day while i was laying behind my boyfriend with my arm around him and she kicked me out of the room for the rest of the night and she was so pissed at me it's not funny.

She has struggled to trust me ever since i was 14 and my 16yr old ex boyfriend (not the same guy I'm dating now) forced me to have sex with him.

How do i show her that I'm trustworthy and I'm not gonna get pregnant from having my arm around him?

Updates

1 y

I just realised i put it in a shit category haha, my bad i'm a bit tipsy

[SnowedIn]

Good for you for thinking of this this way.

The easiest way is a combination of doing things the way she likes them and by being responsible/trustworthy.

You know how she does/doesn't like you being with your boyfriend. So don't cuddle with him or look to close when mom is around. Not saying you have to like her way, but you doing it her way tells her you're listening and you care about what she has to say. It's a respect thing. But, do it because it builds trust. Again, that doesn't mean you think she's right (in fact, I think she's wrong) but because you are showing her in a very real way that she can trust you.

Then, also show her in other areas that you are mature and responsible. Do your schoolwork. Work really hard on homework and grades. If you do an instrument, practice. If you do sports, do them really well and invite mum. Do your chores -- without being asked. Be polite. Be nice to your siblings. All of those things are going to make her take notice that you can be mature. There's the possible benefit she'll trust you (maybe not) but here's the thing: those are GOOD things to do anyway. Those are part of being a good human and a good member of society and a good member of a family.

[Graci_e]

Thank you, that's super helpful. I haven't always been the best at following rules but I'm definitely gonna do it now and earn her trust knowing how she feels.

[SnowedIn]

Really good plan! As a parent I think we owe it to the kids to make rational rules that make sense for a reason and not just rules because we the parents are scared. As I tell my kids, if I can't have faith that you the young one will sweep or clean or do your homework on your own, what makes you think I'll trust you with the car. And so doing the little things pays off in the long run.

[Graci_e]

Yeah that makes sense and i can understand that. I know she's just trying to do whats best for me and she's a bit of an emotional person and she's had a lot of trouble in her life so i don't blame her for being a bir fear based even though I find it a bit annoying. I'm 18 in a year so it doesn't have to bother me for long anyway.

[SnowedIn]

Exactly! :)

[Graci_e]

And I think if I earn her trust, she'll be a bit more relaxed on the rules. It does kinda upset me sometimes cause she doesn't trust me based on doing stuff when i was 14 even it wasn't consensual, but I think she has her logic behind it and she doesn't blame me, she just struggles with it.

And I definitely have broken her trust a few times making silly decisions and she's big on trust, so that is kinda my fault. But she gets easier and easier every time I actually behave, so I'll just suck it up for a while.

[Graci_e]

Sorry haha i wrote that other reply before refreshing the page

[SnowedIn]

That right there. And, yeah, as a parent I don't agree with making stricter rules for mistakes and/or holding you to account for things that weren't your fault. But you are where you are. You've got this!

[Graci_e]

Thank you :))

[OlderAndWiser]

The age of consent in most Australian territories is 16. If you have sex with him anytime before he reaches 16, YOU are guilty of statutory rape.

You may have the best of intentions concerning not having sex wth your boyfriend but your mother knows two things about sexual activity:

1. Once a teen has sex for the first time, the odds are that they wll continue to have sex.

2. If you engage in any behavor that causes sexual arousal, your intentions can easily be forgotten in an instant.

Has your mother offered or suggested any form of birth control?

[Anonymous]

You’re a child. She knows what’s best for you. When you’re grown you can make your own decisions. If you’re not having sex then good.

You should listen to your mother. She obviously knows what’s best for you.

[WhitneySnow]

Tell her what you just told us

[Anonymous]

Just get on birth control and tell her your teaching him how to be good at pulling out 🤣😜

[Degenerate]

You're a slut you can't be trusted

[Anonymous]

This is your wife guys

[Graci_e]

What do you mean?

[Opinion Owner]

you're ruined