We've just married a couple of weeks ago. But my wife doesn't want to do any activities together. She has no hobbies. She just works and wants to come home and rest. Do you think this is normal for a new married couple? Isn't it weird that my wife has no hobbies? What would you suggest me to do?
Is she very busy with work all the time? If it’s a period of time where she’s focused on her career, then it’s understandable if she isn’t really doing many hobbies.
I’ve done that myself to focus on my career, setting hobbies aside for a while so I can laser-focus in getting ahead.
But, that’s hobbies. If she’s not making time to spend quality time with you before or after work, that can cause problems in the relationship in the long run.
I work really hard during the week, so that I can at least have 1 day during the weekend to spend time with my significant other, no matter if I worked a 70 or 80 hour week.
If your relationship is important to you, you will make time, even if it’s just a little bit.
Hopefully she’s not overworking herself.
Maybe you can talk to her and ask her how’s she’s doing and why is she working so hard.
Let her know that you’re worried for her and you want to help her relieve some stress if she’s stressed.
Be supportive, understanding, and listen attentively.
I wish you the best.
How long did you know your spouse before you married? Did you not realize she had no hobbies before then?
Of course, romance can blind people to these issues until later... However, what are YOUR hobbies? Can you find people you know who share your hobbies that you can befriend? This takes pressure off your wife.
Remember, you two are NOT joined at the hip. Of course, you'd like to share some interests with your spouse. But, if you've laid out a host of hobbies you're interested in, and your wife can't be moved, this might be a lost cause.
Here's another issue that might come into play. Is your wife suffering from depression? Depressed people usually have no energy for anything other than what they HAVE to do. Get up. Go to work. Get home to decompress. "rest"
But you need to talk to your wife in any case. Honey, I suppose you don't have to be interested in cars, hiking or bicycling. But come on! I know you might like to garden or swim or play chess... ---using a few examples.--- And isn't there something we can do together, such as travel?
What do you wife and you HAVE in common? Great personalities? Love of music? Movies or TV shows? Great senses of humor? Look for the positives and build on that. If she loves music or dance, you can attend dance or music shows. If she's a funny woman, go see some standup comics together. Does she like the outdoors at all? Go for walks.
And here's another question. WHy is she so tired after work? Does she hate her job? That is an energy suck right there and can lead to depression and disinterest in everything else.
You've got a big job ahead. BUt get to the bottom of this issue. If you can't get anywhere, you might need to see a counselor right away. Both of you. This truly isn't normal. You've got to work it out. Good luck.
You should be concerned. Someone like this could have depression or even gain weight. Overall it’s not healthy.
To be unmotivated. It says a lot about the person. They could also become hoarders. Or become messy.
YIKES 😬. Try to get her to go on walks at least. Try to cook something with her. Try to get her to play videogames with you.
Try to get her to a life coach or counselor. If the issue is deeper.
I've been through that, but within a few weeks I’d catch myself slacking.
it may be your problem. depends what is going on, how exhausted is she, is she depressed from work, etc.. I recall when I was younger than you, I came home from work... single... worn out, on the couch and thought..."this is what it's like getting older, at 28?" ugh... we'll, I had a physical problem that was showing up and needed surgery to fix. After that, I found my energy again.
not normal, my wife gets up at 5, comes home, works more, can't wait to go and do something.
but not everyone has same energy.
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There are people that just don't have hobbies, that their main desire is their work and advancing in it. I'm surprised this didn't come up prior to your marriage that she never had any interests outside of working. Personally, I don't know that I would get along well with someone who has no hobbies as I'm a big believer in hobbies and what they can bring to a person's life not just in material terms but in terms of personal reward. You can try to see if she's interested in something but it sounds like if she's not interested in it she might not have any desire to change what's going on.
@hamlet - HOW did you not know your girlfriend and then later fiancee does not have hobbies BEFORE you got married. Did you NOT spend any time together previously?
I mean that's ridicolous. Hobbies is such a basic thing to know that it's like you two are more strangers on the side of the road to each other than you are newly married.
.
As for what can you do?
Well you could TRY to get her involved in your hobbies.
ASK if she wants to come along for whatever you do.
You can TALK to her and ASK if she needs help with work or maybe around the house so that she has time for hobbies
She might be getting overworked. Be VERY VERY VEEEEEEEEEEEEERY observing for the coming period.
Try to find out how her short-term-memory is doing.
Check if she is actually capable of still "enjoying" stuff.
Have some conversations to measure for urself if she is overly negative.
Try to sense if she can "let go" of work or if she constantly talk about work at home.
Does she irritate quickly?
When was her last vacation?
How much does she actually "like" her work? Did this change over a period of a year?
She might be slipping into a burnout without you guys realizing.
It’s seems like a hobby is something you take seriously how come you just now noticing? This is kinda text book question people ask each other when they first meet what you listen to and what you do in your free time?
On the other hand this is actually everyone i know have no interests whatsoever, empty they don’t even listen to music and if they do you can tell they have no clue what’s going they dont feel or enjoy anything it’s depressing. You are not alone.
So don’t feel bad and be grateful at least she is not into sports where she grabs the credit card and buy tons of sports jerseys and car flags and confetti, tailgating stuff and paint your face, your car and your dog.
Maybe her quality time is only you being around her with her gossiping and cuddling or helping in work type... maybe she feels like those activities are also some sort of work that she has to do so she rather rests n chills... i think you have to keep trying different ways until u find out what can be counted as a good time between you and her
And no its not a problem as a person to not have hobbies but with you by time it might be some tyoe of difficulty so itd be great if u and her understand each other in this case
If my partner stopped doing activities with me and lost interest in cultivating their hobbies I'd ask them for the reasoning behind the change and then based on what they say - I'd express my support and/or how the change in behaviour makes me feel and how it effects me.
Doing "activities together" and having a "hobby" are often two different things. I've had SO many hobbies over the years, but most are based around creating things/outputs: stained glass work, artwork of many types, FYI sewing projects, model RR, and music (piano, guitar, organ and a pinch of drum). Her "hobby" was fishing- she is welcome to it. My grandson turned his "hobby" of crochet into an Etsy business (he's 11). So, younger really know what will come of it.
The main point is that it is a diversion that you enjoy, and hopefully relaxes you, and maybe even teaches you something.
Even though I’m in med school now I don’t think once I become a full time doctor I’ll do a hobby after my job to satisfy a soon to be dead temporarily human body.
Find someone with a hobby make this a criteriA when you meet a new women ask her 1st time - do you have a hobby ? If she says yes then marry her.
Problem solved. See it ain’t hard.
Or maybe since you are so fascinated about hobbies why not give it a try and ask if she can join you. Like send her an email or a message invite her to
join you for an afternoon hobby.
I don’t think your hobbies are making you good at communicating though seeing how you ask this qs at GAG!
Anyways I hope you solve this issue soon.
Wait, you're asking US if that is a problem for you and your marriage? That is something that is entirely up to you. What does it matter if it's "normal" or not? What matters is that you apparently have a problem with it. And I understand, I would too. But it really is all that matters. So what if people here told you yeah, it's normal and nothing to worry about? How does that help you? It won't change the fact that you have a problem with it. I probably shouldn't have to tell you this, but you need to talk to your wife about this.
As someone who has gone through that period of time when I had no hobbies either because of losing interest in old hobbies and having no drive to do something new due to severe depression and burnout... If my husband judged me based on that honestly I'd question my entire marriage. Not everyone has the mental capacity or luxury to have a hobby and it should be something that you enjoy doing and not something that you do for the sake of it.
I think it depends on the job but generally speaking didn´t you know that before marrying her? It could become a problem in the long term if you´re interested in many activities or if you´re a person that likes to go out and do things with other people.
She sounds like she works hard and is just tired after work. I haven’t had “hobbies” since I’ve been married either and definitely don’t have time after having kids for hobbies other than the kids. In her case, it sounds like she’s perfectly content being home with you.
I'd consider it a problem, cause I am going to take my own personal alone time, weither it be playing video games, working in the garage on a project, or hanging out with the boys.
I can't stand going women who only work, sleep, and want to lay on me or relie on me to intertain them, I am not gonna be her hobby/source of intertainment 24/7, it's not gonna happen.
I got no time for that connected at the hip bullshit.
She appears to have developed a significant pizza-eating hobby. Good for her.👍🏻
The behaviour described is not unusual for a female.
Because women do not have (much) testosterone, they tire faster and do not deal as well with physical activity and stress.
It is likely that after a day at work, commuting and them her part of the domestic duties, your wife may be exhausted and dealing with more stress than women were designed for.
Let her rest.
Honestly yes this does sounds like a problem because what happened if you actually want to do anything with your wife and when she doesn't have a work day she just act like a lazy couch potato I realistically wouldn't marry a woman who has zero aspiration in terms of hobbies when she don't have work to do.
YES. that's actually weird and concerning. also, you knew this about her, this apparently isn't new after you married. and if it is, that's bad... i think she's depressed... legitimately. that's sad. you're newly weds... shouldn't you be like having sex or something? spending time together doing fun couple things?
At least she works. My wife doesn't have hobbies and is a stay at home mom. She doesn't like house work and spends most her day on her phone. And when I come home from a 12 hr day I listen to her "hard" day of having no friends want to hang out with her.
Housewives...
It could be cause for concern as hobbies are better for mental health and self-care than just watching TV (according to numerous concern).
But are you asking because she doesn't pickup any of your hobbies?
I mean this is where she is in her stage of life. Maybe she hasn’t found something that appeals to her just yet.
Did you try offering her ideas of things she can do? Maybe she is tired after work.
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