I have been hearing some stories how some bad husbands are wonderful fathers.
My great grandpa was the same actually. He was an awful husband, always hurt and cheated on my grandma but he was an amazing father and a grandfather. He regretted being a bad husband later on, he cried every night from missing her and prayed for his wife but was too late. She was gone.
How’s that?
Wouldn’t a nice person be nice to everyone?
Why are some bad husbands and great fathers?
Maybe they can be a good father but when they realize their mistake which is a fucked way to make amends after all that time you did not care about your children.
My dad was a bad husband to my mother
My mother was a bad wife to my father as well.
They are both what you call, people who do not deserve to earn the “ parent title”.
7 years ago till now, My father has tried to make amends with us, his children. I am the oldest child and I can see that he is really tried to be a father but man, how can you start to be a good father now after so many years has passed?
My mother is a different story. She has never ever done in anything in her life to support me and some of my siblings. She has lied , manipulated even bullied me into believing that I was really a failure. She even remarried without inviting her own kids. She parades around with her new kid and treating him better than us. It’s like we are her old experiments that failed so she doesn’t acknowledge us. She pays rent, light bills and cooks for the kids sometimes.
Has she ever paid for any of her children’s expenses? No , my father did
I was 15 and I used to work to pay for insurance, car…. my siblings school fees and other expenses. I did not complain because I am the oldest child and I really thought this is what she wanted me to do.
Come to find out, I ended up having to pay for her credit card bills. She would swipe her cards left and right then disappear to go travel to see that new young guy she was seeing. She bought him a phone , a new car……. as my mother she couldn’t even buy me a car?
My father left us but he sends money and talks to us…encourages us to do better. He is emotional with us but talking once a week is not enough and sends money which I appreciate so I try to make him believe that I am grateful…….. but sincerely, I don’t give a fuck. All these years, I am just trying so hard to pretend like I care about my mother and my father. I don’t care.
Unfortunately some people just aren’t good partners with the fundamental frame work of a relationship or the relationship isn’t working out. But it doesn’t mean they can’t fulfill their role as good parents to their kids. It’s frustrating and disappointing that some marriages won’t work out despite having a good relationship with the kids.. but not with each other.
sure.
People are driven by what is inside of them... so find out what that emotion is and you'll understand them. For example, if he is driven by spite.. he may project that onto whom is closest... his wife. If he is "narcissistic" in behavior... e. g. a hurt little boy that was rejected by his father, he may take that self pity out on his wife. Wouldn't shock me he'd take it out on others as well... for that's whom he is and how he is resonating. People will hurt others they "love"... you've figured that out... for their love is selfishness. If he's just a "player" .. he's thinking about himself, not his wife. It's hard to put ones self second... that may have to be developed.
I'm not saying all that is fact, take what you will from the scenarios, you have to look at each persons patterns of behavior and figure out what was driving them and how it is flawed... goal is healing the deeper person to how God made them, in love, so they are their best self. For God to me, is love.
And yes... the Bible is right again... this is a fallen world with an adversary inside of us, that is... fallen emotionally into emotions we don't like... fear, shame, spite, malice, envy, greed, pride... etc.. not love, joy, peace, happiness, contentment, self control.
These are different skills too... father and husband.
sometimes in relationships they just don't work out and just because you don't like each other anymore doesn't mean that you stop becoming a father or a mother they have nothing to do with it
when you have a child you're responsibilities to make them become 10 times better than you so at the same time you might be a great father you also have to teach your children how to be a great friend to their mother so when they go through our times with their spouses girlfriends boyfriends what have you they know how to treat each other
Opinion
57Opinion
I believe that’s usually not the case.
If a marriage is dysfunctional, usually the parenting is dysfunctional as well.
But, of course, I suppose there may be rare exceptions.
It IS a slightly different headspace though, how one is with their significant other versus how one is with their kids.
Some people only know how to operate in one headspace and not the other.
You may often hear stories where the romance in a marriage is turning sour because one or both of the parents are only focusing on their kids instead of also nurturing and protecting their marriage and intimacy as a couple — which then causes them to argue more and that takes away from their ability to be good parents when their marriage is struggling.
Husband and father are two completely different roles, requiring completely different skills. A man could be good at one and horrible at the other.
It's quite possible (I've actually seen this), because they're two very different relationships.
Agreed
No! Loving other people is usually a chore. It takes energy and effort to show your affection and we decide for ourselves who is worth it and not. That's why you need to select who to love because no one is enough to love all.
On the other hand when you decide who to love you can make mistakes, perhaps you thought showing affection for someone would give you some return which is why most people cheat, believing they can have something they currently lack for being affectionate with someone else.
I pity your grandfather. Most likely he gave as much affection he could while looking for something he never got and he will be remembered mostly for his faults rather than his merits.
No, he was an amazing grandparent, I loved him a lot, we all did. He’s the most special person from my childhood, when I first heard that he was a bad husband, I was surprised, because he was such an amazing grandpa.
I think he loved his wife a lot, because later on when he lost her, he changed totally and would often cry talking of her. I just don’t know why he was a cheater in his youth years. Might be because they married very early.
But you are saying something interesting, you think people cheat because their needs are not met in a relationship?
What needs for example?
Yes, I believe every cheater has a reason for cheating. It could be small or big, a necessity or just for kicks all depending on each cases circumstances. That said I don't believe it's justified and certainly not today when there are options.
Examples of cheating could be that you feel drained by your relationship. It takes more than it provides in terms of energy. Could also be that you're desperate to relive some of your youth and feel attractive again. Could be that your life is hard and you just want to forget about it for a moment.
People have all kinds of reasons.
Ohh sure easy.
Pretty simple for bad husband , banging everything that moves , but with the children simply adores , supports , respects.
I have one very close ex colleague in mind , a precis to protect the relatives and children , great father , adored his kids , bored shtless with wife , was having sex with one of our ( very hot ) workers , got her pregnant , she got a new role , they had 2 great looking kids , ended up divorced , he also owned a transport company , 6 kids now , all adored him , he was great to all.
A really really good guy , just taken far too young , but played hard too.
Lovely bloke.
m I don't think so, no...
maybe they can do some good things, but in general... they are doing a very bad thing towards the mother of their children, which can mess up or confuse the children
there is nothing wonderful or great about someone abusing and hurting your mother, no...
Not abusing, but cheating, which is the same thing I think.
well... cheating and hurting someone
that is emotional abuse... perhaps not physical, but it is a form of abuse
I agree, that is definitely emotional abuse as it destroys you emotionally.
I wonder how can they be good fathers if they hurt their partners?
I always thought relationships should be couple centered, I feel happier to know that my father loves my mother deeply.
Well, now I am grown up. But in the past when I was younger I felt happy to know that.
definitely a great thing to know and to see loving parents, yes... that is a blessing
as for the rest, I guess it is about the things we focus on, or as a perspective
for example, a different way to say these things would be "he was good with me, my father" rather than being him "being a wonderful father"
another example, and since you're sharing relative stories... there's one of my uncles, who was good and great with one of my cousins, the one boy that looked him... but he was VERY unfair and a horrible father to my other cousin, because he looked more like my aunt
so, he was not a wonderful father no, but he was good to one of the brothers...
A lot of husbands have a hard time understanding their wives. After a while they get frustrated, and just start doing what ever. It is not always that they are trying to be bad; it is more they do not understand how to communicate with their wife.
All men tend to have a mind that makes it easy for them to understand their children, and the children's needs. So, it is easier for them to set the rules for their children, and raise them to be productive in society and think for themselves.
When it comes to the wife, because of how they see things, and in most cases, because they never want to hear the wife's opinion and input; they tend to rub her the wrong way!!! You have to listen and take in what she says if you want to be a good husband!!
Hell yeah? My bestie is one of those dads. Although he ain’t no husband and more so has a baby moms… I know his daughters love and value his time because he’s just a fun joyful person to be around. I’m not saying this because he’s my friend but, it’s a damn shame how ignorant his baby mom is and she don’t really respect the relationship he has with the daughters yet expects him to watch them spontaneously anytime she needs. And since she’s so mean they can’t even have a regular conversation or agreement with any arrangement with these kids they have without having a big argument causing my friend to just hang up on her. Then he’ll close his eyes, shake his head and yell to himself “whatta a fucking bitch?” Then smile and be all pretending to be super happy cause his knows he not that crazy. Some bitches be crazy and he sadly had 2 kids with her, yikes.
I would say Yes, it is possible for a man to be a bad husband but a very good father. A person's ability to fulfill different roles and responsibilities in their family can vary. Being a good parent and being a good spouse require different skill sets and behaviors. It is possible for someone to excel in one role while struggling or falling short in another. It's important to address any issues in the spousal relationship separately from the parenting relationship and work towards improvement in both areas if needed.
Yes, it is possible for a man to be a bad husband but a very good father. Relationship dynamics within a marriage and parenting roles can be distinct. A person may struggle with the responsibilities and expectations of being a spouse, perhaps due to communication issues, incompatible personalities, or other factors. However, he may excel as a father by providing emotional support, guidance, and a positive influence on his children's lives. Parenting involves a unique set of skills and qualities that can differ from those needed in a marital relationship. It's essential to recognize that individuals can exhibit various facets in different roles, and a person's ability to be a good father may not necessarily correlate with his effectiveness as a spouse.
that would be me.
people doesn't give the same value to everything, i know very well that i am a good friend and family member and would be one of the best father world ever saw for a son, but i also know that i would not be a good husband and father to a daughter, i would be whatyou call jealous and controlling husband/father.
my point of view, with a son, i don't have to fear for him, he will be a man and if he grows up to be anything like me, he should have nothing to fear with a daughter and wife, i would not just fear fortheir safety but also never trust them %100 my possesive male instincts wouldn't let me live a peaceful life with them.
A romantic relationship is very different from a father child relationship. It requires a different set of skills. Not surprising that someone might be good at one but bad at the other although it is true there is some interaction there between the skills.
Can be? I suppose. Typically I've seen it be a like begets like thing. Good spouses typically are good parents.
I guess if someone grew to resent their spouse, which can happen, that person may have no problem with their biological child if the kid is doing well in life. Easy to praise a high performer.
Consider that your grandfather may have been trying to alleviate his guilt for his infidelity. Horrible thing for their child to hear. But his hands shouldn't be cuffed and say he's not allowed to be nice because he fucked up in his relationship.
No, I believe a man who doesn’t respect the mother of his child or show her common decency can’t be a good father. If he saw her in pain and didn’t bother helping and only added stress and pain he won’t play the role his daughter will need. He will only bring her trauma later on in life.
That being said I also feel this way with women that have a good husband and find joy in degrading him and emasculating him. They will not be able to teach their kids how to maintain a healthy relationship and be nurturing to others. That’s why I’m very picky about friends.
I don't believe that.
They can treat children properly and affectionately, but always those deeper emotions will be missing. And kids can feel it.
If someone hurts people on purpose, they lose part of their soul, their heart and their emotions.
Yes. may be. Dont knw exactly but each person is different on earth having different behaviour , nature & mentality. N i think each person behaves different with everyone.
N to be honest. Everyone is devil 😈 in someone’s story. So can’t say exactly yes & no for this question.
A father is relating to children who he is in control of and are not his equals. A. husband is relating to an adult woman who should be his equal and he has to do adult-adult work. Completely different from being a parent.
Some are good at dealing with underlings. But not with long-term close relationships with other adults/and women.
Definitely possible. We have different personalities with every relationship we have in life. Your relationship with your parents is very different from your siblings or friends or significant other or eventually even children. You could have a very negative view of women and treat them like shit, but have a soft spot for children because you want them to live the life you always wanted. Everyone has their own psychological reasons.
My grandfather probably was like that?
He adored his chicken but for some reason he couldn't stand my grandmother, and since at the time divorce was not a thing and she refused to leave, he either had her sent off to an asylum or allowed it to happen. She died there and he had her buried on common soil and never remarried.
Word through the grapevine was that he had found out she had helped out some German soldiers during WWII and decided to make her pay for it.
Depends how you interpret both.
A "good husband" could be a drug dealer, who doesn't bring "business" home, or a thick as shit labourer with an alcohol problem, but great sex drive.
On the flip side, a "good father" could just be one who doesn't explode at the smallest things, or just pay the bills.
Everyone has different interpretation's and experiences of their fathers, and husbands are not necessarily all fathers.
Absolutely, because they are different types of relationships.. A father can always be there for his kids, teach them the ways he thinks they should go, always have their backs, and be tender and loving. Then at the same time have problems with his rel with his wife.. It's why a lot of parents stay married until their kids are grown and then get a divorce.. Their relationship made have fallen with each other, but not with their kids..
Never understand why this is so difficult for women. The roles of being a husband and father are completely different for starters your children are yours and will be loved unconditionally. A wife is just a women you've committed to and is going to be treated Contingent on how she acts.
Yeah.. It is sad but true. When a man no longer loves a woman he might treat her badly or just normally (which is bad in a marriage) but still love and support his children with everything in him
I don't think so tbh. A good father will show love and respect towards their baby mama regardless if they are married or just comparenting. Without doing that the dad isn't showing his childern what a healthy relationship looks like.
@JHAYES317 she deserve basic respect because she's the mother of his child. Some people now a days have some backwards thinking that respect has to be earned but the truth is respectable people will give it to everyone
@JHAYES317 obviously respect isn't earned because most of us can walk down a street full of strangers and be respectful to all of them
@JHAYES317 you are still giving them respect on a basic level by not being mean to them
My brother was a horrible husband, a horrible man, and a great father. It's possible. My nephew, when asked by his mother what he knew about relationships told her he learned everything he knew from his daddy... she was shocked... he told her that anything his daddy did, he wouldn't
To consistently be any kind of person requires having no one but oneself deciding how one will be. Otherwise, the world around will decide, largely on accident, and will never be consistent.
Absolutely! Sometimes children are the only thing that holds relationships together. A man can definitely be a great father but terrible husband in multiple ways.
Yes anyone can be a horrible partner but good parent. doesn't mean they are someone the kid should look up to. But the kid should definitely still be allowed to see them
It is possible , yes. But I don t think it s a normal thing, although. Husbands should both good husbands and wonderful fathers. As women should be too.
As a general rule, it’s not impossible. I do think however staying in a dysfunctional marriage and having a loveless, conflict filled, toxic environment is more damaging than just leaving that spouse.
Yep, he can
I have already seen cases like this
I don't know.. people can be nice people but horrible to their spouse its just how some people are.
"Do you think a man can be a bad husband but a very good father?"
Yes, the same way a bad wife can be a good mother, - but there are no absolutes - they can suck at being wife/husband but excel at being mother/father.
i don't think so. To be a bad husand but a good father means that he likes one more than the other, so is love is not unconditional. :c
A man can hate his wife/lover and still love his kid more than anything. So yes, it is possible.
Some bad husbands are such good fathers that they'll have two family's on different sides of town.
In some ways, a father is only as good as the example he sets.
Yes.
In fact, I personally know a few guys who are like that.
I've seen that in some cases yeah but I've seen more men who are both great husbands and great fathers.
Absolutely possible. Relationship dynamics are very different between children and partners.
Husband and father are two completely different things, so yes, they can be.
obviously! he is cold to annoying spouse but still loves his own kids.
No. You can't treat the mother of your children like ish and possibly be a good father.
That's an oxymoron to me.
It's quite possible, but a lot of women have golden uterus syndrome, and believe that it doesn't matter if he is a good father, if he is not with her, he doesn't get to be a father. Basically she hates the father more than she loves her children.
Yes it is not always related to each other. The treatment of children and the treatment of women can be different. Although it is not healthy but possible.
Yes. Same way as a woman can be a bad wife but a good mum
I know that can happen. It's just two different things. One of the reasons that divorces can happen.
Yes honestly. It can go the other way as well. Some men are great dads and terrible husbands always wanting more things.
Unfortunately no. Being a good father also entitles being a good husband as you cannot be a good father if you mistreat your partner or have a bad communication with her. It will affect on your kid terribly bad. So no.
I suppose, but usually the traits which make a good husband and father as my father was go hand-in-hand.
Yes. I have seen parents be great with their children but unable to maintain a romantic relationship.
This is what I believe.
The greatest gift a father can give his children is to love their mother - Abraham Lincoln
Yes unfortunately, but there’s always a reason for that. Some obvious and some not so obvious at all
Yes; it happens.
There are some women who can be terrible wives but great mothers as well.
Of course, it’s like how a cat can have a great personality but be a terrible cuddler.
Adult women are usually much more provocative than most children.
How are we provocative?
No, it's either you're good at both or you're not. Can't pick and choose when you want to be a good husband and or a good father. You have to be good to the mother and your kids.
Yeah, sometimes they just don’t work out as a partner but can be a good dad
If that happens with either spouse then they are doing something wrong
It is possible but a man should strive to be good at both
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